So That Happened (02/25/13)

Mr. McMahon makes his way to the ring and says that he likes to do things in a big way. McMahon says since it’s the Road To Wrestlemania, he wants to start off RAW each and every week in a big way, and what a better way to start RAW off than a fight. Mr. McMahon plays up his injury then brings out “The Ultimate Fighter” Paul Heyman.

“The Ultimate Fighter” Paul Heyman makes his way to the ring and says tonight we’ll see a One Legged Man In An Ass Kicking Contest. Heyman says he’s waited his entire life for this fight then trashes Mr. McMahon’s odds to win and the Dallas Cowboys. Heyman mocks Mr. McMahon’s accomplishments then pretends to give McMahon a chance to back out of the fight. Heyman decides to cheapshot McMahon by taking out his leg! Paul Heyman takes the crutch and hits Mr. McMahon in the back.

Mr. McMahon grabs the crutch from Paul Heyman then attacks Heyman with it.

Mr. McMahon gets the upperhand until Brock Lesnar’s music hits!

Brock Lesnar makes his way down to the ring and stares down Mr. McMahon until Triple H’s music hits!

Triple H slowly makes his way down to the ring then starts brawling with Brock Lesnar! Triple H busts Brock Lesnar open.

Brock Lesnar drops Triple H on the announce table.

Brock Lesnar tries to take Triple H out with a chair, but Triple H takes him down with a Spinebuster. Triple H hits Brock Lesnar with a chair causing Lesnar to escape the ring

Match 01: Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback

Winner: Ryback

CM Punk Speaks:

CM Punk says tonight on television the world will witness history and those in attendance will talk to their grandchildren about this. Punk says tonight we will witness the end and the beginning. Punk says tonight is not about a match between John Cena and CM Punk and is not about John Cena, The Rock, the people, Wrestlemania and the WWE Championship. Tonight is about the one thing that’s more important than all of that and it’s CM Punk.

CM Punk says tonight is about him taking his place in the Main Event of Wrestlemania. Punk says he’s held the WWE Championship longer than anyone in decades and has defeated John Cena and pinned The Rock. CM Punk talks about how great he is, calling himself immortal, a legend, and an icon. Punk says that in this world we live in, he is God. Punk drops the mic, screams that he’s God then walks out.

The newest member of the WWE Hall Of Fame is…

Match 02: Mark Henry vs. The Great Khali

Winner: Mark Henry

Fandangoo Promo:

MizTV w/ Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger

The Miz cuts to the chase and introduces Jack Swagger, Zeb Colter, RicRod and Alberto Del Rio. Miz says Swagger and Colter have had controversy all week and it’s clear that they have a problem with Alberto Del Rio. Miz is going to give them the opportunity to talk to Del Rio face to face. Colter mentions he was looking forward to talking to Glenn Beck, but since he chickened out he’ll talk to Alberto Del Rio.

Zeb Colter introduces himself and Jack Swagger to Alberto Del Rio and says that they’re REAL Americans. Colter says there are 11 million “undocumented workers” AKA “Illegals” living in the United States. Colter begins to rant about Real Americans having a tough time finding jobs while the “Undocumented Workers” steal all the jobs from hard workers. Alberto Del Rio and Zeb Colter almost get into it but The Miz cuts them off.

The Miz asks Alberto Del Rio how hard is it to achieve citizenship in Mexico. Alberto Del Rio is about to speak but Zeb Colter cuts him off. The Miz cuts Zeb Colter off and calls him “Zebby.” Del Rio tells Miz that Colter can continue speaking.

Zeb Colter says it takes 10 years to become a citizen in Mexico and that a foreigner can’t own property in Mexico. Alberto Del Rio agrees, then Colter asks Del Rio what’s wrong with his people. Del Rio gets heated, but Colter tells him when he talks, Del Rio listens.

Zeb Colter tells Alberto Del Rio and “Sling Blade” to calm down so he can continue talking. Colter says that his issue with Del Rio is not personal, but he doesn’t like what Del Rio represents. Colter says Del Rio represents success and the American Dream and he encoraged millions of illegal people to sneak across and achieve the American Dream. Colter claims there’s only one Alberto Del Rio success story and that when the “illegals” fail, they stay in America instead of going home. Colter calls those people “criminals.”

Alberto Del Rio says Zeb Colter’s time for talking is over and it’s time for him to shut up. He says it in Spanish too! Del Rio says America belongs to everyone and that it’s the greatest country on Earth. Del Rio says he’s no different than anyone else and that Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter descend from immigrants. Del Rio says America is the land of opportunity and that if you work hard in America, like Kevin Garnett, everything is possible. Del Rio calls Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter out on bullying people and hiding behind the constitution, so if they have a problem and have the cojones, they should do something to make Del Rio and RicRod leave right now.

Jack Swagger takes the mic and says that they will see Alberto Del Rio and RicRod at Wrestlemania. Swagger follows up with “WE THE PEOPLE!” then leaves.

WWEActive: Zeb Colter calls out The Miz on being a biased journalist. Jack Swagger cheapshots The Miz then screams “WE THE PEOPLE!”

