In Memorabilia Lane, We’ll Discuss the Significance Some Kind of Collectible
(T-Shirt, Poster, Action Figure) has on us and its Relation to Wrestling.
It’s Valentine’s Day! Even though this year, it’s a on a Saturday, we’re keeping with our tradition of finding WWE themed Valentine’s Day cards. We hope that some luck school kids traded gave some of these out to their fellow classmates on Friday. And kids, listen: you may not know what your Valentine was really saying when they gave you a Kofi Kingston or a Sheamus card. Don’t worry: we’re here for you.
If you got a Sheamus Valentine, it’s not a shameful thing. Okay, maybe a little. But it’s not his fault. Yes, Sheamus is kind of a scumbag because he kicks everyone in the face as hard as he possibly can… but, hey! he’s coming back. Maybe he’ll be different! Just look at that face! He’s way more excited to be your Valentine than anyone else. Almost… scary excited, some would say. But still: not shameful. Here’s what is: It’s not “an fantastic.” it’s “a fantastic.” You use ‘a’ in front of consonant starting / sounding words and ‘an’ in front of vowel starting / sounding words. You got a Valentine and a Grammar Check for Valentine’s Day! Go on and Brogue kick that “an” outta there!
If you got a Randy Orton Valentine, you might be the mysterious kid in your class. People like you, sometimes. Sometimes, you like that. Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you’re a team player. Sometimes you like working on your own. The only word we can use to describe that is intense, not the most Valentine-y of words. Either way, you always get a reaction from people. You appear outta nowhere to give the correct answer right before the Holiday break. Also, you’re standing on social media is strong! like, really strong.
If you got a The Rock Valentine, you an electrifying one. You’re the kid in class who spends half the year in one city – Hollywood – and the other half of the year with us… although lately it feels like you’re in Hollywood a lot more. But, that’s fine. You still come back to check on your friends and we’re always happy to see you. Plus! your cousin is doing well! We didn’t know for a while that you were related but when you came to help him out during recess, that made it official for all of us. He’s looking strong now! Hope to see you again soon! Also, you always have the best lunches. We smell what you’ve been cooking.
If you got a Kofi Kingston Valentine, it’s a new day. Okay, so you may have gotten a Kofi Kingston Valentine last year or the year before but, it’s different this time. You’re still one of our favorite athletes in school, jumping higher than every one else. And now you have a couple of buddies with you! You guys are a smart, athletic bunch, having fun in class and in the lunchroom. It’s a new day and you’re on the right track, on the right road. Except for one thing. The word is “Dynamic, not “Dymamic.” We just want to make sure you stay on the right word, one with spell check.
If you got a John Cena Valentine, then you are a superhero. Well, not an actual superhero. Don’t go jumping out of any trees or buildings. But that’s a word that’s usually reserved for
Rey M ysterio Spider-Man. But we think you’re Super. But not in a Superman way. That’s reserved for DC. And then there’s the Superman Punch but that’s more of a Roman Reigns thing. But you’re still special. They way you show up, every day, rain or shine, eye injury or not is a feat in itself. There’s a word for that. Hustle? No. Loyalty? Maybe! Respect? Possibly, from some… but those words don’t really belong on a Valentine’s card. So.. let’s go with Amazing.
If you got a Triple H Valentine’s Card, it’s time to welcome the reality era of Valentine’s cards. You’re a Winner, Valentine. Two years ago, Valentine, you’re a Winner. It just doesn’t have the same meaning. Yes, it’s a reference to playing the game but you don’t really play the game as much as you used to. You’re more into watching other people play the game. You control the game, which makes you more the Administration than the Student. And you’ve changed: you cut your hair, you wear nice clothes like every day is photo day, heck, your autograph on these cards might just be a rubber stamp. You don’t really get your hands dirty… unless some vigilante shows up to mess with things.
If you got a Daniel Bryan Valentine, then you’re the best. Everyone thinks you’re the best. Well, everyone except the Administration. But what do they know? Everyone is supporting you: your class, other classes, the baseball team, the hockey team, the football team. Every time some one yells, “YES! YES! YES!,” it’s in support of you, even when. We write songs in your honor because you are the best. We even chant it for your girlfriend while you’re recovering. We’re happy you’re back and can’t wait to see you delivering kicks in the Superbowl of Kickball again.
If you got a Triple H, John Cena and Randy Orton Valentine, then you’re an Amazing, Intense Winner! Either that or you really like the WWE title match from Wrestlemania 24. Or, you didn’t fit into one category. You fit several! And that in itself is exciting. But look at those faces. They’re doing everything they can to contain their excitement!