I Have ‘Til 5: John Cena’s Extreme Moments

In “I Have ’til 5” 3MBooth will Pick A Topic and Discuss the 5 Finer Points Of It.

This Sunday at Extreme Rules, John Cena faces The Ryback in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship. According to the WWE, John Cena has never lost at Extreme Rules. This also means, Cena is the unofficial “Mr. Extreme Rules (Mr. Wrestlemania and Mr. Summerslam are taken.) It’s hard to believe that  the squeaky clean Fruity Pebbles Sponsor is capable of anything remotely extreme, but he has his moments.. Here are five instances where John Cena has actually taken it to the Extreme.


5. Extreme Unemployment


Wrestlers get fired all the time. Ask Chris Jericho. But usually, when you get fired from a place, you don’t get to make a big emotional speech and walk off into the sunset. Unless you’re John Cena.


At Survior Series 2010, Randy Orton fought Wade Barrett with unwilling Nexus Member John Cena as Special Guest Referee in a “Free Or Fired” Match. Free or Fired meant, Wade Barrett won, Cena would be free from The Nexus. If not, he’d be fired. Barrett lost and Cena was fired immediately. Clearly upset, Cena spoke to the WWE Universe then vowed to use that free time to relax and spend time with family…


For about a week.


For the next month, the Unemployed Cena invaded RAW, IN HIS KNEEPADS and tormented The Nexus until he was granted a Chairs Match against Wade Barrett at TLC with his job on the line. 


Spoiler Alert: John Cena wins and is once again happily employed. Also, by this logic, JTG has been in the WWE longer than John Cena’s second tenure.


John Cena getting his job back isn’t the Extreme part. Fired wrestlers invade their jobs all the time. Ask Stone Cold Steve Austin. The difference between Austin and Cena in this situation is Austin never said he was leaving. Austin just sought out revenge with cars, kidnappings and other Attitude Era Calamity. Cena said he was gonna leave! If you’re gonna leave, leave! And yes, Austin wore his merchandise during his invasions, but at least he switched it up with a cammo jacket every now and then! And he especially didn’t wear kneepads! Only a kneebrace, but that was for medical purposes.


That being said, Cena pulled a George Costanza and you can’t hate the man for that.


4. Extreme Recovery




In October 2007, John Cena was stripped of the WWE Championship after he tore his pectoral muscle facing Mr. Kennedy getting RKO’d by Randy Orton. Cena underwent surgery and was scheduled to be out for a year minimum
… Or so we thought. 

Fast-Forward to Royal Rumble 2008. Triple H entered at number 29 and with big name players like Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker and Hardcore Holly already eliminated, The Game was pretty much a lock to win. Until Number 30 surprised everyone!

Now, we at 3MBooth were there for this Rumble. And my reaction could be heard throughout Madison Square Garden. There’s video but it’s too embarrassing to show, so I’ll transcribe it for you.


“Who is it? *Number 30’s Music Plays* O.O YEAH!!! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!! OMG! OMG! OMG! IT’S CENA! IT’S CENA!! IT’S CENA!!! IT’S CENA!!!! HOLY SH*T! HOOOOOLY SH*T! *Feminine Screams*”


If you were at The Royal Rumble 2008 and heard that, I’m sorry. I was a big John Cena supporter back then so I was very excited. So was the rest of Madison Square Garden until they realized that John Cena, the man they all despised, returned just in time to win the Royal Rumble! The cheers turned to boos as Cena won his first Royal Rumble and the opportunity to challenge either the WWE Champion Randy Orton, the World Heavyweight Champion Edge, or  the ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero.


Spoiler Alert: John Cena and Chavo Guerrero put on a clinic at Wrestlemania that ended with Chavo walking out of Wrestlemania STILL ECW Champion!


… Seriously though, Cena wasted his opportunity when he chose No Way Out to challenge Randy Orton instead of Wrestlemania. Cena got a second chance at Mania in a Triple Threat Match with Orton and Triple H, but lost again. Losses aside, Cena’s quick recovery is and surprise return is something that the WWE Universe will never forget.


3. Extreme Bravery



John Cena is no stranger to hostility  Usually, he has a few Cenation supporters cheering him. But in 2006, John Cena walked into Extreme territory when defended his WWE Championship against Rob Van Dam at ECW One Night Stand. RVD was cashing in his Money In The Bank that night and the entire Hammerstein Ballroom, including us in attendance, treated him like the Hometown Hero. Well, everyone but one man decked out in John Cena Gear.

