Have ‘Til 5: American Patriotic Themes

Posted on July 4, 2013 by 3mbooth
 In I Have ’til 5, 3MB will Pick a Topic and Discuss the 5 Finer Points of it

Whenever Independence Day – excuse me – American Independence Day (Hi, International Audience!) occurs, there is usually a lot to think about, especially in the world of wrestling. Right now Zeb Colter is proclaiming himself the biggest American in wrestling, fighting for a new America that represents specific beliefs of specific Americans (translation: not us. The views of Zeb Colter and ZebColterUSA are not held by ThreeManBooth.com). And, right now, this new America, he a population of 3: Uncle Zeb, the All American American Jack Swagger and the Uber American, Antonio Cesaro who, although Swiss born, carries himself with a superiority and an inflated self esteem that Zeb Colter identifies as ‘truly American.’

From Our RAW Recap

One question remains, however: when these Kings of America do form a tag team, will they have the most American theme of all time? Mashing their current themes together, “We the People” and “Miracle” respectively, would result in “We the Miracle,” a title that certainly piques interests. But just imagining what this theme would sound like – French Rapping over the soundtrack to Fox News, does not speak to an American ideal. We decided to look into wrestling’s past – via theme music – to pick 5 Themes that speak to American Patriotism and also pro wrestling.

Note: Out of respect for Zeb Colter (translation: fear of being hit with Antonio Cesaro’s European Uppercut), we are not including Lex Luger’s “I’ll Be Your Hero” on the list. While it was the theme for Luger’s American Patriot run against WWF Champion Yokozuna, Zeb Colter knows a hip-lock when he sees one.

5. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Image Courtesy of the WWE

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is a Wrestler that comes with a list of must-know facts:

  • He will always have a 2×4 around.
  • He will yell, “Hoooooo!” randomly.
  • He will call you, “Tough Guy.”
  • He won the King of the Ring
  • He won the First Royal Rumble
  • He is a WWE Hall of Famer.
  • He is a proud American.

Hacksaw makes his theme sound more patriotic than it would be on its own because if you’re going to scream “U-S-A! U-S-A!” at the top of your lungs, “Two by Four” is a great choice to have playing behind you. His patriotism is so proudly displayed that he must spend his Independence Day marching in parades around Glenn Falls, NY, bellowing out his signature cry.



4. American Males

Image Courtesy of Tumblr

The theme for this WCW Tag Team is definitely an example of quantity over quality. They managed to fit the Word “American” into 2 minutes and 34 seconds at 100,000 times or, at least, it feels that way. Both the theme and the tag team are a slice of what America was like in the 90’s. Marcus Alexander Bagwell looks like George Michael from the “Faith” video, down to the single earring and the reflective sunglasses. And Scotty Riggs … also looks like George Michael! but from the “Freedom” video! Their most famous maneuver was their synchronized clapping, which was difficult for both men to overcome in their solo careers. Bagwell decided to put the American Males behind him by getting “Buff;” Riggs embraced the American Males-era of his career a little more by creating a signature move called “The Clap.”

3. The American Dream Dusty Rhodes

Bet you didn’t realize there were that many syllables in the word “American,” did you? Or that much soul for that matter! The same could be said of the son of a plumber, Dusty Rhodes. When he faced off with rivals like The Nature Boy Ric Flair and The Four Horsemen or the Macho Man Randy Savage, it was clear that Dusty Rhodes was different. His opponents acted better than everyone and, frankly, looked fitter than everyone. Dusty didn’t. He looked like an American. And he fought like an American. He never gave up, he fought through pain, injury and broken limbs. For all of his efforts, Dusty Rhodes has truly lived the American Dream: a world reknowned Superstar, a respected member of the wrestling community and a member of the WWE Hall of Fame. Not only that, but the Polka-dotted one has paved a way for his sons – Dustin and Cody – to also make a name for themselves in wrestling. Both have been successful in their own way, which a truly something a father, regardless of nationality, wants to see.

Image Courtesy of FCW

2. The Patriot Kurt Angle

Image Courtesy of the WWE

Honestly, “Medal” almost didn’t make the list and it is all due to two words: Del Wilkes. You see, Del wrested as The Patriot in both WCW, forming a Tag Team named “Stars and Stripes” with former American Male Marcus Bagwell. This affiliation almost got Bagwell kicked off the list as well but their brief run as a tag team is easily overlooked. After being unable to defeat Tex Slazenger, Shanghai Pierce or whoever else he lost to in WCW, The Patriot left for the WWF. Somehow, he was convinced that he could defeat then WWF Champion Bret the Hitman Hart, not because he was better than the best there is, was and ever will be, but because Bret was extolling Canadian virtues and Del Wilkes – being American – was better. Honestly, it was enough to make you consider defecting to Canada. In addition to causing tension with our Wrestling neighbors to the north, he also infuriated our neighbors to the south; this masked wrestler was routinely recorded without wearing his mask, which showed disrespect for the Mexican Wrestling tradition of wearing a luchador mask. Del Wilkes left many an American wresting fan without an option.

