A RAW Intro Flashback Is Shown:
Mr. McMahon is in the ring and welcomes us to RAW the only way he can.
Mr. McMahon says we’ve seen a lot of “entertainment” over the years, then tells us about RAW’s success and says the one reason RAW has been so successful is because he is a certifiable iconic genius!
Mr. McMahon puts his ego aside and thanks us for making RAW such a success. McMahon continues his speech by giving us a rundown of tonight’s show: John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler in a cage and a Rock Concert.
Before Mr. McMahon leaves, Big Show’s theme hits and he comes down to the ring. Big Show talks about losing the World Heavyweight Championship on Friday and demands “Vince” does something about it. Mr. McMahon says he doesn’t like being told what to do or interrupted or being called Vince.
Big Show changes his tune and Mr. McMahon notices that Show’s lost weight. Big Show appreciates the compliment but McMahon says the weight he was talking about was the World Heavyweight Championship.
Big Show tries to address the World Heavyweight Championship incident, but Mr. McMahon decides to show the footage of Alberto Del Rio winning the championship. Big Show runs down Booker T, the WWE Universe and Latinos until Alberto Del Rio comes out in with RicRod, who’s holding a present, and new gear.
Alberto Del Rio mocks Big Show for being a giant, but acting like a small man. Del Rio challenge Big Show to a match for the World Heavyweight Championship tonight. The crowd chants “Si!” but Big Show says “No” since he’s not prepared. Del Rio tells Big Show for once in his life, “Show some cojones, perro!”
Big Show says he’s going to have his rematch at the Royal Rumble and that at the end of the night, people will be talking about the Big Show, not the Royal Rumble winner or CM Punk vs. The Rock. Big Show tells Del Rio to enjoy his 15 minutes of fame. Del Rio brushes it off then calls Big Show a “fat jackass” in Spanish. Big Show yells at Mr. McMahon and the WWE Universe asking if this is the type of champion they want. The WWE Universe responds with a loud “Si!” Chant, which angers Big Show even further.
Alberto Del Rio tells Big Show that it’s not all bad and that he and RicRod have a present for him. Big Show sees the bucket and threatens RicRod if he pours water on Big Show’s suit. RicRod throws the bucket and it’s confetti! Big Show tries to go after RicRod, but Del Rio stops him and they start brawling. Del Rio hits Big Show with a Hurricanrana with assist from RicRod, then kicks Big Show in the head.
Mr. McMahon announces Alberto Del Rio who gets a warm reception from the crowd.
Match 01: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
Wade Barrett his Randy Orton with his Big Boot inbetween the ropes moves.
Wade Barrett blocks the Orton DDT!
Wade Barrett hits the Bullhammer on Randy Orton for the win!
Winner: Wade Barrett
Backstage: The Handsome Eve Torres walks up to Booker T and Teddy Long. They tell Eve that if she thinks about getting counted out or DQ’d, she will be stripped of her WWE Divas Championship.
Eve tries to talk her way out of it, but Booker T laughs in her face.
Teddy Long laughs as well, but gets slapped for his efforts. Teddy Long laughs as well, but gets slapped in the face.
Daniel Bryan and Kane’s 4 Month Evaluation with Dr. Shelby:
Daniel Bryan and Kane agree to get along so they can get out ASAP. Shelby walks in and asks for a group hug. Daniel Bryan and Kane reluctantly hug him. Dr. Shelby asks Daniel Bryan what his favorite part about Kane is. Bryan says he likes that Kane is tall, can set things on fire by lowering his arms and that he’s quite a good dancer. Shelby asks Kane the same thing about Daniel. Kane says that Bryan is very agile, has a great beard, and that he’s not afraid to admit that sometimes, he wears women’s clothing.
Dr. Shelby has one more test for Team Hell No and it’s Team Rhodes Scholars. Shelby wants Team Rhodes Scholars to cause a trigger to see how Team Hell No react to it and says it’s called “Exposure Therapy.” Damien Sandow corrects Dr. Shelby telling him it’s closer to “Systematic Desensitization.”
Dr. Shelby tells Team Hell No that Team Rhodes Scholars will personally antagonize them and he wants Team Hell No to just find their happy place.
Team Rhodes Scholars calls Dr. Shelby out on his techniques. Dr. Shelby tells Team Rhodes Scholars to help him. Not critique him. Team Rhodes Scholars mocks Shelby further then Cody asks who the bigger failure is, Team Hell No or Dr. Shelby as a therapist.
Damien Sandow asks Dr. Shelby where he got his medical degree from, then says that Team Hell No would be better off getting medical advice from Dr. Phil. Dr. Shelby loses it then tells Team Hell No to attack! Which they do!
