3 Count: Stratusfaction

In 3 Count, Three Man Booth will Discuss Wrestling & Wrestling Related Music:
The Good, The Bad & The Cheesy

After double checking our poll results with the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe, we can confirm that Trish Stratus has won our first ever Ask ‘Em: Epic WWE Love Songs of History Poll!

Of the 3 choices (you didn’t think Kirk Van Houten was a real contender, did you?), Trish’s song is the only one that’s an actual love song. “Hoeski” is about … well, and “Never Been A Right Time to Say Goodbye” is about heartbreak (no pun intended). Technically, “I Just Want You” is the underdog in the fight: it’s the only love song, it’s the only song by a WWE Diva and it’s the only song not to Chart anywhere, be it the UK (Bret) or the iTunes (Ryder). But has Trish Stratus ever truly been an underdog?

No, not when this is the year for the 7-time Women’s Champion will be inducted into the WWE  Hall of Fame. I’m sure The Hitman – gracious in this defeat – will welcome his fellow Canadian Superstar into the Hall of Fame. As for Ryder? Well, keep in mind: Justin Bieber wasn’t nominated for a Grammy this year and he’s doing fine. Certainly, there’s still hope of the Woo Woo Woo Kid. Grammys 2014, anyone?

Congratulations, Trish! You can place this honor right next to your Diva of the Decade Award, Women’s Championship and your “Best Wrestler Turned Yogi” Award (better luck next time, DDP!)

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So That Happened: 02/18/13

RAW begins with John Cena making his entrance.

John Cena hypes Lafayette, LA then Wrestlemania 29’s two World Championship Matches: Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio and John Cena vs. The Rock. CM Punk’s music plays and comes down to ringside.

CM Punk tells John Cena that facing The Rock at Wrestlemania is the easy the way out, but he expects nothing less from Cena. Punk admits he lost fair and square, despite having The Rock pinned in the middle of the ring and despite Rock striking a WWE official.

CM Punk brings up that The Rock has beaten John Cena, but Cena has never beaten Punk. Cena says he’s not talking about wins/losses, he’s talking about Wrestlemania. Cena reminds Punk that he earned the right to go to Wrestlemania and tells Punk to sit this one out because it’s not about him.

CM Punk says it is about CM Punk because he earned his right to go to Wrestlemania since he was WWE Champion for 434 Days. John Cena just threw people over the rope in the Royal Rumble and got lucky. CM Punk says that Rock/Cena is a rerun and that Cena can’t get it done or win the big one. John Cena asks CM Punk what he wants him to do. CM Punk tells John Cena he wants him to just walk away and get out of Punk’s life.

John Cena pretends he’s gonna walk away then says “No.” Cena says he admires Punk’s honesty and thinks that there’s a halfway decent human being in CM Punk, but Cena isn’t giving away his golden ticket to Wrestlemania. Cena says despite CM Punk’s attitude, he’s right about Cena being unable to beat The Rock or Punk and knows he has critics that believe he shouldn’t be in the main event of Wrestlemania.

John Cena says he won’t give away his Wrestlemania Title Shot, but he’ll let CM Punk earn it. Cena challenges CM Punk to a match. If Cena wins, CM Punk shuts up and goes away. But if he loses, CM Punk goes to Wrestlemania.

CM Punk talks to Paul Heyman then agrees to the match, but refuses to do it tonight since he was screwed in Louisiana. Punk says he’ll do the match on his terms next week. CM Punk walks away, but John Cena tells him to run away and get rest because next week, Cena will beat Punk, then go on to beat The Rock and prove that The Champ Is Here.

Backstage: Matt Striker asks Sheamus about The Shield, but Ryback’s frantic pacing around distracts him. Sheamus tells Ryback that they both lost the match, but have to adapt and overcome. Sheamus reminds Ryback that he’s not a machine and not a mindless Neanderthal. Sheamus and Ryback and fight until Chris Jericho breaks them up by slapping theirs chests several times.

Chris Jericho talks some sense into Sheamus and Ryback about The Shield and says that they have to do what it takes to save the WWE from The Shield. Jericho offers to team with Sheaback tonight in an attempt to stop The Shield. Ryback looks in Sheamus’ face and says “FEED. ME. SHIELD.”

Match 01: Mark Henry vs. Sin Cara

Winner: Mark Henry

Post-Match, Mark Henry tries to hit the World’s Strongest Slam on Sin Cara but The Great Khali walks out.