Image Courtesy of the WWE

until Kurt Angle showed up. An Olympic Gold Medalist Winner (for Wrestling!) arrived to the WWF and was given the same theme that The Patriot had. But the man of the 3 I’s – Intensity, Integrity and Intelligence – took this theme and out any bad luck or curse it had from The Patriot’s affiliation. Angle became a Superstar; whether he was your Olympic Hero or your Olympic Villain, he performed in match of the year candidate after match of the year candidate match, each time being led to the ring by the bombastic horns that introduce “Medal.” When we liked the theme, we loved it; when we hated the theme, it … sucked, no matter how many times it was remixed. Either way, “Medal” persevered, overcame adversary in an American fashion. It has become a theme song that’s now synonymous with a legendary wrestler, even if he hasn’t used it in a few years.

1. Hulk Hogan
There’s a theory behind Rick Derringer’s “Real American” aka the most American song in the history of Professional Wrestling; if played at the right time to the right person, it can inspire you to perform superhuman feats like say, lifting a car or lifting Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania 3. Indeed, Hulk Hogan was the perfect vessel for Rick Derringer’s American anthem. While “Real American” was not Hogan’s first theme song (it was “Eye of the Tiger”), it is certainly the one that he is the most associated with, especially given his successful runs in the WWF during the 80’s and 90’s. Even when he went to WCW in 1994, they gave him a song, “American Made,” which is as close to “Real American” as legally possible. Seriously, listen to it and you can hear the parts where “Real American” used to be. As a result, it did not have the same theory behind it; Hogan, though successful, ultimately dropped this theme for a coat of black spraypaint and Jimi Hendrix’s “Voodoo Child“, forming the nWo.


Hulk Hogan isn’t the only one to use this theme song. President Barack Obama came out to “Real American” at the 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Kenny Powers came out to it while playing in a Mexican baseball league on Eastbound and Down. Indeed “Real American” is not only associated with the red and the yellow but also the red white and blue.

Image Courtesy of the WWE
Happy Independence Day, Everyone!
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So That Happpened: 07/01/13

Posted on July 3, 2013 by 3mbooth

RAW begins with Vickie Guerrero announcing John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio tonight in a Champions vs. Champions Match.

The Money In The Bank All-Stars: 

 Daniel Bryan walks out with a new shirt!

Daniel Bryan says last week, the question that was on everyone’s mind was finally answered: Is Daniel Bryan the Weak Link? Bryan says the question was answered after making Randy Orton tap last week: “NO! NO! NO!” Bryan brings up a new question: Can Daniel Bryan ride the wave of momentum and win the WWE All-Stars Money In The Bank and win a WWE Championship Contract. Bryan ponders a 3 letter word to answer that question then starts chanting “YES!” with the WWE Universe. Daniel Bryan tells the WWE Universe that he wants to be WWE Champion and follow in the footsteps of the greats like Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, The Rock then adds his name to the list.

Daniel Bryan reminds us that 2 years ago, he won the Money In The Bank and successfully cashed in to became World Heavyweight Champion, but thinks it’s been far too long since he’s been Champion. Bryan says just because this MITB is filled with All Stars, doesn’t mean he can’t repeat himself. Bryan says he will be WWE Champion until #ScumbagSheamus interrupts.

#ScumbagSheamus comes out and reminds Daniel Bryan, despite Bryan’s wishes, that he beat him for the World Heavyweight Championship in 18 Seconds.

#ScumbagSheamus says he’s not going to say he’s going to win in the Money In The Bank All-Stars Match in 18 Seconds, but it’s been far too long since he’s been a Champion and he’s going to win. Bryan asks #ScumbagSheamus that if he called 1-800-Fella, would #ScumbagSheamus be able to Brogue Kick himself in the face. #ScumbagSheamus commends Bryan on having a sense of humor then calls him a troll until calls Randy Orton interrupts.

Randy Orton reminds us that he hasn’t been a champion for almost two years. Orton says he’s not hungry, he’s starving and and that a starving man takes what he needs. Orton says he needs the WWE Title. Orton says once he wins the WWE Championship, he will not hesitate to cash it in.

Daniel Bryan tells Randy Orton that he knows he wants to be WWE Champion, but he also knows that last week, he made Randy Orton tap out. After a “You Tapped Out” chant, Orton tells Bryan that if he disrespects him one more time, he will drop him where he stands. Orton admits to being desparate, but that means in 2 weeks at Money In The Bank, no one is safe. Orton is interrupted by Kane’s fire.

Kane agrees with Randy Orton that no one is safe, especially Orton. Kane says no one in the history in the WWE has been more ruthless than him, especially when the WWE Championship is involved. Kane says he has no problems committing unspeakable acts against his opponents, even his so called friends.

Daniel Bryan calls Kane out on looking at him weird then tells Kane that unlike Bryan, he couldn’t beat Randy Orton on Smackdown. Kane says he can’t wait for the MITB All Stars Ladder Match because it’s every man for himself. No partners, No Friends, Only Victims. Daniel Bryan and Kane start arguing until Christian comes out.

Christian says he hates to break up the “lovers quarrel” but he wants to remind everyone that he has more experience and success than anyone in the WWE when it comes to Ladder Matches. Christian says he’s been gone for a while, but when he came back, he was looking for One More Match and that match will be for the WWE Championship.

