RAW begins with CM Punk!
Does Punk get a new shirt every week now? #RAW
— S[Ta]cey (@LittleSherbie) October 1, 2013
The middle rope is pink again in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month:
Either it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month or the ring crew got high on Good ‘n’ Plenties. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
After a loud CM Punk chant, CM Punk says a lot of people think that RAW thrives on unpredictability and he’s as predictable as it comes. Punk says sometimes predictability is okay and uses the examples of Paul Heyman bragging, him attacking Paul Heyman and him getting beaten down by Curtis Axel and Ryback.
CM Punk is basically narrating his own role in a horror movie. “You know it’s predictable that I’m going to get stabbed by Jason…”
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
CM Punk says he’s okay with predictability because he knows how this story ends. It ends when he gets a hold of Curtis Axel and makes him go to sleep. It ends when he gets his hands on Ryback and shows him what truly happens to bullies. And it ends when he finally gets his hands on Paul Heyman, and Heyman realizes there is no one left to save him. CM Punk is cut off by a small “Ryback Sucks” chant, but encourages the crowd to continue the chant.
CM Punk encouraging crowd participation with the “Ryback Sucks” chant.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
CM Punk the story ends when he puts an end to Paul Heyman and that could be this Sunday at Battleground, or next week on RAW or right here, now and live on the USA Network.
Sorry, Punk. The only thing that ended on the USA Network was the hopes and dreams of Happy Endings: Season 04 on USA. #NeverForget
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
CM Punk doesn’t seem to realize this is actually the NeverEnding Story and Heyman’s scooter is really Falcor. #RAW
— Drop ToeHold (@Drop_ToeHold) October 1, 2013
CM Punk says he’s been in a fighting mood for months and he’s not leaving the ring until he gets a fight. CM Punk doesn’t care if he fights Paul Heyman, Curtis Axel or Ryback, all Punk wants is a fight and he promises to put Paul Heyman out of his misery. Suddenly, Brad Maddox comes out trying to calm CM Punk down.
Brad #HeartthrobGM Maddox coming straight out of the Express Men’s Catalog.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Maddox skinned a dozen Smurfs for those pants.
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
The possibilities of a Brad Maddox wardrobe coloring book would be endless. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
CM Punk mocks Brad Maddox for not having theme music.
“You don’t even have music?!” perfect
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) October 1, 2013
No music is better than Stephanie McMahon’s music. Keep doing what you’re doing, Brad. #RAW
— S[Ta]cey (@LittleSherbie) October 1, 2013
Brad Maddox tells CM Punk that he understands that he was embarrassed last week and wants an ultimate showdown right now with Ryback, but that’s just not what’s best for business. Maddox reminds CM Punk that he has a match with Ryback at Battleground, but since he is the RAW GM, he has the power to give CM Punk a match tonight if he’d like one, but not against Ryback.
Brad Maddox is that kid who got to feed the fish ONCE in elementary school and simply can’t stop lording it over you. #RAW
— Drop ToeHold (@Drop_ToeHold) October 1, 2013
Sorry, my eyes were burning after seeing what Maddox is wearing. #raw
— Kara (@karaadora) October 1, 2013
CM Punk tells Brad Maddox that he’s looking for an outlet for his aggression. Before he can finish, Big E. Langston comes down to the ring.
Hey look. It’s Dolph Ziggler’s heavy……..#Raw
— H П N K (@Jayfuz) October 1, 2013
Big E’s entrance isn’t the same without AJ by his side skipping circles round him.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) October 1, 2013
I see Big E has traded his cheeky briefs for boylegs. #RAW
— S[Ta]cey (@LittleSherbie) October 1, 2013
“Shorts ain’t enough man, I GOT THIGHS” – Big E Langston’s new theme.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
Big E. Langston tells CM Punk if he wants aggression, he’s his man. Big E. attacks CM Punk.
Only in wrestling would you see a Brony the size of a barge confront a GI Joe fan. #RAW
— Drop ToeHold (@Drop_ToeHold) October 1, 2013
Match 01: Big E. Langston vs. CM Punk
Big E. Langston, Save the Ultimate Warrior Tribute Splashes for the Main Event! You’re Fighting CM Punk! on #RAW!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
CM Punk throwin dem bo’s up from the top rope.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) October 1, 2013
CM Punk hits the GTS on Big E. Langston.
