So That Happened: 05/27/13

RAW begins with a tribute to our Armed Forces.

John Cena Responds To Ryback:

John Cena says there’s a lot of unrest, anxiety and anger tonight and he understands why. Cena thinks it’s because of his controversial Last Man Standing Match against Ryback and that both Cena and Ryback think they deserve the WWE Championship. Cena brings up Ryback’s challenge at Payback to face Cena in An Ambulance Match but is cut off by a loud “We Want Bret Chant.”

John Cena tells the people at home that the WWE Universe is chanting for Bret Hart and that Bret will have his time for celebration tonight. Cena brings it back to Ryback and claims Ryback never thinks things through. After making fun of Ryback, Cena says that he thought this through and that Payback should be definitive, deliberate and hell. Cena segways into challenging Ryback to a Three Stages Of Hell Match.

John Cena tells Ryback the rules of a Three Stages Of Hell (2 out of 3 Falls with stipulations) then announces the stipulations. Stage One: A Lumberjack Stage Two: A Tables Match and Stage Three: Ryback’s Ambulance Match. Cena claims that after he wins the first 2 falls, he’s going to carry Ryback to the Ambulance and Ryback will be driven away.

Ryback comes out to audible “Goldberg” chants then agrees with John Cena’s comments about Payback. Ryback reminds John Cena of him being thrown through the L.E.D. Board then claims he took Cena to hell. Ryback tells Cena to say hello to Beelzebub, Lucifer and Satan then to say hello to Ryback.

Paul Heyman comes out and tells John Cena while he’s saying Hello to everyone, he should say Hello to a future WWE Champion and a future Hall Of Famer, the man who defeated Triple H, the newest Paul Heyman Guy, Curtis Axel.

Paul Heyman tells John Cena that it’s one thing to accept a challenge from Ryback, but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to challenge Ryback to a Three Stages Of Hell Match. Heyman calls John Cena a fighting champion then proposes a match for RAW tonight: WWE Champion John Cena vs. Future WWE Champion Curtis Axel. Cena tells Axel that he’s got guts so he’s going to give him some important advice. Cena tells Axel to stay as far away from Paul Heyman as he can and that Heyman is full of more crap than the stables after the stampede.

Curtis Axel tells John Cena that he didn’t ask for his opinion, he asked for a fight. Cena says that Curtis Axel showed guts last week, but now he’s talking like the biggest dog in the yard. Cena wants to see how good Curtis Axel is and accepts the challenge.

Match 01: Alberto Del Rio vs. Big E. Langston

Dolph Ziggler is shown watching a promo on the WWE App.

Alberto Del Rio locks Big E. Langston in the Cross Armbreaker while AJ Lee takes off the turnbuckle padding. Langston powers out.

Alberto Del Rio knocks Big E. Langston into the exposed Turnbuckle.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Post-Match, Big E. Langston and AJ Lee get into an argument then Langston storms off.

Backstage: Kane looks at Daniel Bryan pacing around talking about “Weak Links.” Kane yells at Bryan about his “Weak Link” obsession then reminds him that the only person associates Bryan with a “Weak Link” is Daniel Bryan. Kane tries to tell Bryan that being tough has nothing to do with his size, but Bryan reminds Kane that he’s 7ft. Tall. Kane reminds Bryan that if they want to beat The Shield and regain the Tag Team Titles tonight, Bryan is going to have to pull it together. Bryan calls Kane out on him thinking he’s the Weak Link and the two get into an argument until Bret Hart shows up.

Bret Hart tells Daniel Bryan and Kane to take it easy and that they’re one of the best Tag Team Partnerships he’s ever seen. Bret tells Team Hell No that tension like this destroys partnerships and that the two of them are better than this. Bryan, who is in awe, thanks Bret then asks him Hart if anyone ever considered him the Weak Link. Bret tells Daniel Bryan that being tough has nothing to do with his size and that he’s one of the best, toughest, WWE Superstar he’s ever seen and that nothing can stop him. Bret walks off as Daniel Bryan is in awe.

Kane calls Daniel Bryan out on Bryan listening to Bret when he and Bret were saying the same thing. Bryan says that it’s because that was Bret Hart, The Best There Is, The Best There Was and The Best There Ever Will Be, while Kane….is just Kane. Bryan walks off as Kane groans.

Match 02: Dean Ambrose vs. Kofi Kingston (U.S. Championship)

Kofi fails Trouble In Paradise….twice.

Dean Ambrose hits Kofi Kingston with his Finisher.

Winner: Dean Ambrose

Post-Match, Team Hell No come out and we’ve got ourselves another match!

Match 03: Team Hell No vs. The Shield (WWE Tag Team Titles)

Daniel Bryan gets the Hot Tag!

Daniel Bryan tags Kane in then dives at Seth Rollins!

Daniel Bryan tries to go for his Flying Knee on Roman Reigns instead of for the Top Rope Headbutt. It costs him.

Seth Rollins takes advantage and his the Diving Knee on Kane.

Winners: The Shield

An Update on Triple H:

Match 04: Fandango vs. Wade Barrett

The Miz comes out. The WWE Universe get to choose if The Miz is the Special Guest Referee, Special Ring Announcer or Special Guest Commentator.

The Miz gets voted in as Guest Referee.

The Miz gets hit by Wade Barrett then hits Wade with the Skull Crushing Finale. Fandango gets the pin. 

Winner: Fandango

Post-Match, The Miz kicks Fandango in the boingloins then counts Summer Rae pinning Fandango!

Winner: Summer Rae?

Backstage: John Cena is looking at his WWE Championship until Shawn Michaels walks up and tries to talk him out of his match with Curtis Axel. HBK reminds Cena of what Ryback did to him then brings up Triple H’s injuries. HBK claims that Triple H and Cena never listen, despite HBK being the voice of reason. HBK’s right because Cena decides not to listen then walks off.