Christian says his unofficial catchphrase (It’s Like This), then says he might not be the biggest guy, strongest, scariest or hairiest guy in this match, but he is without of doubt the best.

CM Punk comes out and says he made a promise to himself to not come out here and do what everyone else and brag about winning the Money In The Bank. Punk tells Christian that he respects the hell out of him, but not only is Punk the Best In The World, he’s the best at the Money In The Bank because he’s the only person who’s won it twice. And in two weeks, he’s going to be the only person who can say he won it three times.

CM Punk says he doesn’t care if anyone misunderstands him, but no one can touch him in this ring. Punk knows how formidable the competition is then turns his attention to Rob Van Dam. Punk tells RVD (off camera) that he knows his game plan and that RVD will do whatever it takes to win that briefcase. Punk starts to talk about how tough #ScumbagSheamus is, then gets cut off by Daniel Bryan. Bryan tells Punk that he doesn’t want to hear another word from Punk and if he says one more word, he’s going to make Punk tap out faster than Randy Orton did last week.

Randy Orton almost attacks Daniel Bryan but Kane gets in front of Bryan.

Daniel Bryan tells Kane that there’s no need for Kane to protect him, which allows Randy Orton to hit the RKO on Kane.

After a multi-man staredown, Christian leaves the ring first, followed by CM Punk, Sheamus then Randy Orton as Daniel Bryan stands over Kane.

Match 01: The Shield vs. Christian and The Usos

Winners: The Shield

Backstage: Daniel Bryan apologizes to Kane about what happened in the ring, then tells Kane that he spoke to Vickie Guerrero and found a way to make it up to him. Kane thinks Bryan has done enough. Bryan asks Kane if he’s still upset about losing to Randy Orton on Smackdown, but Kane tells Bryan to stay out of his way. Bryan tells Kane that he got him a rematch against Randy Orton tonight. Kane says he’s happy to hear that, then thanks his little buddy Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan tells Kane one more thing. Bryan has been named the Special Guest Referee for the match tonight.

Match 02: Dolph Ziggler vs. Jinder Mahal

Dolph Ziggler hits the Zig Zag on Jinder Mahal.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Post-Match, 3MB tries to attack Dolph Ziggler

Dolph Ziggler outsmarts all 3 of them.

Mark Henry Career Retrospect:

Backstage: Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox are talking about the McMahons until Triple H walks up. Triple H asks Vickie Guerrero to continue her McMahon rant, but Vickie declines. Triple H tells Vickie Guerrero that she’s doing her job well and that she’s listening to the WWE Universe. Vickie Guerrero vents her frustrations about all the McMahons giving her advice, but Triple H tells her to listen to everything they have to say, but listen to him and not them.

Match 03: Randy Orton vs. Kane (with Daniel Bryan as the Special Guest Referee)

Kane hits a series of elbows on Randy Orton.

Daniel Bryan calls for a DQ!

Winner: Kane

After arguing with Kane, Daniel Bryan restarts the match.

Randy Orton goes for an RKO but Daniel Bryan stops him. Kane hits a boot to the face on Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan counts quicker than usual.

Winner: Kane

Post-Match, Kane and Daniel Bryan argue about the ending of the match. Kane almost Chokeslams Daniel Bryan, but let’s Bryan go and walks away instead.

Randy Orton hits the RKO on Daniel Bryan.

Backstage: CM Punk tells Paul Heyman that he will beat both Prime Time Players by himself and that Curtis Axel can stand on the apron and watch. Heyman understands that Punk is upset with the PTP, but doesn’t understand the hostility with Heyman and Axel. Punk tells Heyman that he trusts him, but doesn’t trust Curtis Axel. Heyman reminds Punk that he heard the same criticism about Punk in 2005, then in 2005 about CM Punk and tells Punk to trust his judgment.

Match 04: Fandango vs. #ScumbagSheamus

Fandango dances around the ring.

#ScumbagSheamus mocks Fandango’s dance.

#ScumbagSheamus starts hitting Fandango with his chest move.

Fandango walks out of the match.

Winner: #ScumbagSheamus (via countout)

Match 05: The Miz vs. Ryback (w/ Chris Jericho on commentary)

After a series of kicks to Ryback’s leg, the referee asks Ryback if he wants to stop the match. Ryback actually agrees to stop the match!

Winner: The Miz

Post-Match, Chris Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Ryback.

Mark Henry Speaks:

Mark Henry introduces himself as the Strongest Man In The World. Henry says he didn’t get the name from a cracker jack box, he earned it by being the youngest and strongest kid. Henry reminds us that he representing the United States in the Olympics in 92 and 96. Henry says he maintained that status for the past 17 years in the WWE and earned the respect of every Superstar, but there’s a lot of jealously, backstabbing and politics.

Mark Henry claims that they never gave him an opportunity to be a WWE Champion despite all the miles and years he traveled and doing the right thing. Henry says that after all the years he’s given to this organization, he deserves to be the WWE Champion and earned the right to be the WWE Champion. Henry calls the WWE Universe puppets and says at the Money In The Bank PPV, nobody is going to keep him down. Henry claims he’s going to do the right thing for him and him only. Henry says after he beats John Cea, nobody in the world will be able to deny him and that the people will say that Mark Henry earned the WWE Championship.