Damn! Someone’s Been Hitting the Gym, Huh, Punk!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Winner: CM Punk
Wow. Big E. lost in SEQUENCE!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Thoroughly enjoyed that match.
— George E. Boy (@NotGeorgieBoy) October 1, 2013
Match 02: Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston
Fandango: Rising above cancer, bad dancing and people who can’t pronounce his name correctly.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
….Fandango’s hips are CLEARLY lying to us.
— GOLDLUST (@Osito1034) October 1, 2013
“S.O.S! Rise above Cancer! S.O.S! Time to fight this dancerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” – Kofi Kingston’s Rise Above Cancer theme.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Kofi with his tropical starburst gear…
— GOLDLUST (@Osito1034) October 1, 2013
Kofi looks like a Rockstar Energy Drink can
— Charles Cress (@CharlesCress) October 1, 2013
Kofi’s Making That Reverse S.O.S. DDT Work For Him. Oddly, It Would Be Called the … S.O.S.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Kofi Kingston beats Fandango in a match to determine whose tights look more like a Windows Media Player preset. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
Post-Match, The Wyatt Family comes out.
Oh no! It’s the Wyatt Family! Kofi, you’ve seen enough horror movies to know what happens to guys like you. RUN!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Bray Wyatt talks about how he spent the majority of his life trying to understand why horrible things happen to him and when this nightmare was going to end, but it never did. Wyatt says now he understands what he must do and one by one, they will all fall down. Follow The Buzzards.
Kofi, Way to Stand Your Ground. You Know What’s Better Though? RUNNING!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Backstage: Brie Bella is talking to Nikki Bella about her title shot tonight. Brie says she’s been waiting for this, but Nikki corrects her and says they’ve been waiting. The Bella Twins are interrupted by Randy Orton in his Rise Above Cancer shirt. Randy Orton congratulates Brie Bella on her engagement to Daniel Bryan then asks about the wedding.
Orton: “So I heard you and Daniel were K I S S I N G while sitting in a tree…”
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
After Orton doesn’t get a response, he advises Brie Bella to have the wedding much sooner than later because after Sunday, Daniel Bryan won’t be able to walk down the altar.
Even in his Pink Shirt, Randy Orton’s still a Jerk.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Daniel Bryan won’t be walking down the altar, Randy Orton. He’ll be “YESsing” down the altar!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Backstage: Renee Young asks Paul Heyman about CM Punk’s comments earlier. Heyman says it must be difficult for Renee and everyone else to watch a man like CM Punk, who had such promise, descend into madness. Heyman says Punk is so obsessed with getting his hands on him and it’s something he will never be able to do again. Heyman claims CM Punk will never be able to bully him again because CM Punk is a nobody who became a Paul Heyman guy, who became a WWE Champion that forgot what made them the Best In The World.
Paul Heyman’s hair looks like it’s hanging on for dear life. #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) October 1, 2013
Renee Young asks Paul Heyman about another trap since she noices Curtis Axel and Ryback hiding off camera. Heyman tells Renee Young that his mere existence is a trap for CM Punk and that he has a huge night planned for RAW tonight. Heyman says if CM Punk wants to do something about it, let hm find the manhood to make a move and try to do something about it..
It must take Paul Heyman the entire night to read aloud to his children before bed. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
Match 03: 3MB vs. Los Matadores
OLE OLE OLE
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) October 1, 2013
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Los Matadores Gifs courtesy of wrestling-giffer |
Oh My God…
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
THIS JUST BECAME MY FAVORITE THING IN WRESTLING HISTORY #Raw
— Chris Sims (@theisb) October 1, 2013
THEY HAVE A BULL. Holy Poop. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) October 1, 2013
I’m Clapping and I Don’t Know Why. #LosMatadores
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
The little bull’s got better moves than Sin Cara.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
LOVE. THIS.
— GOLDLUST (@Osito1034) October 1, 2013
what in the blue hell is going on on my tv right now….. #RAW is that a midget mantaur?