Mark Henry leaves as The Great Khali finally makes it to the ring. Mark Henry mocks Khali’s dancing.

Fandangoo Promo:

Match 02: The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro (No Disqualification)

Antonio Cesaro brings out the weapons!

The Miz gets the upperhand then locks in the Figure-Four on Cesaro!


Winner: The Miz

Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger speak on Immigration: Long story short, they don’t like Mexicans.

Backstage: Daniel Bryan tells Kane that he’s not comfortable with teaming up with Kane so he requested a singles match with Jack Swagger tonight. Bryan doesn’t want Kane coming out with him. Kane says he’ll request a singles match of his own and he doesn’t want Bryan coming out either. Bryan agrees but Kane tells him he’d better be a man of his word because he doesn’t deal well with snakes. Randy Orton pops up saying “Someone talkin’ about me?”

Kane talks about how much he hates snakes, but Randy Orton says he’s no longer intimidated by Kane since he’s traded in his Chokeslams and Piledrivers for group therapy and hugs. Orton compares Kane to Barney The Dinosaur then walks off as Bryan laughs and Kane gets upset.

Courtesy of Facebook

Backstage: Vickie Guerrero is on the phone until she gets interrupted by Paul Heyman. Vickie mocks Paul Heyman’s stipulations for the Rock/Punk match, then tells him that she has dramatic news that’s going to affect his life and his entire career. Heyman wants to know now since he hates surprises but Vickie refuses to tell him.

Match 03: Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio

Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter are seen watching Alberto Del Rio’s match:

Alberto Del Rio locks in Dolph Ziggler the Cross Armbreaker.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Post-Match, Big E. Langston attacks Alberto Del Rio!

Dolph Ziggler realizes that it’s a good time to cash in!

RicRod grabs the briefcase!

RicRod runs as Big E Langston chases him.

AJ Lee gets the briefcase, but Alberto Del Rio hits Dolph Ziggler with an enzuigiri.

Wade Barrett debuts the trailer for his new movie: Deadman Down

Sheamus interrupts Wade Barrett’s moment on the Titantron. and mocks him for not being the star of Deadman Down. Sheamus says Colin Farrell is the star of the movie, but if Wade has any objections they can talk about it. Sheamus tells Barrett that they’re out of time then leaves.

Match 04: Brodus Clay, Tensai and Naomi vs. Primo, Epico and Rosa Mendes

Primo and Epico’s music cuts off Brodus Clay’s music.

Naomi is star of the match!

Winner: Brodus Clay, Tensai and Naomi 

Post-Match, Brodus Clay and Tensai dance while Michael Cole dubs Brodus Clay and Tensai as “The Dancing Bears.”

Wrestlemania 30 Announcement:

Jack Swagger’s State Of Union Address: 

Jack Swagger talks about his success from last night then says tonight is about something bigger: Our Country. Swagger introduces himself then Zeb Colter.

Zeb Colter thanks out Founding Fathers for creating the Bill Of Rights then talks about the right of free speech. Colter says the State of the Union is pathetic, but real Americans are not to blame. The people who are to blame are the millions of millions of illegal immigrants.

Zeb Colter says Real Americans need to stand up and defend the country, but that’s what Jack Swagger will do. Zeb Colter says that the World Heavyweight Title match is more than a match, but it’s a battle for this country. Colter claims Alberto Del Rio came into this country to reap the rewards of the motherland. Colter claims Jack Swagger will accomplish two goals at Wrestlemania: Reclaim the World Heavyweight Championship and Reclaim America. Jack Swagger starts screaming “WE THE PEOPLE!

Match 05: Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger

Winner: Jack Swagger

Vickie Guerrero’s surprise for Paul Heyman: 

Vickie Guerrero says she has an announcement for Paul Heyman that can drastically change his career and his life. Vickie names a new assistant for herself: Brad “Heartthrob Ref” Maddox!

Brad “Heartthrob Assistant” Maddox says he got this job due to his loyalty and him exposing the The Shield and Paul Heyman. HTA says McMahon gave him the role of “Assistant Managing Supervisor” but Vickie Guerrero corrects him saying he’s the “Assistant TO the General Manager.” Pau Heyman is unimpressed with the surprise and is prepared to leave but Mr. McMahon appears on the Titantron.

Mr. McMahon reminds Paul Heyman about the deal he made to get the CM Punk/Rock stipulation, showing that Heyman said he would do “Anything.” McMahon says he could fire Paul Heyman right now, but rather than do that, he’s going to fight Paul Heyman.