Mark Henry demands the camera in his face then says he wants these words to sink in. Henry tells John Cena that at Money In the Bank, he’s going to beat his ass.

Backstage: Mr. McMahon walks in on Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox and scolds her about continuing to use Daniel Bryan, then commends her on a great Main Event. McMahon quickly changes his tune and says that John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio should be on PPV and not given away for free. Vickie Guerrero tries to apologize, but Mr. McMahon tells her that there’s a laundry list of people that have been fired or personally thrown out by him because they don’t listen to him. McMahon tells them to enjoy the evening then walks off.

Match 06: The Prime Time Players vs. CM Punk and Curtis Axel

CM Punk hits the GTS on Darren Young, but Curtis Axel steals the pin.

Winners: CM Punk and Curtis Axel

Match 07: Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox

Kaitlyn hits a spear on Alicia Fox.

Winner: Kaitlyn

Post-Match, AJ Lee’s music hits and she comes out with Big E. Langston. AJ calls Kaitlyn “Katie Kaboom” and the internet explodes.

AJ Lee claims that Kaitlyn tried to assassinate her character last week on Smackdown, then calls Kaitlyn trash again. AJ says that she knows it and Big E. knows it and soon everyone else will know it. AJ brings up Kaitlyn’s “unsavory modeling pictures” when she was broke and young and desperate, then decides to show one.

AJ says she’s sorry but this was necessary to show because she wanted to remind Kaitlyn about where she came from. AJ says after Money In The Bank, that’s where Kaitlyn will end up again.

Backstage: Vickie Guerrero is giving Brad Maddox orders until Stephanie McMahon interrupts them. Stephanie scolds Vickie about AJ Lee’s actions, but Vickie says she wasn’t watching. Stephanie scolds Vickie further for not handling the situation, just like how last week, she didn’t announce the Money In The Bank All-Stars Participants.

Vickie Guerrero says she’s trying her best, and vents about how Mr. McMahon, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon being in her head. Stephanie says she understands where Vickie is coming from then asks how she can help. Vickie Guerrero tries to relate to Stephanie McMahon as a woman in a male dominated environment, then makes from of Mr. McMahon and Triple H, but Stephanie is not amused. Stephanie tells Vickie that they’re not friends and that this is business and she doesn’t appreciate Vickie making fun of her family and trying to turn them against each other.

Stephanie McMahon agrees that Vickie Guerrero needs to know where she stands so next week on RAW Vickie Guerrero will have a public job evaluation. Stephanie tells Vickie that she could either be promoted or be fired. Stephanie says that’s the beauty about RAW. You never know what’s going to happen next. Stephanie walks off as Vickie Guerrero looks ready to cry.

Match 08:  Cody Rhodes (w/ Damien Sandow) vs. Antonio Cesaro (w/ Zeb Colter)

Damien Sandow says that in two weeks, he and Cody Rhodes will be in the MITB Ladder Match for a World Heavyweight Champion Contract, but despite this, they will remain best friends, much to the chagrins of the “mouthbreathers” of the WWE Universe. Cody Rhodes agrees and says that he and Sandow are the last of their kind: Men of Character. Rhodes says he and Sandow, will not lower themselves to the WWE Universe’s level by allowing competition to get between them. As the crowd boos, Sandow says “Silence!” followed by “You’re Welcome.”

Zeb Colter comes out and rants about the country being stolen from America. Colter says Congress passed a law that forgives American Illegal immigrants, and that the institution of Marriage is under attack. Colter continues to rant about free speech and privacy.

Zeb Colter says that it’s time that someone stood up and made a stand. Colter says he and Antonio Cesaro are not alone in their fight because a Real American, Jack Swagger, is back. Colter says that they’ve come here to draw first blood and everyone needs to choose their side now. You’re either with them or against them, and if you’re against them, you’re doomed to fail. Swagger and Cesaro say “We The People.”

Winner: Antonio Cesaro

Backstage: The Bella Twins are talking with the new Total Divas, Eva Marie and Jo Jo. The Bellas thank the two of them for coming to the Total Divas casting meeting, then tells Eva and Jo that they should be excited for inviting them. The Bellas run down the new girls and claim that this reality show wouldn’t be happening if they didn’t come back since they’re the stars of the series.

Eva Marie and Jo Jo say they’re all the stars, but Brie says not all stars shine bright. Natalya, Cameron and Naomi walk up. The Divas get an argument with The Bellas, who try to mock them, but they continue to stand up for each other. The Bellas say that the Divas are finally getting the attention they deserve and they need to remind everyone who’s on top. Nikki says it’s not Kaitlyn, AJ, or the other Divas, it’s about The Bellas then walk off.

Match 09: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena (Champion vs. Champion)

 Alberto Del Rio walks out without RicRod.

John Cena hits a Flying Cross Body on Alberto Del Rio!

Mark Henry comes out and distracts John Cenam, but Dolph Ziggler comes out and distracts Alberto Del Rio, allowing John Cena hits the AA for the win.