— The Mer™ (@mare_bare) October 1, 2013
“….My 15 minutes of fame are over.” – Hornswoggle
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Between Los Matadores and Santino’s Snake Charming Thing on Smackdown, The WWE is Turning into CHIKARA … for the Better.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Why are Los Matadores wrestling like Epico & Primo? Get your own moves guys #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) October 1, 2013
“Diago” #ughwhitemen #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) October 1, 2013
“Here comes Di-ago.” – Michael Cole. His name’s Diego, you honky!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Winners: Los Matadores
OLE!!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
The bull is the son of The Giant Gonzales and Mantaur…and I’m okay with it.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Looks like Minitaur is hopped up on too much Red…..Bull. I’ll show myself out. #RAW
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
Also, For Everyone Taking Umbrage With the Fake Matadores … They’re Fighting a Fake Rock Band. Deal With It.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
I only wish Primo and Epico were here to see Los Matadores debut. They’ve seem to have dropped off the face of the earth. #DreamMatch
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
The Rhodes Family Proposition:
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon walk down to the ring. Triple H invites the Rhodes Family to make their way down the ring and guarantees them safety just like guarantees the safety of any WWE Superstar.
What if The Rhodes family mimicked Los Matadores entrance? With Dusty Rhodes being dressed as the bull. That’d be whacky. #RAW
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
The Rhodes Family comes out to Dusty Rhodes’ theme.
The family theme!
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
Cody and Goldust coming out to Dusty’s theme…MARK OUT MOMENT
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
Aw… I Thought They Were Going to Come Out to Goldust’s Theme. As a Family!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Goldust in a suit and facepaint. Best.
— George E. Boy (@NotGeorgieBoy) October 1, 2013
Cody: You just HAD to wear the facepaint with the suit. Huh, Dustin? Goldust: Dustin? Dustin’s not here! But Goldust is! *Cody facepalms*
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
I Wonder How Many Family Portraits Goldust Messed Up…
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Is @StephMcMahon dancing to the Dream’s music? #Raw
— Trey Mendenhall (@TreyMendenhall) October 1, 2013
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Courtesy of Shardwick |
Stephanie McMahon says it’s good to see everyone again, especially Cody Rhodes , then asks if he received the Bed, Bath and Beyond Gift Card. Triple H calls The Rhodes Family out on their hostility and claims all they’ve done is given them opportunities. Triple H goes through Cody Rhodes, Goldust and Dusty Rhodes’ “opportunities” to get Cody’s job back and how they failed. Triple H asks Dusty Rhodes if he’s still bitter that he failed in the WWE, even with the Polka Dots.
Hey, Triple H. Dusty Rhodes in Polka Dots? Pulling. Them. Off.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Triple H brings up Dusty Rhodes telling Stephanie McMahon to go to hell and the consequences for him. Stephanie McMahon reminds Dusty Rhodes about his job at NXT, where he holds the future of the future WWE Superstars in the palm of his hand. Stephanie thinks it’s ironic that they hold the future of Dusty Rhodes’ son in the palm of their hands.
Stephanie’s going to invite the Rhodes Family to the Hunger Games. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
Stephanie McMahon tells Cody Rhodes that she would like to give him his job back and Goldust a job. Stephanie says they will get the opportunity to gain their employment, if they beat the WWE Tag Team Champions, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns at Battleground.
Even the unemployed get PPV matches. Sorry Zack Ryder. #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) October 1, 2013
Triple H says that if they beat The Shield, they get their jobs back. But if they lose, they will never work in the WWE again. On top of that, if they lose, Dusty Rhodes will join them in the unemployment line.
“You’ll never work in the WWE again….” Dixie Carter: It’s time kids! Get that contract ready! We’re getting a pair of Rhodes. #TeamDixie
— Shay Mitchell (@ShayLMitchell) October 1, 2013
Dusty Rhodes takes the mic and tells Triple H that he’s big on getting in other people’s faces. Dusty Rhodes get in Triple H’s face. Stephanie McMahon tries to get involved but Dusty Rhodes gives him the Maryse.
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Courtesy of vocareadregem |
LOL!!! TALK TO THE HAND STEPH!!!