Match 06: Chris Jericho, Sheamus and Ryback vs. The Shield

A fan tries to get in the moment:

Chris Jericho has Dean Ambrose locked in the Walls Of Jericho, until Seth Rollins comes from out of nowhere!


Winner: The Shield

Match 07: Damien Sandow vs. Kofi Kingston

Damien Sandow lectures the WWE Universe about President’s Day then says that several members of the Sandow Family served as personal advisors to the President in history. Sandow trashes the fans some more then cheapshots Kofi Kingston and starts pummeling him.

R-Truth makes his “triumphant” return saving Kofi Kingston from the attack…

Winner: No Contest 
Loser: Everyone who can’t stand R-Truth 

Match 08: Randy Orton vs. Kane

Daniel Bryan comes down to the ring and distracts Kane. Randy Orton takes advantage and hits the RKO.

Winner: Randy Orton

The Rock’s Championship Celebration Ceremony:

The Rock comes out with a special Marching Band entrance.

The Rock says last night CM Punk did everything to beat The Rock but the Best In The World wasn’t best enough because The Rock beat him. Rock starts describing his day in Louisiana naming familiar places until he gets to his “FINALLY” bit.

The Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania in 48 days but he’s not going with the spinner belt. The Rock puts over the Spinner Belt, then mocks it. The Rock says that the WWE Title should never look like a toy and it should never, EVER spin. The Rock does something drastic with the “Spinner Title”

But seriously, The Rock gives the old Spinner Belt to Scotty The Segment Producer and tells him to make sure that belt goes into the Hall Of Fame.

The Rock talks about the WWE Title and says it should inspire you and should be worthy to be worn around the waist of the great men of WWE Champions of the past. The Rock mentions Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, and Stone Cold Steve Austin then unveils the NEW WWE Championship!

Courtesy of WWE.com

The Rock asks the WWE Universe if they love the title. The Rock says he wanted to make a title that was prestigious and bad ass. The crowd chants “Who Dat” and “Boots To Asses.” The Rock says there are some “Crazy Cajuns in the crowd”

The Rock is about to announce who he’d rather face between John Cena and CM Punk until John Cena’s music plays. Cena comes out and stares down The Rock until CM Punk knocks Cena out with the old WWE Championship. Punk chucks the old WWE Championship then says he wants the new belt.

So That Happened:

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Snapshots: Presidential Smackdown

In Snapshots, Three Man Booth searches for images to share

President Abraham Lincoln’s accomplishments during his presidency have been covered in several works. The Steven Spielberg directed film Lincoln is up for several Academy Awards, including Daniel Day Lewis for Best Actor in his portrayal of the 16th president, Steven Spielberg for Best Director and the film itself for Best Picture. But, President Lincoln was a Wrestler! The WWE has done some research on the topic with both articles and videos but now another form as surfaced, using Lincoln’s famed history as a grappler: Comic Book Form!

The cover for Marvel’s Deadpool #4 shows the Merc with a Mouth landing a well placed punch on the face of Honest Abe in the middle of the squared circle.

Image Courtesy of Marvel.com


Well, it’s a form of Abe Lincoln. The comic itself centers around Deadpool on his latest mission, eliminating resurrected versions of former US Presidents at the orders of S.H.I.E.L.D, not to be confused with The Shield. Deadpool dispatches some of the lesser known Presidents (The ‘Merc with a Mouth’ recognizes the Presidents on money. But John Tyler? Not so much.) until he makes his way to Zombie Lincoln, who held an entire Las Vegas arena hostage. The cover suggests that the Smackdown between Deadpool and Abe Lincoln takes place within the confines of a Wrestling Ring – Red Ropes Forever! – but ZLincoln is actually in an MMA Octagon, conditions probably more familiar to Abe from his Grappler days. Deadpool, not really one to skip out on a fight or a payday, faces Lincoln in hand to hand combat. That is, until wrestling finds a way in, as it does in many situations:

Image Crappy on Purpose. No Scans here, Guys


Abe Lincoln swings a Metal Chair! He’s Hardcore! He’s Hardcore! Will Deadpool be able to come back from Lincoln’s brutal offense? Will he be able to avenge his cornerman, Ghost Benjamin Franklin? All that and more are in the pages of Deadpool. Go out and Grab a Copy!

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Ask ‘Em: Epic WWE Love Songs Of History!!