Winner: John Cena

Post-Match, Mark Henry picks up the WWE Championship. Mark Henry almost charges at Cena but Cena backs up. Henry drops the belt and Cena tries to pick up the belt, but Mark Henry stops him. Henry smirks then leaves as John Cena picks up his WWE Championship and stares at him.

Michael Cole announces that the Wyatt Family will debut next week on RAW, then RAW ends with a Wyatt Family Promo.

So That Happened:

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Highlight Reel: Bret Hart Day

Posted on July 3, 2013 by 3mbooth
 In Highlight Reel, 3MB will look at funny and interesting wrestling videos

There are 2 important Holidays in the History of Canadian / American Wrestling Relations: Canadian Thanksgiving, The Montreal Screwjob and Canada Day. These three two days are very important to WWE Hall of Famer Bret “The Hitman” Hart. On October 12, 1992 – Canada’s Thanksgiving – Bret defeated Ric Flair in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada for the his first WWF Championship. And Canada Day, which fell on a Monday this year, also goes by another name: Bret Hart Eve. July 2 is the Hitman’s birthday and, as one of the best – if not THE best – technical wrestler in the history of the WWE, he has certainly earned any and all adulation, having innovative matches with everyone including Mr. Perfect, Roddy Piper, his brother-in-law The British Bulldog, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, his brother Owen, and Stone Cold Steve Austin, who was elevated to another status after their I Quit match at Wrestlemania 13.

Even though Bret is no longer part of the regular roster, he occasionally appears on WWE programming with a tendency to innovate. He inspired both CM Punk and Ricardo Rodriguez to don elements of the Hitman’s apparel. The WWE even held a Bret Hart Appreciation Night exclusively on the WWE App (Hey, it made me download the App). Bret even unintentionally created an Internet Meme through his “4 out of 10” comment. But it turns out Bret Hart has been far more forward than we realized.

Courtesy of  Imreallybadatthis

No, not that! but close. Back in 1999 (when America Online was still a thing), Bret hooked up with Canadian rap group – The Rascalz – and lent his vocals to a song, “Sharpshooter (Best of the Best).” Bret went beyond sampling and also appears in video. He may have had some creative license; with the aid of a future lens, there are some moments that are far too coincidental to be an accident.

Bret Hart is on RapGenius because of this song (and at least 10 others)! The video, though, has several nods to the professional wrestling that didn’t happen yet. One of the Rascalz’s MCs – either Red1 or Misfit – throws up a hand gesture that could easily be the beginnings of “You Can’t See Me.” You could image that a young rap enthusiast named John Cena being subliminally influenced by that moment while watching TV in West Newbury, MA. There are more coincidences later on, as well. Near the end, when Bret escapes the mad scientist’s laboratory and joins up with the Radicalz (seriously), he leads the crowd in “awkward fist pumping,” the same awkward fist pumping that the “Woo Woo Woo Kid” Zack Ryder does. Maybe when young Cena, taking a break from his Thuganomics doctorate, tuned in to Music Box, young Ryder was also watching the video at the same time. Also of note: this entire sequence, including a spot where Bret Hart bodyslams the evil doctor, takes place in a 6-sided ring, which later rose to notoriety through Total Nonstop Action.

We all expected Bret Hart’s influence in wrestling to be evident in his matches but it turns out that even Bret’s outside the ring projects made their way into the history of professional wrestling. As Bret Hart turns another year older, it turns out that there’s still much more to learn from his expertise. Happy Birthday, Bret!

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So That Happened: 06/24/13

Posted on June 26, 2013 by 3mbooth

RAW starts off with Daniel Bryan!

Daniel Bryan takes the mic and says before he starts the match, there are some people that accuse him of having a “complex.” Bryan says that people think he’s a walking example of the Little Man Syndrome then imitates people mocking him about his size. Bryan says he’s going to set the record straight: He was not an extra in the hobbit.


Daniel Bryan says that whether it was teaming with Kane or back on NXT, someone has always called him the weak link. Bryan calls those people morons and mentions that he stood toe-to-toe with Randy Orton twice and that a true weak link would have taken the countout victory, but he won’t be satisfied until he pins Randy Orton or makes Orton tap out. Bryan asks the WWE Universe if he’s going to do that tonight and does a “YES” chant until Randy Orton comes out.

Daniel Bryan thanks Randy Orton for coming down to the ring, but Orton grabs the mic.

Randy Orton says he wanted to tell Daniel Bryan straight to his face, “Shut up and fight!” Bryan immediately starts attacking Orton.

Match 01: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton continue to brawl until the referee gets knocked down.

Winner: No Contest 

Post-Match, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton continue to brawl.

Backstage: Daniel Bryan storms in on Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox and demands a match with Randy Orton. Brad Maddox tries to talk him out of it saying they have a full show. Bryan says if he can’t have a match with Orton, he wants a match with Maddox.

Vickie Guerrero grants Daniel Bryan his match with Orton who screams “YES!” before walking out.