— GOLDLUST (@Osito1034) October 1, 2013
Well, Now You Know Who Taught Maryse the Hand in the Face Thing! Dusty Rhodes, Trainer of Wrestler’s Future
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Dusty Rhodes wants one stipulation for this match: He’s in the corner of Cody Rhodes and Goldust. Stephanie McMahon agrees to the stipulation then tells Dusty Rhodes that it seems like he’s itchin’ for a fight. Stephanie tells Dusty Rhodes to be careful what he wishes for, because he might get it.
“Careful what you wish for. You just might get it. I got that from a Pussycat Dolls song. They’re still hip, right?” – #CoolMomSteph
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
The Rhodes Family tries to leave the ring, but Cody Rhodes and Goldust are attacked by The Shield. Dusty Rhodes tries to get involved with a chair, but gets attacked by The Shield as well.
NOOOOOO DUSTY
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
THAT was a PICTURE PERFECT spear holy CRAP
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) October 1, 2013
The Shield hits the Triple Powerobmb on Cody Rhodes. Roman Reigns grabs Cody Rhodes by the shirt then tells him to “Get Used To This.”
“GET USED TO THIS!” Calm Down, Roman Reigns! You Already Powerbombed the Guy!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
That settles it.. I’ve gotta buy the PPV to see this match. #Raw
— (@brokahontas) October 1, 2013
Match 04: R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel
R-Truth might be the only person in history to get worse at performing a song every time he does it.
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) October 1, 2013
R-Truth’s singing is equivalent to a person who’s been drinking since Monday then decided to go to karaoke on Saturday. #RAW
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
JBL is the only thing that would make R-Truth rapping more uncool.
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
Fun Fact: Curtis Axel doesn’t like R-Truth. “Rap is Crap” is in his Genes.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
CM Punk’s theme plays and it distracts Curtis Axel. R-Truth manages to get the victory!
Winner: R-Truth?!
DAMN IT CURTIS!!!!!
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
Of course R-Truth steals a victory. Stealing is what hoodlum’s like Truth do best.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
The Only Thing That Stings Worse Than a Beating from CM Punk is a Loss to R-Truth. It’s an Emotional Pain.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Trish Stratus gives Birth (Not actually on RAW. This happened outside of the WWE Universe)
Congratulations to Trish Stratus for giving birth to her son, Max Stratus! Calm down, Lita fans. Lita’s already been named Max’s God-diva.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
“With a Name Like Maximus, He Better Learn How to Fight.” – Uncle JBL. Congrats, Trish!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
IF YOU WERE WATCHING ON THE WWE APP DURING THE COMMERCIAL YOU SAW FOOTAGE OF TRISH STRATUS CROWNING, THAT’S A FUTURE CHAMPION RIGHT THERE.
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) October 1, 2013
It’s also announced that Brie Bella and Daniel Bryan are engaged.
Brie and Daniel Bryan are all kinds of vomit inducing adorable. #RAW
— S[Ta]cey (@LittleSherbie) October 1, 2013
As a proud African A-Bellacan, I’m happy for Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella’s engagement! Congrats to the happy couple.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
“Remember Daniel Bryan: Wedlock is the One Hold You Cannot Apply By Yourself. Marriage is a Tag Team Match.” – Teddy Long
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Match 05: Alicia Fox vs. Brie Bella
Alicia Fox is cosplaying as Slutty Sgt. Slaughter. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
Anyone come up with the parody “What does Alicia Fox say?” show yet?
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
LMAO, Nikki sounds like freaking donkey out there, “BRIEE!”, “BRIEEEE”, “EEE-HAW, C’MON BRIEEEEE!”
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
Backstage: AJ Lee and Tamina are watching Brie Bella’s match.
AJ Lee is watching in the back with her new manager, Cheetarah of the Thundercats.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Tamina Looks Like a Bounty Hunter from Trish Stratus’ Movie, “The Bounty Hunter” Congrats Again, Trish!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Brie Bella gets the upperhand.
Uh-oh! #BrieMode Unleashed!!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
The crowd behind Brie! Yes!
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
Winner: Brie Bella
“One! Two! Brie!” – A referee making a pun anytime Brie Bella gets a win.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Backstage: Curtis Axel paces around while Paul Heyman calls his name. Heyman snaps Curtis Axel out of it and tells him that CM Punk is out of their league. Ryback walks up and tells them no one needs to be threatened by CM Punk. Ryback thinks if CM Punk wants them, they should give him what he wants. Curtis Axel disagrees with this, but Paul Heyman tells Ryback to go get himself something to eat and he’ll find him in a couple of minutes.