In Ask ‘Em, Three Man Booth will ask you to Smackdown Your Vote!

Earlier this week, we did a post on how Zack Ryder’s single “Hoeski” sounds like a lost track from Wrestlemania: The Album or WWE Originals. But Zack Ryder wasn’t the only WWE Superstar put his heartache in a love song. Canadian Icons Bret Hart and Trish Stratus respectively tried their own renditions of love songs WWE Albums. Now we want to know, who has the best love song in the WWE?

Continue reading

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Memorabilia Lane: Happy Valentine’s Day!

 In Memorabilia Lane, We’ll Discuss the Significance Some Kind of Collectible
(T-Shirt, Poster, Action Figure) has on us and its Relation to Wrestling.


Earlier this month, we stumbled upon a box of WWE Valentines at a local pharmacy.  Being the hardcore wrestling fans that we are, we just had to buy them and see what they were all about. Of course, they were for children, but it looks like whoever made these cards was NOT a wrestling fan and did the bare minimum. I mean Kofi Kingston’s says “Hope your Valentine’s Day is GREAT!” Really? Not one Boom? or 3? Get it together!

Anyway, since these were made for kids, we decided to come up with meanings for each Valentine’s Day card. If a person gives you a Sin Cara Valentine instead of a John Cena one, what do they really think of you?

Hope you enjoy these cards and have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

If You Got a The Miz Valentine:

You’re an AWESOME Valentine! We all like how AWESOME you are. You know what’s not AWESOME? How you use the word AWESOME for everything. Pizza Day in the Cafeteria? AWESOME! Extra Recess? AWESOME! Field Trips? AWESOME! but Fishstick Fridays? Really? Really? Those aren’t awesome. Also, that one time you beat everybody in Freeze Tag was AWESOME. But stop talking about it. It was 2 years ago.

If You Got a Kofi Kingston Valentine:

You’re so energetic, Valentine! You jump around whenever your name is called first! and you’re still excited when it’s called second! (Your name is never called last though … interesting) You’re everyone’s favorite lab partner. When we pair with you, we’ll tag team that project to the championships because you make everyone better. Except that – eventually – we wonder why you have a partner in the first place. You’re a Solid B+ and that B Stands for “Boom! Boom! Boom!”

If you Got a Sin Cara Valentine:

You don’t say much, Valentine, but then again, you don’t have to. All you have to do is point and we know what you mean: The Evil Monkey from Family Guy! You’re so funny. You’re a little shy what with all the face hiding and the mood lighting. Sometimes we can’t tell if it’s you or someone who is exactly like you. But in Gym Class, surrounded by all those trampolines, we find the truth. You jump higher than everybody! Watch out for those landings though!

If You Got a Triple H Valentine:

You are a Winner, Valentine! Just don’t let it go to your head. I mean, we know that you and the Billion Crayon Princess “like like” each other but that wasn’t always the case. You didn’t become the King of Kings of Baseball alone. Remember your rivalry? DX versus the Nation? You and your team Played the Game and beat everybody (except the Rock. He just moved away). Now, all you swing around is your ego … and sometimes a sledgehammer. That’s all well and good but remember 2 things: never cut your hair again and Shawn is better.

If You Got The Rock Valentine:

Let’s Face Facts, Valentine: Your Attendance is Poor but When You Do Show Up, You’re the Most Electrifying one in the room. And yes, Your Jokes have the Attitude of a Different Era and should land you in Detention but You’re so charming, You Could Get Away with Calling the Teacher a Prostitute. Everytime you show up, you look a little different: a new haircut, a new tracksuit, some tribal tattoo stickers … but you still get the most Valentines, eventhough you call us a Punk Ass Bitch. It’s Cool to Swear When You Do It.

If You Got a John Cena Valentine:

The Valentine is Here! Girls love you and Boys hate you but you still show up everyday. You have perfect attendance! When it comes to Hide and Go Seek, we can’t ever see you! You always win. You raise your hand so proudly in class eventhough you always say the same five things. Still, you deliver! That’s why we nicknamed you the mailman, Champ. That and because you always wear jorts no matter the weather.

If You Got Rock AND John Cena Valentine:


You’re the person that doesn’t get a Valentine from anybody, so you got this one out of pity. It was supposed to be a Never Before: Never Again, thing but now you’re really getting into the idea of getting the same Valentine a second year in a row, only with slightly different writing on the inside. A straightedge Valentine’s Day Card just won’t cut it.

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