Vickie Guerrero teases Brad Maddox about being scared to face Daniel Bryan until Mr. McMahon shows up. Mr. McMahon tells Vickie Guerrero that some people consider Daniel Bryan an embarrassment because of his size and psychological complexity. Vickie Guerrero asks Mr. McMahon what he thinks, and McMahon tells her to figure it out then walks off.

Match 02: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. #ScumbagSheamus and Christian

Cody Rhodes pushes Damien Sandow out of the way and gets a Brogue Kick. Winners: Christian and #ScumbagSheamus

Backstage: Vickie Guerrero walks up to CM Punk who is texting. Vickie calls Punk’s name and he asks if Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar are here, but Vickie says she hasn’t seen them. Vickie Guerrero tries to put Punk in a match tonight, but Punk continues texting.

Vickie screams “Excuse Me!” but Punk responds with an “Excuse Me” of his own then tells Vickie to find him when Heyman and Lesnar show up.

Match 03: Kaitlyn vs. Aksana

During the match, Kaitlyn’s theme plays and she starts to get confused.

AJ Lee comes out dressed Kaitlyn during the match.

Aksana tries to roll up Kaitlyn, but she kicks out. Aksana gets a spear for her efforts.

Winner: Kaitlyn

Post-Match, AJ Lee continues her Kaitlyn roleplay by mocking Kaitlyn for losing the Divas Championship to AJ and her dignity. AJ makes fun of Kaitlyn for actually believing she had a secret admirer and then Big E. Langston comes out.

AJ Lee and Big E. Langston do a dramatic reenactment of Kaitlyn finding out Big E. Langston was the secret admirer, adding comments like “I always wished to find a man who had a voice as deep as mine, legs as thick as mine and an Adam’s apple.”

AJ, still impersonating Kaitlyn, says that she knows she’ll never beat AJ for the Divas Championship, so she’s going to continue being the butt of AJ’s jokes. Kaitlyn tries to attack AJ, but Layla holds her back as AJ leaves in Big E.’s arms.

Match 04: Chris Jericho vs. Alberto Del Rio

RicRod mocks South Caroline then introduces Alberto Del Rio.

Chris Jericho hits the Lionsault.

Alberto Del Rio locks Chris Jericho in the Cross Armbreaker!

Chris Jericho counters it with the Walls Of Jericho, but RicRod quickly interferes and attacks Y2J with the bucket!

Winner: Chris Jericho (via DQ)

Post-Match, Dolph Ziggler comes in and attacks Alberto Del Rio.

RicRod tries to interfere but Chris Jericho takes him down with a Codebreaker! Dolph Ziggler and Chris Jericho have a staredown.

Chris Jericho walks off, but Dolph Ziggler hits the Zig Zag on Y2J.

Backstage: Vickie Guerrero is talking with Brad Maddox about cancelling Daniel Bryan’s match tonight until Triple H walks in and says that he heard a nasty rumor about Vickie cancelling the match. Vickie explains herself, but Triple H tells her it doesn’t matter what he or anyone else back here thinks, it’s about what the WWE Universe wants. Vickie agrees and Triple H tells her that he wants her to over deliver tonight. Triple H wants the WWE Universe to pick the stipulation between Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton. Vickie reluctantly agrees.

WWE 2K14 Cover Reveal: Jerry Lawler introduces Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox then says they’re out here to debut the launch of the new WWE2K14 Videogame. Lawler tells the WWE Universe about a contest where a fan can create their own cover of the videogame. The winner will have the honor of having their cover on the flipside of the videogame.

Vickie Guerrero interrupts Jerry Lawler and starts getting booed immediately. Vickie screams Excuse Me, but it only makes things worse. Vickie tells the WWE Universe that having your voice heard is important, whether it’s a videogame cover or a match. Vickie Guerrero tries to tell the WWE Universe that she’s giving them a chance to choose the stipulation for Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton but they keep booing. The stipulations are: Lumberjack Match, Street Fight or Falls Count Anywhere.

Vickie Guerrero decides to reveal her own cover of WWE 2K14 which features Mr. McMahon, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon.

Brad Maddox reveals his own cover of WWE 2K14, which represents (in his eyes), the future of the WWE. It’s John Cena, CM Punk and Brad Maddox in the center.

Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox start arguing, but Jerry Lawler cuts them off and gets ready to reveal the REAL cover of WWE 2K14! It’s The Rock!

Match 05: Ryback vs. The Great Khali

Ryback manages to lift The Great Khali up for Shellshock then drops him with it!

Winner: Ryback

John Cena Speaks:

John Cena talks about how lively the crowd is tonight and how the WWE Universe Members know the WWE. Cena shifts focus over to the WWE Championship and mentions that thousands have tried to win it, but only 43 men have been able to win the WWE Championship. Cena says whether you’ve held the title for 8 years like Bruno Sammartino or one night, like Rey Mysterio, winning the WWE Championship puts you in an elite fraternity because you’ve earned the respect of your peers.

Flashback to that glorious day: 
Image courtesy of The Art Of Wrasslin

John Cena says many men have tried to do some crazy and dastardly things to hold on to the WWE Championship but shortcuts do not equal respect. Cena talks about how men have tried to buy and steal the WWE Championship and how he’s seen men crack under pressure on their quest to chase the title. Cena reminds us that Mr. McMahon was also a WWE Champion then says last week, we saw how low a man would go to chase the WWE Championship.

