DVR is WAR: 02/8/16 (Daniel Bryan Retires. #ThankYouDanielBryan)

Welp. This is it. This is THE RAW. The Daniel Bryan Retirement RAW. Let’s rip off this band-aid, folks.

Watch:

Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #1 (0:00)

The entire night is a Daniel Bryan tribute night. Get your tear ducts ready. Ration your tissues.

Skip:

WWE Fastlane Main Event Contract Signing (0:02)

Stephanie teases the Seattle crowd’s “DAN-IEL BRY-AN!” chants to bring out the main event of Fastlane – Dean Ambrose versus Roman Reigns versus Brock Lesnar  – to sign the contract and make it official. Then Stephanie quickly gets out of the way because…

Watch: Brock Lesnar sign with an Exclamation Point! (10:50)

Brock Lesnar wastes no time taking this contract signing to its inevitable conclusion: violence! He uses Dean as a weapon to attack Roman. Then, he uses a table to attack Roman. THEN, he delivers an F5 to Dean Ambrose!

Triple H appears to survey the carnage and scout his future Wrestlemania 32 opponent.

Watch: Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #2 (15:05)

The video package highlights Daniel Bryan’s time in the original NXT. He faced Chris Jericho on his first night and made a name for himself in the WWE right away.

Skip: Dean Ambrose wants revenge on Brock Lesnar (19:33)

That’s it.

If You Have Time:

Kevin Owens versus Dolph Ziggler (20:00)

Ziggler and Owens face each other for the third week in a row. They keep trying to one-up each other. Ziggler put a sleeper hold on Owens that took them to the outside. Owens leveled Ziggler with a clothesline. Ziggler hit the fameasser from the ring apron. Owens delivered a sick Superkick! But it took a missed cannonball from Owens and assistance from the ring ropes for Ziggler to pick up the win.

Watch: Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #3 (34:45)

Daniel Bryan wins his first title in the WWE, the United States Championship, from his NXT Pro, The Miz.

Watch: The Usos and the Dudleys meet backstage (39:18)

The Dudleys heard there was Tables Match happening between the Usos and the The New Day. They want in.

If you have time: Charlotte versus Alicia Fox (42:08)

Brie is busy being at the side of Daniel Bryan, so she couldn’t completed. Team Bella member Alicia Fox steps in to face Charlotte. Foxy lost.

Watch: Miz TV / Highlight Reel (57:24)

Jericho turns The Miz’s Miz TV into Jerichos’ Highlight Reel, complete with changing the decor. Then the Miz and Jericho tease each other about their respective losses to AJ Styles. The Miz lost a tooth but Jericho insists that he is better than the Phenomenal One.

Watch: AJ Styles joins Jericho and Miz (1:09:30)

Having heard enough, AJ Styles decides the join the fray.

The Miz uses this opportunity to sneak attack Jericho. Jericho and Styles team up to kick The Miz out of the ring. Before Jericho and Styles comes to blows, The Miz pulls Jericho out of the ring.

Watch Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #4 (1:13:45)

Daniel Bryan wins Money in the Bank and cashes in to win the World Heavyweight Championship!

Skip: Bray Wyatt versus The Ryback (1:18:42)

The Ryback is no longer wearing singlets. He looks like a cross between Goldberg and Bluetista.

Bray counters the Meathook clothesline into Sister Abigail. Then the Wyatts beat up The Ryback some more.

Watch Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #5 (1:32:14)

TEAM HELL NO!

Skip: The New Day backstage promo (1:37:40)

The New Day are classic New Day, buffing, measuring and calculating before their Tables match but tonight’s about Daniel Bryan. Renee tells The New Day they need to find a partner because it’s now an 8 Man Tables match.

Watch: Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns backstage (1:38:55)

Roman Reigns wants to see Dean Ambrose get revenge of Brock Lesnar. He agrees to stat out of it because Dean wants to Brock Lesnar by himself.

Skip: Titus O’Neil versus Adam Rose (1:40:00)

The Radical Mongoose beat the Gator!

