So That Happened: 05/13/13

Dance Off: Chris Jericho vs. Fandango

Jerry Lawler introduces Fandango.

Jerry Lawler introduces Chris Jericho and his dance partner, Edyta Sliwinska.

Jerry Lawler explains the rules of the Dance-Off then tells the WWE Universe to judge purely on talent and not popularity. Lawler talks about Fandango losing a dance off to Khali, but Fandango cuts him off claiming he wasn’t defeated by that clumsy, atrocity of a man. Fandango says the crowd knew nothing about talent then says that the people here in Tulsa might not like him, but they have to respect his performance as an artist.

Jerry Lawler asks Fandango if he feels confident if he’ll beat Chris Jericho tonight. Fandango responds by saying he doesn’t think, he’ll defeat Chris Jericho, he knows he will because as long as there’s a Chris Jericho, there will be a better man and that guy’s name is Fannnnnndaaaaaaaaannnngooooooooo!

Jerry Lawler asks Chris Jericho if he has a response and Jericho responds by saying this may be a dance off but this is still, “Welcome To RAW Is Jericho!” Jericho says he had a lot of impressive victories on RAW but none were more impressive than becoming the first WWE Musical Chairs Champion and outsmarting Bob Barker and becoming the first ever Price Is RAW Champion. Jericho says he’s going to win here in front of “Fandunghole”and everyone else tonight, but at Extreme Rules, Jericho’s going to create a new dance sensation called the “I just kicked your Jackass All Over This Ring.” Jericho tells Fandango that this Sunday, he will dance all over Fandango’s face and he will NEVER EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER be the same! Again!

Fandango’s dance is up first. Fandango has a hard time getting started then cuts the music. Fandango silences the crowd then says he needs silence.

Fandango starts dancing but Summer Rae twists her ankle.

Fandango yells at Summer Rae calling her “Useless.” Edyta walks over and checks on Summer Rae.

Fandango leaves the ring as Chris Jericho checks on Summer Rae. Fandango sneaks up and attacks Jericho then throws him into the ring steps and barricade.

Poor Jericho

Fandango picks up a piece of the parquet flooring then knocks Chris Jericho out with it!

Fandango gets back in the ring then glares at Summer Rae. Summer Rae gets picked up by Fandango and proves that she’s just fine!

Match 01: Ryback vs. Zack Ryder

Winner: Ryback

Match 02: Tons Of Funk vs. The Prime Time Players

Darren Young hits Brodus Clay with a foreign object allowing Titus O’Neil to roll Clay up for the victory.

Winners: The Prime Time Players

It’s revealed that Darren Young attacked Brodus Clay with an afro pick.

World Hevyweight Championship Announcement:

Matt Striker brings out Teddy Long, who is wearing a bright red suit.

Matt Striker asks Teddy Long about the reports that Dolph Ziggler will not be able to compete at Extreme Rules due to injury. Long reveals that the reports are true then says Vickie Guerrero gave him authority to make a decision about the World Heavyweight Championship match at Extreme Rules. Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter interrupt Long and come demand that Dolph Ziggler be stripped of the World Heavyweight Championship and that the title should be given to Jack Swagger.

AJ Lee and Big E. Langston come out and argue Swagger and Colter’s proposal. AJ says Jack Swagger should be fired for hurting Dolph Ziggler and urges Teddy Long to fire Swagger until Long interrupts revealing he’s not going to fire Dolph Ziggler.

Teddy Long says instead of the World Heavyweight Title Match, it will be a Number One Contender’s I Quit Match between Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger at Extreme Rules. Long also reveals that tonight, Big E. Langston will take on either Alberto Del Rio or Jack Swagger and it’s up to the WWE Universe to decide that.

Match 03: Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow

Damien Sandow says contrary to popular demand he will not be singing a song this evening, because Kofi’s song, much like Kofi Kingston’s title reign is foolish. Sandow says his Founding Fathers were men of their words and so was he. Sandow claims Kofi’s reign as U.S. Champion will come to an end then says “You’re Welcome.”