John Cena reminds us all of what Mark Henry did, claiming that he disgraced his family and cheated the WWE Universe. Cena thinks that Henry’s speech was an utter disaster and disrespectful to Superstars like Edge, Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels who actually had retirement speeches. Cena assumes Mark Henry did what he did because he’s been in the WWE for 17 years and realizes that his time is running out and will not have a legacy unless he holds on to the WWE Championship.

John Cena tells Mark Henry that to hold on to the WWE Championship, Henry has to go through him, and that the best part of Mark Henry’s speech was when he handed back the WWE Championship and said he had to earn it. Cena agrees then tells Henry that he’ll realize at Money In The Bank, the only thing Henry earned was the opportunity to knock Henry’s teeth down his throat. Cena talks about how dangerous and deceitful Mark Henry is, but mentions there’s one thing Henry forgot to do: Check his calendar. Cena says they’re still in the middle of Whoop Ass Season and in 3 weeks, Mark Henry is going to find out what the world already knows: RTIME=NOW and The Champ Is Here!

Match 06: Tons Of Funk vs. 3MB vs. The Usos (#1 Contenders Match)

Scotty Campbell, who bid for this during the Superstars For Sandy Relief, comes out dancing with Tons Of Funk.

Winners: The Usos

Post-Match, The Shield comes out and has a staredown with The Usos.

Paul Heyman Speaks: Paul Heyman says for the past week, he’s been asked about Brock Lesnar attacking CM Punk on RAW and he’s been avoiding talking to CM Punk’s calls, texts and voicemails because he wants to do this face-to-face. Heyman calls out CM Punk, who comes down to the ring.

CM Punk questions Paul Heyman for wanting to air Dirty Laundry in public then says that before he asks his questions, the public needs to be caught up to speed on why he even has questions. CM Punk goes through the long history of why he is a Paul Heyman Guy (I’m not typing it out. Watch the segment or Buy the DVD. It’s worth it.)

CM Punk finishes the history lesson then tells Paul Heyman that there’s two things he wants to say to him. The first thing is he wants Heyman to tell Brock Lesnar that he’s coming for him. Punk doesn’t care if Brock is bigger or stronger because Brock is not better than him. Punk says he’s the best wrestler on the planet and that Paul Heyman knows it better than anybody. Punk tells Heyman that he’s going to say this to his face since Brock doesn’t have the balls to be here: There’s no one more sadistic, relentless or dangerous than CM Punk and Punk will do whatever he has to in order to bring Heyman’s Beast Incarnate down.

CM Punk tells Paul Heyman that despite Heyman’s past, he never did Punk wrong. Punk asks Heyman if Brock Lesnar attacked him on his own or if Heyman sent Brock Lesnar to attack him because Punk told him he didn’t want Heyman ringside anymore. An emotional Punk implores Heyman to tell the truth, and swear on his children if he had something to do with this.

Paul Heyman tells CM Punk that he never wanted it to be this way between them, but since he demands the truth and because Punk’s his best friend, he deserves the truth. Heyman claims on his children, he did not know that Brock Lesnar would be here last week. After the crowd boos, Heyman says that’s the same response he would get from Mr. McMahon, Stephanie McMahon and John Laurinaitis whenever he mentioned CM Punk.

Paul Heyman reminds CM Punk that Brock Lesnar fulfilled his contractual obligations and that he had no idea Brock Lesnar would be there last week. Heyman also reminds Punk that the moment Heyman said Brock Lesnar needed his help, CM Punk picked a fight with Brock Lesnar. Heyman says this was bound to happen because of their professional jealousy with each other. Heyman backs that up by saying that’s the reason he never pitched a CM Punk/Brock Lesnar tag team to Punk, Brock or Mr. McMahon.

Paul Heyman says Friendship was the exception to the rule with Brock Lesnar and CM Punk, just like it was in 2005/2006 when he was trying to bring CM Punk up. Heyman agrees about all his flaws, but says he’s not stupid. Heyman thinks he’s going to walk down that aisle one day with CM Punk when he’s challenging for the WWE Championship or in the Main Event at Wrestlemania. Heyman says that’s his dream because of as unpopular and uncomfortable as it is for people to here, he loves CM Punk and Punk is his best friend.

Paul Heyman tells Punk that he will never represent anyone against him and that includes Brock Lesnar. Heyman says Brock Lesnar will have a problem with that, but that’s not Punk’s problem. That’s Heyman’s problem. Paul Heyman reminds CM Punk that in 2005/2006 that everyone wanted him to get rid of CM Punk. Heyman brings it to 2013 and says everyone is now telling Punk to get rid of Heyman. Heyman tells Punk that his fate is in Punk’s hands and with all due respect, it’s Punk’s move.

After thinking about it for quite some time, CM Punk tells Paul Heyman that he’s sorry that he doubted Heyman then gives him a hug.

I’m sorry…

Match 07: Darren Young vs. CM Punk

Darren Young is actually take it to CM Punk!

Darren Young hits the Gutbuster on CM Punk and gets a 2.9 count!

