So That Happened: 04/01/13

Gif courtesty of NeoGohann

Check out our Simpsons Tribute/April Fools Joke….after reading our RAW Recap of course!

RAW kicks off with John Cena, who comes out to more boos than usual.


John Cena says he stands in the middle of a house divided, ironically enough in Washington D.C., the home of the Democrats and Republicans, but tonight is full of Cena-crats and Rock-publicans, with all eyes focused on Wrestlemania.

John Cena says he doesn’t like Dwayne Johnson but he respects The Rock because of the global Superstar that he is and that he’s the WWE Champion. John Cena talks about his rivalry from with The Rock last year, then says the childish games are over. Cena says The Rock is the WWE Champion and has done everything he’s set out to do. Cena says tonight he will not waste time talking about “Dwayne’s Johnson.”

John Cena says this Sunday at Wrestlemania he’s facing The Rock, who he believes is the greatest WWE Champion of all time. Cena claims that victory might be impossible, but then mentions his triumphs at the Royal Rumble and against CM Punk. Cena says The Rock is The Great One but The Great One will fall, and that The Rock’s time is up and Cena’s time is now.

John Cena gets silenced by a loud “Cena Sucks” chant, then says this Sunday, the WWE Universe may get a moment that they never thought possible in their lifetime. Cena brings up The Rock mentioning he’s accepted failure before, but claims The Rock’s failure won’t just stay in the locker room at Metlife Stadium. Cena vents about having to deal with his loss to The Rock for a year, saying he had to sit back watch The Rock usher in a new era and championship. Cena claims The Rock stuck his own foot in his mouth by saying he will hold the WWE Championship for as long as he pleases.

John Cena says that he will get redemption and that when The Rock defends his new WWE Championship for the first time, he will lose it. Cena says The People’s Era will remain and the WWE Universe will remain, but The Mighty Rock will experience failure. Cena claims The Rock will have to live with the fact that the WWE Championship created by him, will be defended by John Cena. Cena gets silenced by a loud “Boring” chant.

John Cena says he has no intentions of replacing the new WWE Championship because he wants to hold it as a symbol that proves that not only is he The Rock’s equal, but he is better than The Rock. Cena says this Sunday is Wrestlemania and he will shock the world. Cena says that this Sunday, The Rock will know the WWE Championship is made for him, but The Champ Is Here!

Match 01: 3MB vs. Big White Vipers

Winners: Big White Vipers

Post-Match, The Shield comes out.

Dean Ambrose congratulates to Big White Vipers, then says this Sunday, The Shield isn’t going to leave them with anything to celebrate. Seth Rollins congratulates BWV, then calls them out on pretending to be on the same page. Rollins says justice never lies and that The Shield knows the truth.

Roman Reigns says and the truth is, they’re not a team. Reigns calls their team phony and says when they beat BWV at Wrestlemania, the whole world will Believe In The Shield.

Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter outside the White House: 

 Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter rant about America being broken and how Jack Swagger knows how to fix it.

Backstage: Matt Striker asks Alberto Del Rio about Jack Swagger’s comments. Del Rio says America is the land of opportunity and one of the great rights America has is Freedom Of Speech. Del Rio says Swagger can say what he wants, but if he doesn’t like what Swagger says, he has the opportunity to do something about it at Wrestlemania. Del Rio says he doesn’t know why Zeb Colter AKA Jumanji Guy is challenging him, but he calls Colter a big fat piñata with a mustache, that he’s going to break tonight.

Match 02: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

Daniel Bryan locks in the Tarantula:

Dolph Ziggler puts Daniel Bryan in the sleeper, but Bryan counters.

Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan collide with a double cross body.

AJ Lee skips around Kane long enough for Big E. Langston to attack him!

Dolph Ziggler rolls up Daniel Bryan for the win.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Post-match, Big E. Langston takes out Daniel Bryan. Kane tries to chokeslam Big E, but he fights his way out then takes Kane out!