Match 03: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro

Randy Orton hits a mid-air RKO on Antonio Cesaro.

Winner: Randy Orton

Winner: Randy Orton

Backstage: Daniel Bryan and Kane are watching the monitor. Bryan compliments Randy Orton, but Kane ignores him. Bryan tells Kane to let bygones be bygones. Kane says they need to be focused because they have The Prime Time Players tonight. Bryan tells Kane to let him handle this then brags that he can beat PTP blindfolded. Kane counters by saying he can beat the PTP with one hand tied behind his back. Vickie Guerrero and Brad “Heartthrob Assistant Managing Supervisor” Maddox makes Daniel Bryan wrestle with blindfolded while Kane with one arm tied behind his back.

Sheamus’ Oscar Snubs:

Sheamus talks about how he’s an avid movie lover so he watched the Oscars drunk in his hotel room. Sheamus says he has a problem with Hollywood because the Oscars overlooked Wade Barrett.

Sheamus keeps mocking Wade Barrett and his movie, Dead Man Down, until Barrett interrupts him. Barrett says that the Irish love the color green and it’s obvious that Sheamus is green with envy. Barrett says Sheamus is jealous that Wade Barrett is going to be a real movie star. Barrett says he’s going to be at the world premiere tomorrow, while Sheamus returns his rented tux and drowns his sorrows in a sleazy Irish pub.

Sheamus agrees with him then tells Wade Barrett that he hopes the paparazzi gets his good side, then makes fun of his looks, saying he doesn’t have a good side.

Wade Barrett tries to attack Sheamus but Sheamus ducks. Sheamus tries to Brogue Kick Wade Barrett, but Barrett leaves saying he needs to protect his face.

Match 04: Cody Rhodes vs. R-Truth (with Damien Sandow on commentary)

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler keep trolling Damien Sandow while on commentary.

Damien Sandow attacks R-Truth from behind.

Winner: R-Truth (via DQ) 

Post-Match, somehow R-Truth clears the ring of both Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes.

Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger video on Jobs:

Match 05: Daniel Bryan and Kane vs. The Prime Time Players

Note: Daniel Bryan is blindfolded and Kane has one hand tied behind his back.

Winner: Daniel Bryan and Kane

The Shield Speaks:

Dean Ambrose says it gets worse until it gets better and things are about to get a lot worse. Ambrose says that The Shield makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but they’re about to shatter the WWE’s comfort zone. Ambrose tells the WWE can create an army to try and stop them, but they still won’t be able to stop them from doing what they came to do. Roman Reigns takes the mic then says The Shield will win against the army every single time and if you don’t believe in The Shield, they will grind your bones into dust every single time.

Seth Rollins says The Shield defeated Team Hell No and Ryback then solved The John Cena Problem by defeating the Superhero Squad of Ryback, Sheamus and John Cena, then beat down Chris Jericho. Rollins challenges anyone to take out The Shield but is interrupted by Sheamus comes out.

Sheamus distracts The Shield long enough for Randy Orton to hit the RKO on Seth Rollins causing Seth to fall in Family Guy position.

Randy Orton runs out of the ring and into the crowd as the crowd cheers and The Shield gets pissed.

Match 06: The Miz vs. Jack Swagger

The Miz gets caught in the ropes.

Winner: Jack Swagger

A Tout Of The Undertaker:

Backstage: Josh Mathews interviews John Cena. Cena hypes his match with CM Punk tonight and mentions that Punk thinks Cena can’t win the big one and that he doesn’t deserve to go to Wrestlemania. Cena says he asked for this match tonight to prove that CM Punk is wrong and to prove to the world that John Cena is back.

Match 07: John Cena vs. CM Punk (Winner faces The Rock at Wrestlemania)

CM Punk counters John Cena’s Five Moves Of Doom!

CM Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice on John Cena! John Cena catchess CM Punk in the STF.

CM Punk reverses the STF into the Anaconda Vice!

John Cena reverses the Anaconda Vice into the Crossface!

John Cena breaks out of it, then gets into a Boo-Yay-Off. Punk counters the Five Knuckle Shuffle with a kick to the head.

CM Punk hits the Shining Wizard but gets caught with the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena goes for the AA but CM Punk counters and goes for the GTS! Cena counters that with a Power Bomb!

John Cena tries to go for the Flying Legdrop but gets stopped by CM Punk. Punk goes for a Superplex but Cena knocks him off the ropes. Cena hits the flying legdrop!

John Cena goes for the pin but only gets a 2 and a ½ count!

CM Punk hits the Shining Wizard again but John Cena hits him with the AA! CM Punk kicks out!

CM Punk tosses John Cena into the ringpost.

The referee counts to 9 but John Cena makes it in at a 9 count!

CM Punk hits the GTS on John Cena. Cena kicks out but Punk tries again and John Cena reverses the GTS with the STF!

CM Punk reaches the ropes!

CM Punk hits the PILEDRIVER! on John Cena!

Mr. McMahon’s reaction to the Piledriver:

John Cena hits the Cena-Canrana on CM Punk!

John Cena follows up with an Attitude Adjustment!

Winner: John Cena

So That Happened:

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