CM Punk manages to lock in the Anaconda Vice.

Winner: CM Punk

Post-Match, CM Punk gets attacked by The Prime Time Players until Curtis Axel comes out for the save.

Backstage: Vickie Guerrero is asking for Brad Maddox to return until she’s interrupted by Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie McMahon asks Vickie why she hasn’t mentioned the Championship Participants in the Money In The Bank Yet. Vickie says she’s been swamped but Stephanie decides to announce the participants herself.

Stephanie McMahon announces the RAW Money In The Bank Participants:

Stephanie McMahon lists the MITB Ladder Match Partcipants: CM Punk! Daniel Bryan! Sheamus!

Randy Orton, Christian, Kane….

And making his return to the WWE for the first time in 4 years…*Stephanie does a RVD Impression* Rob Van Dam!

Backstage: Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox argue until Ryback walks up breathing heavily. Ryback brags about how easily he defeated The Great Khali and how he pinned John Cena at Payback. Ryback demands that Vickie Guerrero cancel the John Cena and Mark Henry match and make a rematch between Ryback and John Cena for the WWE Championship. Ryback continues to complain until he’s interrupted by Chris Jericho, who vents his frustrations about being attacked by 3 guys tonight and not being in the Money In The Bank. Jericho thinks he deserves to be in the match so he can become WWE Champion. Ryback gets mad at Chris Jericho for interrupting him then claims he can eat Jericho alive.

Brad Maddox tries to separates Chris Jericho and Ryback, but gets scared off when they stare at him. Vickie Guerrero screams Excuse Me then yells at the two of them for making demands when she is their boss. Vickie decides to have Ryback face Chris Jericho at Money In The Bank then kicks them out her office. Ryback tells Jericho that he’ll see him at MITB.

Backstage: CM Punk is upset at Paul Heyman for getting involved in his match with the Prime Time Players. Heyman says that the PTP jumped CM Punk and he didn’t want to see his best friend jumped. Heyman tells Punk he fixed it by making the Prime Time Players vs. CM Punk and Curtis Axel. An angry Punk accepts the match because it’s his fight and he’s going to prove that he’s the Best In the World.

Mark Henry Speaks:

Mark Henry brags that he fooled everyone then mocks the WWE Universe for their signs, chants and tears. Henry claims because of his spectacular performance, he’s been nominated for an Academy Award. Henry also claims he had Quentin Tarantino, Steven Spielberg and Tyler Perry reach out to him, which is great, but not what he wants or deserves.

Mark Henry says he’s had people very upset with him because he used his friends, family and WWE Superstars, but he’s not going to apologize to anyone. Henry talks about how people his whole life have been telling him how to live and to work hard. Henry says at Money In The Bank, you’re going to see a no good, dirty, filthy, lying, cheating, Mark Henry then calls the WWE Universe puppets. Henry says last week, he said that he was coming home. Henry tries to continue, but a fan calls him out on his suit and Henry quickly shuts him down and says he’s coming home WWE Champion.

Match 08: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton (Street Fight)

Daniel Bryan tries to kick Randy Orton onto the table, but decides to slide out of the ring and Powerbomb Orton through the table!

Daniel Bryan hits Randy Orton with his kicks to the chest, while adding hits with a kendo stick!

Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton start punching each other.

After multiple attempts to lock in the No Lock on Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan locks in the No Lock while stabbing Orton with the Kendo Stick! Orton has no choice but to tap out.

Winner: Daniel Bryan

Post-Match, Randy Orton reluctantly shakes Daniel Bryan’s hand then leaves the ring. Daniel Bryan celebrates with “YES!” chants.

So That Happened:

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The Meme Event: Condescending Nerd AJ

Posted on June 22, 2013 by 3mbooth
In The Meme Event, 3MBooth shares Wrestling Inspired Memes.

Remember when we made a list of possible Simpsons Secret Admirers for Kaitlyn? Well, in a weird way, we guessed right! It was revealed that none other than Kaitlyn’s former BFF, AJ Lee, was behind the entire thing, making AJ the Mr. Burns of the WWE and – by extension – Big E. Langston is “Black Smithers.” And if “Catfishing” wasn’t enough, AJ added insult to injury by first berating Kaitlyn on RAW and then capturing the Divas Championship from her at WWE Payback.
It’s hard to believe that, almost a year ago, the NEWWWWWWW Divas Champion was the General Manager of RAW and the inspiration for our Fantasy RAW GM Meme. AJ is still a nerd, but she is not the nerd we once knew.  Indeed, someone set AJ to “Evil” and now she’s using her nerd tendencies to dismantle the Divas’ Division. AJ turned Kaitlyn’s love of The Simpsons into a weakness. Now that she’s the Divas Champion, AJ’s set to take apart the WWE Universe, meme by meme. Introducing Condescending Nerd AJ!

Condescending Nerd AJ is our latest meme based off AJ Lee’s Mean Streak. We may have the same things in common with AJ, but she’s not our friend, so she’s going to make fun of us.

You can find the rest of these on Facebook and Tumblr pages throughout the week! Remember, this is all in fun and AJ probably likes you in real life.
…Or not.

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