The commentators talk about how Kofi Kingston is into comic books:

Kofi Kingston hits the Trouble In Paradise

Winner: Kofi Kingston

It is announced that Dean Ambrose will face Kofi Kingston for the U.S. Title at Extreme Rules.

Mark Henry’s Hall Of Pain:

Josh Mathews announces that Mark Henry will take on Sheamus at Extreme Rules in a Strap Match, then shows the footage of Henry whipping Sheamus last week. Mark Henry tells Josh Mathews that if he thought whoopin’ was something, just wait till Extreme Rules. Henry says if Sheamus doesn’t think he’s gonna drag him around the ring, take a look at the footage from last week. Henry showed footage of him from Smackdown pulling the two Tractor Trailers.

Josh Mathews asks Mark Henry to explain how he’ll defeat Sheamus in the strap match. Henry decides instead of telling Josh Mathews how, he’s gonna show Josh Mathews. Henry forces Mathews to put the leather strap on.

Mark Henry pushes Josh Mathews down explains the rules of a Strap Match while dragging Josh Mathews around. Mark Henry lets Josh Mathews goes and Mathews runs for his life.

Mark Henry calls Mathews a rat then calls Sheamus out to the ring so he can finish what he started last week. Henry continues to taunt Sheamus until he finally comes out.

Sheamus tells Mark Henry that he’s the Strongest Man In The World, but he’s obviously not the brightest. Sheamus says Mark Henry’s attack last week won’t stop him from competing at Extreme Rules. Henry tells Sheamus that he’s doing enough talking and not enough walking then encourages him to come down to the ring again. After some more goading, Sheamus walks down to the ring but stops and remembers he has a present for Mark Henry. Sheamus pulls a strap from underneath the ring then slides in the ring. Henry and Sheamus start whipping each other!

Sheamus gets the upperhand then whips Mark Henry out of the ring.

Match 04: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro

WWE plugs the app by using a Big Show interview:

Antonio Cesaro tries to win with a roll up. Randy Orton RKOs the crap out of him

Winner: Randy Orton

Match 05: Heath Slater vs. The Miz

(Not THIS 3MB. We don’t have a porn parody….yet.)

Winner: The Miz

It’s announced that The Miz will face Cody Rhodes on the Extreme Rules Pre-Show.

Match 06: Elimination Match: John Cena and Team Hell No vs. The Shield

Kane attacks The Shield outside of the ring.

Kane gets disqualified for being too aggressive. Kane has been eliminated.

Seth Rollins hits a Flying Knee on Daniel Bryan.

Seth Rollins only gets a 2 count!

Daniel Bryan tries to put Seth Rollins in the “NO” lock but Dean Ambrose tags himself in. Seth Rollins kicks Bryan in the head allowing Ambrose to hit his finisher on Bryan and pin him. Daniel Bryan has been eliminated.

The Shield attacks John Cena, but Cena fights it off then hits the AA on Seth Rollins.

Seth Rollins has been eliminated.

John Cena almost hits the AA on Dean Ambrose but Roman Reigns pushes the ref then spears John Cena.

Roman Reigns has been eliminated.

John Cena locks the STF in on Dean Ambrose. The Shield jump in.

Winner: John Cena (Via DQ)

The Shield continues to jump John Cena.

Ryback’s music plays and he comes out to the ring.

Ryback walks out.

Ryback grabs a chair then walks back in the ring. Ryback hits Cena in the ankle with the chair.

Backstage: Matt Striker tries to ask Ryback about his actions, but Ryback cuts him off. Ryback says for the past year, he tired doing the right thing and playing by the rules, but it got him nowhere. Ryback says this Sunday at Extreme Rules, everyone, including John Cena is gonna know “Ryback Rules.”

Match 07: Big E. Langston vs. Jack Swagger

Jack Swagger wins the RAWActive Poll:

Jack Swagger locks the Patriot Act on Big E. Langston, but Langston reaches for the ropes.

Big E. Langston tries to throw Jack Swagger through the barricade, but Swagger ducks then gets back into the ring. Winner: Jack Swagger (Via countout) Post-Match, Alberto Del Rio runs down to the ring and attacks Jack Swagger. Swagger knocks Del Rio down then RicRod attacks Jack Swagger with a bucket.