Kane says that’s what he calls a “Happy Place.” Daniel Bryan starts chanting “YES!” Dr. Shelby joins in, followed by Kane and the WWE Universe.
Match 02: Kane vs. Damien Sandow
Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars is announced for the Royal Rumble.
WWE Superstars Tweets are seen during the match:
Kane hits Damien Sandow with the Chokeslam.
Winner: Kane
The First 2013 Hall OF Fame Inductee is announce and it’s… Mick Foley!
Before Mick Foley can do anything, The Shield comes out.
The Ryback charges to the ring and attacks The Shield.
Randy Orton charges to the ring and attacks The Shield.
Sheamus charges in and attacks The Shield as well. Ryback, Randy Orton and Sheamus take out The Shield.
Josh Mathews interrupts the “FEED ME MORE” chant to ask Ryback about The Shield. Ryback says that The Shield have allowed CM Punk to walk away with the WWE Championship and that he doesn’t care about conspiracies or investigations. Ryback says he can’t and won’t rest until he gives back what they’ve taken from him.
Ryback starts a “FEED ME SHIELD” chant instead of a “FEED ME MORE” Chant.
WWE shows a Gimmicks Package of crazy gimmicks over the past 20 years.
Match 03: Handsome Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn (Divas Championship)
Michael Cole tries to explain why this return match is happening, but JBL cuts him off.
The Handsome Eve Torres hits a triangle choke on Kaitlyn.
The match has several near falls and a “LET’S GO KAITLYN” chant.
Kaitlyn spears Eve!
Winner (And NEWWWWW Divas Champion): Kaitlyn
Backstage: Brodus Clay is backstage with Josh Mathews. Josh asks Brodus Clay about CM Punk’s comments last week saying that Brodus Clay “shuck and jives” for the children. Brodus says CM Punk needs to keep Brodus’ name out of his mouth (Threatening.) Brodus Clay says he doesn’t shuck and jive because he has to, he shuck and jives because he was BORN TO (Unthreatening. He actually said this.) Brodus Clay says CM Punk’s “Pipebomb” is about to blow up in Punk’s face.
Match 04: Brodus Clay vs. CM Punk
Winner: CM Punk
CM Punk takes the mic then says says he came out here and wrestled, while The Rock is going to come out and do a concert. Punk says that people are going to think one is better than others and that’s your opinion, but what people aren’t entitled to is facts. Facts: CM Punk made Brodus Clay tap out and he’s been WWE Champion for 421 days. CM Punk says at Royal Rumble, no matter what the opinion, he will not leave the WWE Champion and that is a fact because CM Punk is the Best In The World, and that’s not an opinion, that’s a Fact.
RAW’s Best Vehicular Moments:
Rock and Sock Reunion:
Mick Foley is on the phone with his kids talking to them about The Shield. After getting off the phone with them, he notices The Rock staring at him. Mick goes for a handshake, but The Rock hugs him instead and congrats Mick Foley on making it to the Hall Of Fame. Mick Foley talks about FINALLY being in the Hall Of Fame several times trying to get The Rock to do his “FINALLY!” bit. The Rock does it as Mick Foley joins in.
The Rock goes through his catchphrases then stops Mick Foley from saying it with him, then calls Mick Foley a “Hall Of Famer.” Vickie Guerrero interrupts and yells as The Rock and Mick Foley for being too loud. Vickie tells them both to shut up, that RAW is her show and mocks Mick Foley for being a Hall Of Famer. Backstage: The Rock and Mick Foley
Vickie Guerrero asks The Rock if he has anything to say to her, but The Rock says he has nothing to day. Mick Foley calls him out on being speechless.
The Rock tells Mick Foley that there’s a time and a place for everything, and that if Mick Foley trusts him, enjoy the Rock Concert.
Match 05: Sheamus vs. 3MB (Over The Top Rope Challenge)
Sheamus eliminates Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick but Heath Slater ducks. Sheamus and Slater brawl on the apron, but 3MB attack Sheamus and pull him off the apron!
Winner: Heath Slater?!
Post-Match, instead of taking his loss like a man, Sheamus pulls Jinder Mahal out of the ring, then Brogue Kicks both Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre.
Backstage: Josh Mathews interviews John Cena about his Steel Cage Match with Dolph Ziggler. John Cena goes into Cena mode and talks about the past 20 years of RAW, until he mentions Braden Walker. Cena says Braden Walker was never on RAW, but had one heck of a highlight reel.
John Cena goes through his own history, a joke he’s made before, then says he took a bowel movement the size of Papa Shango.