Shawn Michaels Speaks:

Shawn Michaels says you couldn’t have Wrestlemania without Mr. Wrestlemania. HBK runs down the Wrestlemania card, then says there is one match that he’s particularly interested in: Brock Lesnar vs. his best friend, Triple H. HBK talks about the history between Triple H and Brock Lesnar, including his broken arm, but once Triple H put his career on the line, HBK felt like he had some very serious concern, doubts and questions. HBK is interrupted by Triple H’s music.

Triple H tells Shawn Michaels that he knows what he’s doing and that it’s the same situation HBK was in. HBK disagrees and says that in his career threatening match, he faced The Undertaker, someone who he has the utmost respect for and vice versa. HBK says he was heartbroken when his career was ended, but The Undertaker felt the same way. When it comes to Brock Lesnar, HBK says Brock Lesnar respects no one and Triple H sure as hell doesn’t respect Lesnar.

Shawn Michaels says Brock Lesnar is in the WWE to make money and wreak havoc. HBK talks about how much the WWE means to Triple H and how it’s become his life and at Wrestlemania, Triple H didn’t put his career on the line. He put his life on the line. Triple H tells Shawn Michaels he loves him like a brother, but he can’t talk him out of the match. HBK says he’s not here for that. He’s here to tell Triple H that he’d better kick Brock Lesnar’s ass. And unlike Summerslam, HBK will be in his corner.

Triple H and Shawn Michaels hug then almost say the DX catchphrase but they’re interrupted by Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman.

Paul Heyman says Brock Lesnar has “Two Words” for them, but it’s not the two words Shawn Michaels and Triple H are looking for. Heyman says Brock Lesnar is going to beat Triple H into retirement at Wrestlemania and as disappointing as that is for Triple H and the WWE Universe, they are going to have to live with that disappointment. Paul Heyman says Triple H will disappoint Mr. McMahon, the Board Of Directors, Shawn Michaels and his wife, Stephanie McMahon but he’s probably used to that already.

Triple H is prepared to fight but Paul Heyman says Brock Lesnar gets paid to fight, like this Sunday at Wrestlemania. Heyman asks Shawn Michaels if he wants to be this close to when Brock Lesnar beats Triple H down and possibly breaks his arm again. HBK takes his shirt off and Paul Heyman claims HBK and Triple H fight from emotion, which is why Shawn Michaels ahad to retire at Wrestlemania and why Triple H will have to retire at Wrestlemania.

Paul Heyman says Triple H should’ve walked away when he had the chance. Now, Triple H is going to crawl away with his tail tucked between his legs, a beaten, battered, emasculated retiree that has disappointed the entire WWE Universe because he wasn’t man enough to beat Brock Lesnar, the very same Brock Lesnar who has forced Triple H to commit “Professional Suicide.” Brock Lesnar’s theme music plays as Lesnar and Heyman walk away. Triple H does a crotch chop for good measure.

Match 03: Wade Barrett vs. Zack Ryder

It’s announced that The Miz vs. Wade Barrett will now be on the Wrestlemania Pre-Show.

Winner: Wade Barrett


Backstage: Brad “Heartthrob Assistant” Maddox and Vickie Guerrero talk until they’re interrupted by Santino Marella. Santino tells Vickie that he saw Mr. McMahon and that he was very angry and yelling about the “Brickie” Administration. Santino teases Vickie Guerrero getting fired, then leaves. Santino comes back and says it was an April Fools. Santino makes a joke about Brad Maddox messing himself, but Vickie Guerrero punishes Santino by giving him a match tonight. HTA says we’ll see who the biggest fool of them all is then tells Santino that it’s him.

Match 04: Santino Marella vs. Mark Henry

Winner: Mark Henry

Ryback’s music plays and he comes down to the ring. Mark Henry tells Ryback that he knows he’s mad that he didn’t break Henry’s benchpress record, but it gives Ryback no right to try and threaten him. Henry brings up the “No Contact Clause” then says nobody wants to gets his hands on Ryback like he does. Henry says the only thing that’s gonna happen tonight is his smile.

Ryback picks up Santino Marella and hits Mark Henry with him. Ryback chucks Santino onto Mark Henry, calls him “STUPID!” then leads a “FEED ME MORE” chant.