“What, You’re Just Going to Go Down to the Ring and Call Him Out?” So, Curtis “Son of MR. PERFECT” Axel Has NEVER Watched Wrestling Before?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Go get some tuna salad, Ryback.
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
Curtis Axel asks Heyman what he has planned. Paul Heyman says that ever since Ryback saved his life, he has a new outlook on life. Heyman tells Axel that he’s going to do what he should’ve done when Ryback saved him and plans to propose to Ryback.
Propose To Ryback? #Raw just got sexy. #wwe
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) October 1, 2013
Paul Heyman’s shipping himself with Ryback.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
WELP, all you slash writers, YOU DID THIS. THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Now we have Heyman proposing to Ryback.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
Backstage: Renee Young asks Big Show how he’s holding up then brings up that last week on Smackdown, he looked ready to explode. Big Show says his financial situation is being held over his head like Damocles sword. Big Show talks about people saying he needs to be a man and do the right thing, but thinks it’s easier said than done. Big Show says he’s being forced to choose between the lesser of two evils and if it was up to him, he wouldn’t choose evil at all because he’s a good person who’s just trying to do right by his family.
Guys, The Big Show Just Made a Sword of Damocles Reference on #RAW. Damien Sandow isn’t the Only One Impressed.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Big Show says every sick, horrible thing he’s been asked to do he’s done. Big Show talks about how hard it was knocking out WWE Hall Of Famer, Dusty Rhodes and how he had to watch The Shield attack Dusty. Big Show says he can’t even look Dusty Rhodes in the eye after everything that happened and there’s only so much he can take. Big Show says that he’s done everything asked of him, but he can’t take it anymore and he WON’T take it anymore.
“Every sick, weird thing they’ve ordered me to do, I’ve done.” – Big Show, WWE Superstar/Fetish Model.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Somebody book a Waahhhmbulance match for Big Show. #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) October 1, 2013
We’ve Seen The Big Show on Psych, Knucklehead, The Waterboy. He Can Get Work … as a Freak But He Can Get Work.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Big Show says he’s going to find Triple H and show him exactly how he feels, by knocking Triple H out.
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Courtesy of melonpanblues |
What is that look on Show’s face@?
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
Big Show’s eyeballs are the best thing about pro wrestling right now. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
@3ManBooth forget Walter white. Long live Paul Wight
— James Maxwell (@I_AM_maxHELL) October 1, 2013
Big Show’s version of knocking out Triple H is him punching copies of Triple H’s “Thy Kingdom Come” DVD.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Backstage: R-Truth is talking to Brad Maddox about possibly getting an Intercontinental Title shot. Maddox tells Truth he’ll take it under advisement, which R-Truth is confused about.
“Advisement?!” – R-Truth learning a new word.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Big Show walks up and R-Truth quickly leaves.
R-Truth ran from Big Show quick. He didn’t wanna feel that knockout punch again.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Big Show demands Triple H, but Brad Maddox tries to calm him down. Big Show presses Brad Maddox up against the wall and demands Maddox to tell him where Triple H. Big Show tells Maddox to go find Triple H. Maddox runs for his life.
Big Show’s on the Loose! The Only Safe Place is the Ring!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Pretty sure Maddox’s sky blue pants turned navy after that. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) October 1, 2013
Match 06: Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder
ADR is still heel, but he cares about breast cancer.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
It’s Alberto Del Rio! AKA Captain Foxy from One Piece.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
C’mon Del Rio. If we’re going by video game character stats, Zack Ryder is a solid 63. You’re an 89. This should be over by now. #RAW
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
Alberto Del Rio just kicked the spikes out of Zack Ryder’s head!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Welp. You tried, Ryder.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Look Before You Leap, Ryder. Look Before You Leap.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Paul Heyman’s Proposal:
A dude proposing to another dude in Mississippi might not go over well
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
Paul Heyman reminds us about his victory over CM Punk, which proved that he is the Best In The World. Heyman says he is also proficient in political science then tells us his theory that you cannot put down insurgence on their own soil. Heyman says that since he owns CM Punk, he knew he had to go against his theory and squash CM Punk in Chicago then shows the footage.