John Cena makes a Three’s Company Joke and says tonight that Dolph Ziggler is going to do what the World Wrestling Federation did to Monday Night RAW 10 Years Ago, and “Get The F” Out.
MizTV w/ Special Guest
The Miz says there’s a very special guest on MizTV and it’s a WWE Hall Of Famer…and it’s going to be “AWEEEEEEEEEEEEEESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
The Miz asks the WWE Universe if they’d like a hint, then proceeds to “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” then strut like Ric Flair.
The Miz mentions RAW Talk Shows over the past 20 years, The Cutting Edge, The Highlight Reel and Piper’s Pit, then welcomes us all to MizTV.
The Miz introduces his guest, the Nature Boy Ric Flair!
The Miz goes through Ric Flair’s accomplishments (And Musical Chairs Moment) on RAW then asks for Flair’s favorite moment. Flair says it’s the Ric Flair Retirement RAW, then shifts gears to the future of the WWE like Ryback. Ric Flair shows off his rolex then says he’s full of himself. As The Miz and Ric Flair get into a “Really-Off” then a “Woo-Off”
The Miz says Ric Flair has a signature voice then segways into a catchphrase video package:
The Miz tries to get Ric Flair to do his “Limousine Ridin’” catchphrase, but Ric Flair plays dumb.
Ric Flair finally goes into catchphrase mode until Antonio Cesaro comes out with an American Flag and America trunks. Cesaro says Ric Flair and The Miz embody America like nobody else does. A failed, reality TV star and a 16 Time World Champion who spent 30 million dollars living an illusion.
Antonio Cesaro tells Ric Flair’s like America, no matter how great he once was, he has nothing to show for besides a bar tab and four ex-wives.
The Miz gets angry at Antonio Cesaro and attempts to throw a chair.
The Miz says he’ll pay Ric Flair’s bar tab tonight, but he’ll give Antonio Cesaro the receipt right now.
Antonio Cesaro says unlike typical Americans, he’s going to be the bigger man and walk away. Ric Flair grabs Antonio Cesaro and chops him right into a Skull Crushing Finale. Ric Flair goes for the Figure Four Leg Lock, but stops himself and allows The Miz to do it instead. Afterwards, Miz and Flair celebrate in the ring.
Royal Rumble Commercial:
Match 06: “The Dazzler” Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes
Cody Rhodes is seen combing his mustache and looking in a mini mirror.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
The Handsome Eve Torres Quits The WWE!
AJ Lee and Big E. Langston introduce their favorite wedding clips.
Big E. Langston introduces AJ Lee and Daniel Bryan’s wedding moment.
After AJ Lee’s wedding is shown, she talks about it’s the happiest moment of her life and she gave it all away for John Cena. Dolph Ziggler consoles AJ Lee and vows to defeat John Cena tonight.
Jim Ross comes out for commentary!
Match 07: John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph Ziggler tries to escape the cage, but John Cena pulls him down by his shorts.
Dolph Ziggler hits John Cena with a Superkick.
Dolph Ziggler gets the upperhand.
John Cena is about to escape the cage, but Big E tries to hit him with a steel chair.
AJ Lee starts climbing the cage as Big E. Langston enters the ring.
Dolph Ziggler accidentally hits Big E. Langston with the briefcase.
John Cena hits the AA for the win.
Winner: John Cena
According to AJ Lee’s Twitter Account, she is still on top of the cage.
The Rock Concert:
The Rock hypes up tonight and says it’s an honor to close tonight out with the people. The Rock mocks his very first time by showing a picture of Rocky Maivia by saying he was an “escaped mental patient ready to audition for the Backstreet Boys.”
The Rock sings a song about Paul Heyman’s penis and how he hasn’t seen it in years.
The Rock asks how the ladies are doing tonight and flirts with a girl in the audience.
The Rock brings out Vickie Guerrero and sings a special song for her.
It’s an Eric Clapton parody called, “Biatch, you look horrible tonight.”
The Rock finishes singing then calls out CM Punk.
CM Punk comes out with Paul Heyman. The Rock calls CM Punk out on his facts. Rock says Fact: For 421 Days, no one has been able to stop CM Punk. Fact: Paul Heyman has Twinkie Tits (This one’s more of an opinion)
The Rock brings up the “boxing with God” line then tells CM Punk that he is not God, but as God as The Rock’s witness, in 13 days, he will beat CM Punk for the WWE Title.
CM Punk hands Paul Heyman the WWE Championship then charges to the ring to fight The Rock. The two start brawling!
Familiar looking WWE Agents try and separate CM Punk and The Rock.
So That Happened:
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Three Man Booth 