Jack Swagger kicks RicRod in the head then gets caught in the Cross Armbreaker by Alberto Del Rio. Big E. Langston breaks up the pin then attacks Jack Swagger. Del Rio hits an enzuigiri on Langston then knocks Jack Swagger out of the ring.

Match 08: AJ Lee vs. Natalya (With The Bella Twins and Kaitlyn on commentary)

The commentators talk about Kaitlyn’s admirer. Kaitlyn gets a Simpsons Trivia gift.

AJ Lee gets knocked out. Natalya tries picking up her up.

AJ Lee reveals she’s playing possum then locks Natalya in the Octopus Stretch!

Winner: AJ Lee

Backstage: Matt Striker asks Chris Jericho if he feels foolish for what happened between Chris Jericho and Fandango. Chris Jericho says he’s been trying to play by other people’s rules and other people’s games but that’s going to change now. Jericho says he knows who Fandango is, but he’s gonna tell Fandango who he is. Jericho is a 6 time World Champion who has done it all, seen it all and beaten them all in the WWE. Jericho tells Fandango that this Sunday at Extreme Rules, if Fandango wants to dance, he’s gonna teach him how to dance “Chris Jericho Style.”

Triple H and Brock Lesnar Face-Off:

The cage lowers:

Triple H says he and Brock Lesnar have been fighting for a year now and nothing’s been settled until Sunday, it gets settled. Triple H says this ring is his home and he grew up here. Triple H recalls a quote from a man who once told him,“To truly be the best, you have to learn how to hate.” Triple H claimed he knew how to hate but he never felt more at home until he felt surrounded by steel. Triple H calls Brock Lesnar out to the ring.

Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar come down to the ring. Paul Heyman is about to introduce himself but gets cut off. Triple H wants Lesnar to come down to the ring now.

Paul Heyman tells Triple H that he and Brock Lesnar are about the little, perverse pleasures in life like the fact that Triple H has been driven to use the word “Hate,” a word that is taboo in the WWE. Heyman mocks Triple H for “hating” Brock Lesnar and says this Sunday, Brock Lesnar is going to teach Triple H the true meaning of the word “Hate.” Paul Heyman that Triple H is going to “hate” facing his Family, Father-In-Law and the fact that one man will emerge this war as the winner and one man will have to face the fact that he’ll go down in history as the “Loser.” Heyman claims Triple H will go down as the loser and knows how much Triple H is going to hate that.

Paul Heyman says that Brock Lesnar is here and is ready for a fight, but we’re gonna have to wait till Sunday Night because his client doesn’t fight for free. Lesnar walks off but Triple H stops the music. Triple H wonders why Brock Lesnar won’t face him like a man then realizes that it’s got nothing to do with Brock Lesnar, but it’s the fact that Paul Heyman can’t afford Lesnar to do that.

Triple H reminds us all about him knocking out Brock Lesnar and beating him at Wrestlemania. Triple H says Paul Heyman knows if Brock Lesnar steps into this cage again and Triple H kicks his ass one more time, that’s not going to do well for his business. Triple H says if he beats Brock Lesnar Sunday, then the sound you hear won’t be the roar of the crowd, it will be Brock Lesnar’s mystique flying out the window.

Triple H says that he can look at Brock and believe that he’s the baddest man standing in this room, but the truth is Paul Heyman doesn’t think that’s true. Triple H says he’s no longer talking to Paul Heyman, he’s talking to Brock. Triple H asks Brock if he’s going to fight like Brock Lesnar: The Beast? Or is he going to stand at the top of the ramp and be Brock Lesnar: The Bitch. Brock Lesnar starts to walk down the ring towards the cage.

Brock Lesnar gets in the cage.

Brock Lesnar and Triple H start brawling.

Triple H throws Brock Lesnar out of the cage door knocking Paul Heyman down in the process.

Triple H gets on top of the cage and taunts Brock Lesnar.

So That Happened:

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