Watch: Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #6 (1:50:38)

Daniel Bryan defeats John Cena for the WWE Title! AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS

Watch: WWE’s tribute to Black History month (1:54:37)

WWE highlights several black wrestlers that have paved the way for all of us wrestling fans

Watch: Dean Ambrose calls out Brock Lesnar (1:55:35)

Ambrose insults Lesnar every way he can think of. He says the F5 felt like an F2. He says that Paul Heyman is in charge of Brock Lesnar’s manhood. He says that Subway is better than Jimmy John’s. Finally, Lesnar comes to the ring and beats up on Ambrose. He delivers another F5 and walks away. Dean, pulling himself up from the apron, calls for another F5 from Lesnar. Reigns appears at the top of the ramp as Lesnar gets the ring. It gives Dean a chance to deliver a low blow to Lesnar before sliding out of the ring and crumbling onto the ring ramp.

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Skip: Lucha Dragons vs The League of Nations (Rusev and Del Rio) (2:09:33)

Tonight’s about Daniel Bryan after all. Sin Cara’s back, which is good but the League of Nations target Kalisto.

Del Rio picks up the win and the momentum going into the United States Championship match at Fastlane.

Skip: R-Truth and Goldust (2:17:50)

R-Truth and Goldust meet outside the Experience Music Project. Goldust is dressed like Jimi Hendrix and smashes a guitar aka “Little Jimmy.”

Watch: Sasha Banks walks to ringside for commentary (2:19:30)

Sasha, while wearing Bayley Bands, walks to the ring to be on the commentary team for Becky Lynch versus Tamina.

Watch: Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #7 (2:20:06)

The time that Daniel  Bryan and the WWE Universe “Occupy RAW” until Triple H agrees to face Daniel Bryan at Wrestlemania 30.

Watch: Becky Lynch versus Tamina (2:25:33)

Sasha is scouting Becky Lynch before they team up to face Tamina and Naomi at Fastlane. Sasha calls herself the Beyoncé of Team B.A.D.

Tamina distracts Sasha allowing Naomi to blindside Sasha.

Sasha_Naomi_Beatdown_3MB

Becky slides out of the ring to deliver an exploder suplex to Naomi on the outside.

She walks back into the ring and directly into a superkick from Tamina. Tamina picks up the win.

Watch: The New Day find their man (2:32:15)

The New Day have found their 4th man. It’s the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry!

Upon two conditions: 1) Mark gets a turn on Francesca II. Xavier Woods reluctantly obliges.

2) Mark Henry dances to that New Day beat. Big E shows him how to get his hip wiggle on; Mark Henry drops it low!

Watch: The New Day and Henry versus The Usos and The Dudleys (2:39:31)

The New Day introduce the World’s Strongest Unicorn, Mark Henry!

The four of them take it to The Usos and the Dudleys, with Henry doing most of the heavy lifting. Then things go to far when The New Day instruct Mark to “get the tables!” That’s one command too many and Mark walks out.

With the numbers game in their favor, The Usos start delivering Superkick sandwiches long enough for The Dudleys to put Big E through a table.

Watch: The Dudleys attack The Usos (2:51:25)

The post match celebration turns ugly when The Dudleys attack their tag team partners. The Dudleys need to remind the Usos that they are The Dudleys, legends in wrestling and the originators of Table matches.

To put an exclamation point on their statement, The Dudleys hit Jimmy Uso with  3D through a table!

And The Dudleys powerbomb Jey Uso through another table!

Reigns_Usos_Table_3MB

Watch: Daniel Bryan Tribute Video #8 (2:54:00)

A compilation of Daniel Bryan’s career in the WWE is shown, leading up to his WWE World Heavyweight Championship win at Wrestlemania 30.

Must Watch: Daniel Bryan’s Retirement Speech (3:01:22)

We can’t put this moment into words. We tried the first time.

So we’ll just point out 2 things:

  1. Daniel Bryan cut his hair for Wigs For Kids.
  2. Daniel Bryan is #Grateful for all that he has been able to do in wrestling. We’re #Grateful for all that Daniel Bryan has done in wrestling.

GO TO THE WWE NETWORK TO WATCH THE REST! (3:25:40)

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