Backstage: Matt Striker asks CM Punk if he feels like he’s disrespecting the memory of Paul Bearer. Punk thinks the better question is does he give a damn if he’s disrespecting the memory of Paul Bearer. Punk says he’s trying to get in The Undertaker’s head because he wants to win and that the only career or legacy he cares about is his own. Punk says is going to beat The Undertaker’s streak, especially since The Undertaker is more concerned with Paul Bearer. Punk claims the stark difference between himself and any other opponent for The Undertaker, that he will do whatever he takes to win. Punk teases a DQ, Tap Out or Countout victory then says he do whatever it takes to beat The Undertaker at Wrestlemania, including walking on graves and spitting on faces. Punk promises that after this year’s Wrestlemania, everytime someone thinks about Wrestlemania, they’re going to think about CM Punk.


Match 05: Alberto Del Rio vs. Zeb Colter

Jack Swagger tries to attack RicRod, but Alberto Del Rio stops him. Zeb Colter hits Alberto Del Rio with a crutch.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio via DQ

Alberto Del Rio grabs the crutch, but Jack Swagger attacks Del Rio from behind. Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter beat Alberto Del Rio down with the crutches.

The Rock Speaks:

The Rock says the connection between The Rock and the People is the only reason why he’s standing in this ring. Rock tells John Cena that this Sunday isn’t about redemption, it’s and wil always be about the will of the people. The Rock says this Sunday, the will of the people is for The Rock to take his size 15 boot and curb stop John Cena’s monkey ass all over Wrestlemania.

The Rock says the will of the people is bigger than John Cena could ever imagine and if the people will it, they can change the world. The Rock starts to tease the idea of him becoming President and going from President Barack to President The Rock.

The Rock reminds John Cena of his loss at Wrestlemania and the Rock Bottom last week and says this Sunday, John Cena’s Time Isn’t Now. His Time Is Never. The Rock says Wrestlemania is not about redemption or passing the torch. Rock claims the only way John Cena will get the WWE Championship is if The Rock lights it on fire and throws a fireball up John Cena’s Candy Ass.

The Rock says this Sunday, John Cena is not just facing The Rock or 80,000 strong. He’s facing a connection. A connection between The Rock and The Millions (AND MILLIONS) The Rock says John Cena can’t deny the will of the people or beat The Rock.

The Rock ends the promo with a passionate “IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN.” During his catchphrase, he does a Jim Halpert look to the camera.

Match 06: Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro

Fandango interrupts Chris Jericho

Fandango starts holding up score cards.

Chris Jericho dropkicks Fandango as he holds up a scorecard.

Winner: Chris Jericho

Post-Match, Fandango attacks Chris Jericho as loud “You Can’t Wrestle” chants break out.

Fandango hits the Top Rope Legdrop on Chris Jericho.

Fandango takes the mic and says, “IT’S FAN. DAN. GO” then leaves.

Match 07: The Bella Twins vs. The Funkadactyls

Winners: The Bella Twins

The Undertaker Verbally Eviscerates CM Punk:

The Undertaker says CM Punk’s historic title reign lasted over 400 days, but the pain waiting on Punk at Wrestlemania, will last an eternity. Taker reminds Punk that Punk was the one who decided to make this personal and for that, he will suffer. Taker says defeating CM Punk at Wrestlemania is no longer good enough and that the disrespect CM Punk showed Paul Bearer will cause Punk to pay “The Ultimate Price.” Taker says CM Punk may be right because in his current state of mind, the streak may come to an end on Sunday. But if that happens, CM Punk will never live to talk about it.

Ominous Undertaker Music plays as The Druids come out with torches.

Paul Bearer’s trademark “OH YES” is heard as Paul Heyman stands up the ramp holding the urn mocking Paul Bearer. The Undertaker storms towards the fake Paul Bearer. The Undertaker almost attacks Heyman, but turns his attention to the Druids.

The Undertaker attacks The Druids but gets attacked by CM Punk then beat down with the urn.

CM Punk opens the urn then dumps the ashes of on top of The Undertaker!

CM Punk mocks The Undertaker by doing holding up the urn and doing his taunt.

So That Happened:

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