Match 06: Tons Of Funk vs. 3MB

Backstage: 3MB dumps Natalya’s cake on Hornswoggle.

Winners: Tons Of Funk

Post-Match, Brodus Clay announces that it’s Natalya’s Birthday. The Great Khali sings his rendition of Happy Birthday to Natalya.

Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel with Paul Heyman:

Chris Jericho welcomes us to the RAW Is Jericho than the Highlight Reel. Jericho runs down Paul Heyman while introducing him. Paul Heyman walks out and Jericho tells him he’s been called everything from a Genius to a Walrus, but he has to give credit where credit is due. Jericho tells Heyman that he’s always had an uncanny knack for aligning himself with tremendous talent. Heyman agrees then says he not only aligns himself with great talent, but he also discovers and develops great talent as well, like Chris Jericho for example. Heyman reminds Jericho that he gave Jericho his first big break. Jericho agrees then reminds Heyman that he still owes him money.

Paul Heyman changes the subject from money to his latest Paul Heyman Guy, Curtis Axel Heyman hypes Axel’s match with Cena. Jericho talks about Curtis Axel’s potential but says he wants to talk to Heyman about his other client. Heyman cuts him off then starts hyping up Brock Lesnar until Jericho tells Heyman to “PLEASE. SHUT. THE HELL. UP.”

Chris Jericho tells Paul Heyman that he doesn’t want to talk about Curtis Axel or what Brock Lesnar is doing on Spring Break. He wants to talk about Heyman’s other client, CM Punk! Jericho reminds us that CM Punk has been gone for 6 weeks then shows the clip of CM Punk walking out of RAW. After a loud CM Punk chant, Jericho says the thng he noticed about that clip, besides the fact that Heyman is wearing the same suit again, is that Heyman has the same look on his face now as he does now, which Jericho thinks is because CM Punk not only shocked the WWE Universe with his announcement, but he also shocked Paul Heyman.

Paul Heyman tries to suck up to Chris Jericho by saying this is his favorite suit so he wanted to wear it for the Highlight Reel tonight. Jericho’s not having it then Heyman caves then starts ranting about how great CM Punk is. Heyman lists Punk’s accomplishments and says Punk didn’t have to use cheap catchphrases like “The Best There Is.” Jericho mocks Paul Heyman further with a series of Blahs then asks about Punk’s whereabouts again.

Paul Heyman tells Chris Jericho that he and his client CM Punk will have an announcement in the coming weeks about “The Best In The World.” Jericho takes offense to this and says CM Punk is not allowed to sit at home for 6 weeks and be referred to as “The Best In The World.” Heyman says he has a client at home that would disagree with Jericho’s assessment right now. Jericho waves to CM Punk at home then reminds us that WWE’s next PPV, Payback, is also in Chicago. Jericho tells Heyman that if CM Punk thinks he can still call himself “The Best In The World” after losing the WWE Championship, losing to The Undertaker, then taking his ball and going home, he’s out of his “Straight Edge Bald Headed Mind.”

Chris Jericho almost calls himself The Best In The World but Paul Heyman cuts him off. Jericho keeps taunting Heyman by teasing “The Best In The World” but Heyman tells Jericho that it’s not his right to say. Jericho responds by saying if Punk wants to stay at home in Chicago, he can’t be The Best In The World unless he wants to prove it by facing Jericho at Payback. Heyman tells Jericho that he‘s not allowed to dictate terms to Paul Heyman and CM Punk. Jericho says that Punk can stay home and he will continue to call himself “The Best In the World at What He Does.”

Paul Heyman gets fed up and accepts the challenge on Punk’s behalf Jericho Thanks Heyman then shakes his hand and brings Heyman in closer. Jericho tells Heyman that after Payback, Punk will Never. EVER. Be The Same. Again!

Match 07: The Bella Twins vs. Kaitlyn and Natalya

Natalya locks The Sharpshooter on Nikki Bella!

Brie Bella comes in and slaps Natalya off of Nikki Bella.

Kaitlyn takes Brie Bella out with The Spear. Kaitlyn tries to hit a spear on Nikki Bella but she accidentally spears Natalya!

Winners: The Bella Twins

Post-Match, The Bella Twins tease Natalya by singing “Happy Birthday Loser.”

Backstage: Bret Hart walks up to Curtis Axel and tells him he looks just like his Dad. Axel and Bret reminisce about Mr. Perfect then Axel asks Bret about what he did to Triple H. Bret Hart tries to give Curtis Axel advice about Paul Heyman, but Axel dismisses it. Axel says Paul Heyman is the only one who believed in him then tells Bret Hart to enjoy his Appreciation Night. Axel says he’s gonna be busy beating the WWE Champion, John Cena.

Bray Wyatt Promo:

Match 08: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Randy Orton and #ScumbagSheamus

Randy Orton hits a T-Bone Suplex on Cody Rhodes.

Sheamus lifts Damien Sandow up for White Noise but Cody Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster on Sheamus!

#ScumbagSheamus hits the White Noise anyway.

Winners: #ScumbagSheamus and Randy Orton

Match 09: John Cena vs. Curtis Axel

Curtis Axel looks a lot like this Gopher:

Curtis Axel hits the Perfect Plex on John Cena!

The Ambulance drives into the arena again:

It’s Ryback…

John Cena runs out the ring and tries to open the Ambulance doors. Ryback attacks Cena from behind. Ryback and John Cena brawl until Ryback runs off.

Winner: Curtis Axel (Via Countout)

So That Happened:

This entry was posted in Highlight Reel, STH, WWE, WWE RAW and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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