That night, classic Anti-Cena Tropes like “Throw It Back”, and “If Cena Wins We Riot” were born, but despite the vulgar crowd, John Cena was determined to walk out of the Hammerstein Ballroom still WWE Champion. Cena almost did and even SILENCED the ECW Fans, but Thanks to a certain Rated R Superstar, Cena fell short and Rob Van Dam became WWE Champion for the first and only time in his career.


Since 2006, John Cena has been put in this situation two more times in his career. Once in 2011 against CM Punk in Chicago and again in 2012 against The Rock in Miami. All three matches were momentous for many reasons, but the New York, Chicago and Miami crowds played integral roles in these matches respectively. Although Cena came up short each time, you have to respect the guy for not only competing against his opponent, but also an angry mob.


2. Extreme Disrespect



It’s hard to believe that the man who preaches Hustle, Loyalty and Respect was once a Doctor with a degree in Thuganomics! In 2002, John Cena transformed from a prototypical jamoke to Vanilla Ice on a Halloween Themed Episode of Smackown. The character was funny, but had an expiration date.


In 2003, Cena returned from an injury with a new attitude and a degree in Thuganomics. Cena stopped wasting time and focused his Ruthless Aggression on Superstars like Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker. During his feud The Undertaker, John Cena delivered many disrespectful freestyles towards The American Badass, but one of his most memorable Undertaker freestyles was done at a graveyard. Mocking Taker’s Deadman past on hallowed ground but urinating on a Tombstone is taking it to another level! The Undertaker got revenge on John Cena at Vengeance, but years later, he reminded John Cena to never disrespect him again.

1. Extreme Vengeance


Sometimes your opponent just drives you to that point that not only do you want to end his career, you want to end his life. In John Cena’s case, he’s been thrown through a light by Big Show, stabbed by Carlito’s bodyguard Jesus, almost burned alive by JBL, AND almost blown up by Randy Orton! It almost makes you feel sorry for him… Almost. Cena is usually All Smiles and Betty White jokes, but he also has a darkside. Here are a few Superstars that the WWE’s “Poster Boy” to “Postal Boy.”


Michael Tarver


After losing a match to Wade Barrett and forced to join Nexus, Cena tried to destroy the group from within. And who did he start with? Michael Tarver. But this isn’t the first time Cena’s done a number on “The Product.” Remember the time Cena almost killed him?



Courtesy of Gif Wrestlers


After Cena’s brutal assault, Tarver re-emerged months later then quietly vanished from the WWE Universe. And I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want that beating again. 

Speaking of Nexus…

Wade Barrett

Towards the end of 2010, John Cena was determined to eradicate The Nexus once and for all. Cena’s feud with Wade Barrett culminated in a Chairs Match at WWE TLC after Cena won his match against Wade Barrett after he Barrett underneath a table, then DROPPED 23 CHAIRS ON HIM! That’s something you shouldn’t be able to do to a person! It’s been years since the “Falling Chairs” incident, but Wade Barrett has yet to regain the momentum he once had.


Edge

One of John Cena’s biggest rivals was the Rated R Superstar, Edge. These two Superstars have done horrible things to each other for years, but in the Summer of 2006, Cena and Edge’s rivalry got so heated that they took their fight to the streets of Bridgeport. During this brawl, Cena got the upperhand, but took his anger one step further and threw Edge into the Long Island Sound! What if Edge couldn’t swim? What if Edge ate 30 minutes before his match and cramped up? What if Edge had an inner-ear infection? John Cena didn’t know and didn’t care. 


Also, let’s not forget the Super Attitude Adjustments to Batista, Kane and The Great Khali!


John Cena may not be in your Wheelhouse of Extreme, but the Doctor can get aggressive when he needs to. The Ryback, if you’re reading this (And I know you’re not because you’re too busy reading Act Like A Hogan: Think Like A Savage) here are a few suggestions to add to your “Ryback Rules.”

  1. Don’t fight John Cena while standing on a high structure.
  2. Don’t fight John Cena near water.
  3. Don’t be Michael Tarver.
  4. Fight John Cena in Sin City. You’ll probably win.
  5. Don’t piss on graves! It’s just rude.
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