The Chest Slapping and Hurling Gesture is Not Convincing Me You’re Not a Shaved Ape, The Ryback!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Paul Heyman gives CM Punk credit for commitment, but Punk’s commitment has been to break Heyman’s face. Heyman says that the only reason that this face is still on TV, smiling, is because of the big, bad, beautiful man who put a stop to CM Punk’s bullying, Ryback. Ryback says that there’s one thing he hates in the world and that’s bullies. Ryback talks about all the sacrifies and friendship CM Punk gave Paul Heyman and how much it upset him that CM Punk threw that in Heyman’s face. Ryback calls Paul Heyman a genius and says there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for him.
Who knew Paul Heyman had a damsel in distress fetish? #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) October 1, 2013
It’s Guy Love That’s All It Is It’s Guy Love He’s Mine; I’m His There’s Nothing Gay About It In Our Eyes http://t.co/HrUYFrph2G
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Paul Heyman says he’s glad Ryback feels that way and that it’s time that in this progressive society that people are honest about their true feelings. Heyman tells Ryback that he doesn’t want to be stigmatized in that Superstar/Manager relationship. He wants better. Heyman tells Ryback that ever since he saved his life, he’s felt more liberated and free. And he wants to feel that way every single time. Paul Heyman is cut off by a “Get A Room” chant.
The Ryback is Getting Paul Heyman to Commit to Something. There’s a Bingo Hall Full of People Rolling Their Eyes Right Now.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Paul Heyman tells Ryback that he wants a commitment and that he even ran this by his children. Heyman wants to commit to Ryback from the Opening Match to the Main Event, In Sickness and In Health, and Till Death Do They Part. Heyman tells Ryback that he wants to make an honest man out of him then gets on one knee.
IS RYBACK CRYING
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
You can’t propose without a Ring Pop! #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) October 1, 2013
Paul Heyman asks Ryback if he’ll become a Paul Heyman Guy. The WWE Universe chants “NO!” as Ryback thinks about it.
Stephanie better go get another Bed, Bath & Beyond gift card…or an Arby’s giftcard. #RAW
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
CM Punk’s theme song plays and Paul Heyman and Ryback look around for him. CM Punk comes through the crowd. Jumps over the rail, then lands on his knee!
Wait. What Just Happened?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Punk just blew his knee out!/
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
CM Punk just had a Peter Griffin moment with his knee.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
CM Punk looks legitimately hurt. CM Punk struggles to get to his feet and limps his way to the ring. CM Punk almost gets in the ring, but falls again. The doctors check on CM Punk.
The Nash curse has befallen CM Punk.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) October 1, 2013
CM Punk slowly starts to get to his feet, but pulls out a Kendo Stick and hits Paul Heyman in the knee with it!
CM Punk’s Trap: Successful. #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) October 1, 2013
Oh, CM Punk. You Scared Us! We Can’t Afford to Lose You Like Paul Heyman Did.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
CM Punk beats the crap out of Ryback with a Kendo Stick.
Punk just high fived Ryback… in the face… with a kendo stick. #RAW
— S[Ta]cey (@LittleSherbie) October 1, 2013
Curtis Axel tries to help out but gets destroyed by CM Punk with the Kendo Stick. CM Punk looks at Paul Heyman and Ryback, who are up the ramp then hits Curtis Axel with the GTS.
Man. Curtis Axel CANNOT catch a break tonight.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Curtis Axel is like the Santa’s Little Helper of Heyman guys, after Ryback’s Laddie arrived.
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
Match 07: The Shield vs. Dolph Ziggler and The Usos
Dolph Ziggler represents Breast Cancer every month.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
They don’t show The Shield’s awesome entrance and then The Uso’s don’t do theirs. This is not okay. #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) October 1, 2013
Just slightly disappointed The Shield didn’t rock pink utility vests tonight. #RAW
— S[Ta]cey (@LittleSherbie) October 1, 2013
The Usos are Sliding All Over The Ring! They are FIRED Up Tonight!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Roman Reigns hits the Spear on Dolph Ziggler.
He just killed Dolph!
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
Ziggler Went Flying For that ZigZag! and then Roman Reigns Sent Ziggler FLYING with that Spear!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Winners: The Shield
The Shield work together to win tonight. Tomorrow, they will work together and destroy other alliances in GTA V: Online.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Backstage: Big Show is waiting around for Triple H.
Big Show is that friend that gets wayyy to comfortable in your house #raw
— Emile Autouri (@WellYoureWrong) October 1, 2013
Big Show looks at flowers then destroys them.
Hey Big Show, Paul Heyman would have appreciated those flowers.
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
Those flowers did nothing to you, Big Show!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
The cops show up and asks Big Show about alligations of him threatening a WWE employee. Stephanie McMahon walks up and apologizes for Big Show. Stephanie McMahon says that he’s been under a lot of pressure lately and might not realize the consequences of his actions. Stephanie McMahon says Big Show is just trying to put food on the table for his family and pay his mortgage. Stephanie McMahon vouches for the Big Show, then tells him that she spoke to his wife today. Stephanie reveals that at home, Big Show hasn’t been measuring up to his wife’s expectations.
TMI STEPH, TMI
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
That Cop Gave Big Show the “Shame” Look. Protect and Serve, “Officer.”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
It’s bad enough Big Show is broke, but now he’s got penis problems?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
After Stephanie McMahon and the cops leave, Big Show punches the Triple H: Thy Kingdom Come DVD Poster.
I WAS RIGHT!! BIG SHOW KNOCKED OUT TRIPLE H’S THY KINGDOM COME DVD COVER!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Weird. I did the same thing to my copy of Knucklehead on DVD. #RAW
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
That’s comin out of your paycheck Show.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) October 1, 2013
Backstage: Renee Young asks Rob Van Dam about his World Title Match being held under Extreme Rules. Rob Van Dam tells Renee that he could talk about this, but he’d rather show her. RVD shows a YouTube clip of RVD’s Most Extreme Moments.
I hope RVD goes around the country, presenting some more of his short films at arthouse theatres. #RAW
— Thomas Green (@NotThatTomGreen) October 1, 2013
It just occured to me RVD set up his own Family Guy-esque cut away while breaking the 4th wall.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) October 1, 2013
Rob Van Dam tells Renee Young that Alberto Del Rio is vicious and sadistic, but the truth is, Del Rio has no clue what Hardcore Rules means. RVD says that when it’s Hardcore, anything goes and you use your imagination. RVD says this Sunday at Battleground, they’re going Hardcore and the perfect translation for what Hardcore means is “Rob. Van. Dam.”
Rob Van Dam in that pink shirt reminds me of Otto the Bus Driver from The Simpsons.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Match 08: The Real Americans vs. The Great Khali and Santino Marella
Zeb Colter rants about Missouri then explains his new rule: Only Real Americans are allowed to join in with the Real Americans and say the phrase, “We The People.”
Jack Swagger still has the Miley Cyrus haircut #CameInLikeAWreckingBall
— Tom (@TomQWood) October 1, 2013
If Cesaro loses to Santino again, I’ll riot/
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) October 1, 2013
Santino Did an Entire Lap Around the Ring in the Time it Took The Great Khali to Get to Ringside.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Hornswoggle fails to get The Great Khali to run. Khali only operates on Khali Time.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Antonio Cesaro, Redeem Yourself After Your Loss to Santino!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Antonio Cesaro does the Giant Swing to Santino Marella!
Cesaro’s Giant Swing ride is set to open at Disney World in 2015. #RAW
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
How much for a ride on the Cesaro tilt-a-whirl? #RAW
— S[Ta]cey (@LittleSherbie) October 1, 2013
SANTINO CHECKED HIS WATCH!
— GOLDLUST (@Osito1034) October 1, 2013
They Needed to Add a 3rd Hour to #RAW Just For Antonio Cesaro’s Giant Swing.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Winner: Santino Marella
AGAIN?!? That’s It! No More Giant Swing Until You Can Beat Santino! It’s Hurts Us Too But It’s For the Best, Cesaro.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Randy Orton/Daniel Bryan Face-Off:
Jerry Lawler introduces Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan then reminds them that this is a Verbal Confrontation only. Lawler also reminds them of Triple H stripping Daniel Bryan of the title. Orton says that at the time, he was very upset with Triple H’s decision, but he realized he should be happy because it motivated him to find the Apex Predator. No longer was he the Viper who cared what the WWE Universe thought, he was the Viper who was void of morality, who decimated The Miz in front of his family.
“I Should Be Happy That Triple H Held the Title in Abeyance … Because It Taught Me The Word ‘Abeyance.” – Randy Orton
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
*Amadeus/Dr. Zaius voice* “In Abeyance In Abeyance! In Abeyance In Abeyance! In Abeyance In Abeyance! Ohhh In Abeyance!” – WWE Title
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Randy Orton says this Sunday, he will beat Daniel Bryan for the WWE Title because he is Genetically Superior to a small, pathetic, Goatfaced B+ Player like Bryan. Daniel Bryan mocks Randy Orotn’s monotone A+ Delivery, then asks Bryan why he felt that Triple H needed to inspire him. Bryan says maybe it’s because he wants to make money off Randy Orton, or maybe he knew that Orton couldn’t reach his full potential without motivation. Bryan says he might be a small, weak, pathetic, B+, goatfaced troll, but he has NEVER needed anyone’s motivation to reach his full potential. Bryan says This Sunday at Battleground, he’ll achieve even more when he beats Randy Orton and regains the WWE Championship.
Daniel Bryan better be Careful. I Think Randy Orton’s Planning on DDT-ing Brie Bell and Kissing Her.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
The WWE Universe chants “YES!” which angers Randy Orton further. Orton screams “NO!” and demands they stop chanting, but the WWE Universe cheers anyway. Randy Orton says that Daniel Bryan has been on a roll as of late and that he’s marrying a Bella. Orton asks Bryan that what could possibly be wrong with Brie Bella since she’s actually marrying him. Orton tells Bryan that one day, Brie Bella is going to wake up and realize that she’s not sleeping with handsome champion like himself. She’s sleeping with a barnyard animal.
Yeah … Randy Orton Deserves a Beating. Stop Him Before He Goes After Future WWE Hall of Famer Maximus Stratus!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Orton basically called Brie Bella a Goat Shagger. He crossed the line! #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) October 1, 2013
Randy Orton seems to have an issue with Superstars marrying Divas. Maybe he destroyed The Miz because he’s marrying Maryse.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
“I’m just tryna smash.” – Randy Orton
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
Daniel Bryan attacks Randy Orton. Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan brawl, but Randy Orton gets the upperhand. Randy Orton gets ready to DDT Daniel Bryan off the apron, but Brie Bella comes down and asks him to stop. Randy Orton hits the DDT anyway.
It got real!
— Emile Autouri (@WellYoureWrong) October 1, 2013
You see how much of a ride or die chick Brie is? She’s came out for her man.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) October 1, 2013
Unleash #BrieMode, Brie!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Randy Orton starts taking the table apart as Brie Bella begs for him to stop.
Kick him in the crotch then run, Brie!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Orton Needs to Work on His Listening Skills. Your Match Isn’t Extreme Rules on Sunday, Randy! Alberto Del Rio v. Rob Van Dam Is!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
The crotch, Brie! Kick him in the crotch then run!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Randy Orton gives Daniel Bryan and RKO through the table while Brie Bella pleads for Orton to leave him alone.
“*Kevin Hart Girl Voice* Oh My God! Randy! Don’t DDT Bryan. Oh My God. Oh My God. *Orton DDT’s Bryan* Noooooooooo!” – Brie Bella
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
Brie you could have like…hit Randy with a chair or something. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) October 1, 2013
Where Were the 10 Guys From the Daniel Bryan Squadron?!? Looks Like They Just Lost Their Chance to Be Groomsmen!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) October 1, 2013
Randy Orton walks off as Brie Bella checks on Daniel Bryan.
So That Happened:
All I ask is that we get one mixed tag match: Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella vs. Randy Orton and AJ Lee.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) October 1, 2013
I really hope Orton wins the title at Battleground.
— Shay Mitchell (@ShayLMitchell) October 1, 2013
Another swell time with my #RAW family. Thanks for the laughs, retweets, & favorites. See yinz at Battleground!! *CLAP CLAP* OLE!
— Adam Lucidi (@adamlucidi) October 1, 2013
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