RAW begins with Mr. McMahon and Brad Maddox walking to the ring.
How Dare Brad Maddox Not Give Vince McMahon a Drumroll Announcement? You’re On Probation, Brad Maddox!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
I’m disappointed Twitter won’t let me change my display name to “The Chairman Of The Board.” #itsallyoursvinnie #raw
— Crazy Eyes (@prettyheartless) July 30, 2013
Mr. McMahon says the WWE Universe is going to have fun tonight, then passes the mic to Brad Maddox who apologizes for letting John Cena choose his opponent at Summerslam. Mr. McMahon reminds Brad Maddox about him calling Daniel Bryan an undersized troll with psychological problems who doesn’t have the aura to be WWE Champion.
You shut your damn mouth, Vince McMahon! #Raw
— thechrishaley (@thechrishaley) July 30, 2013
Mr. McMahon asks Brad Maddox how he really feels about Daniel Bryan, but Bryan interrupts.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been more excited to hear @WWEDanielBryan‘s music. #Raw
— thechrishaley (@thechrishaley) July 30, 2013
Daniel Bryan, grown-ass man. #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
I Hope Daniel Bryan Calls Brad Maddox a “Grown-Ass Woman.”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Daniel Bryan takes the mic as Mr. McMahon tries to silent the Daniel Bryan chants. Bryan says with all due respect, those words came out of the mouth of Brad Maddox, but he believes they were dictated by Mr. McMahon. Mr. McMahon calls Daniel Bryan out on having a lack of disrespect for interrupting him, but Bryan tells Mr. McMahon respect is a two way street. Bryan talks about giving everything he had, night after night for the WWE for years, but thinks Mr. McMahon doesn’t give him an ounce of respect.
Oh Snap! Beards Give You Confidence! Look at Daniel Bryan Talking Back to Vince McMahon! #RespectTheBeard
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Mr. McMahon asks Daniel Bryan if he respects John Cena, then asks the WWE Universe to behave themselves since they’re chanting “YES!” Daniel Bryan says he respects John Cena as a human being, a Champion and that he picked him as his opponent at Summerslam.
Wtf is Vince going to do if the crowd doesn’t behave? Ground them all? #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
Notice Daniel Bryan Doesn’t Respect John Cena as a Wrestler …
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Mr. McMahon asks Bryan if he would respect Cena if he was lying about all the things he said about Daniel Bryan. McMahon claims John Cena is lying through his teeth and that Cena is a master manipulator who is making Daniel Bryan look foolish.
John Cena a liar? Blasphemy Vince! Blasphemy I say! #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
John Cena IS a master manipulator. When he gets in trouble, he just buys people Range Rovers.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Mr. McMahon asks Daniel Bryan and the WWE Universe if they’re fools, then tells Bryan that Cena also knows that Daniel Bryan can’t beat him. Mr. McMahon thinks that Daniel Bryan can’t even beat Kane because Bryan doesn’t have that intangible quality or Ruthless Aggression. Mr. McMahon tells Daniel Bryan that John Cena also lost his Ruthless Aggression, and that he’s ripe for the picking, but doesn’t think Daniel Bryan can beat Cena at Summerslam.
HIT HIM WITH A BRICK, DANIEL. THE INTERNET HAS YOUR BACK. #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
OMG TAP VINCE OUT D-BRY! #RAW
— thechrishaley (@thechrishaley) July 30, 2013
CHOKE HIM WITH HIS TIE DANIEL. C’MON #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
Mr. McMahon says even though he doesn’t want Daniel Bryan to win, he doesn’t want John Cena to win either. McMahon claims Cena walks around like he’s better than him and that he owns the place. McMahon says he doesn’t want a half-pint troll like Daniel Bryan, who is an embarrassment to the company, to win either. Mr. McMahon says that the person he wants to win at Summerslam is himself. McMahon bends down to get on “Daniel Bryan’s level,” then tells his theory of what he wants to happen at Summerslam. He wants Daniel Bryan and John Cena to lock up then spontaneously combust.
You Know, It Figures That a Man That Was Mysteriously “Blown Up” Would Understand Spontaneous Combustion.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
I could probably deal with Cena just exploding. DB would get beard everywhere.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Frankly, Vince McMahon is not being a star right now. #raw
— Crazy Eyes (@prettyheartless) July 30, 2013
@KeepItFiveStar It would be the second SummerSlam in his career that he randomly won a world title.
— Robert Aitken (@RobertAitkenBR) July 30, 2013
Daniel Bryan says that if John Cena is lying, he will have hell to pay. Bryan is about to tells Mr. McMahon what he likes about him, but decides to get on “McMahon’s Level” by standing on his tip-toes. Mr. McMahon tries to stand on his tip-toes as well, but quickly gives up.
If Vince stood on his toes any longer, his quads would have rocketed off the bone. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by Vince McMahon. #raw
— Crazy Eyes (@prettyheartless) July 30, 2013
Daniel Bryan tells Mr. McMahon that McMahon is always honest with him and what he really thinks, but it doesn’t matter what Mr. McMahon thinks. It matters what the WWE Universe thinks. After the “YES!” chants, Bryan says it sounds like the WWE Universe wants a new WWE Champion and his name is Daniel Bryan. Bryan tells McMahon to listen to the WWE Universe, then asks if they want a new WWE Champion. Loud “YES!” chants are heard as Daniel Bryan joins in with the WWE Universe. Mr. McMahon looks dumbfounded.
Vince, Daniel Bryan is so on Fire, He’s Not Only the Hottest Thing the WWE, He’s The Hottest Thing in the WWF and the E! Network!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Guys remember, once you go Bryan, there’s no point in tryin’.
— jen. (@dragonsleeper_) July 30, 2013
As Bryan walks through the back later, a decrepit Zack Ryder steps out of the shadows and issues a dire warning. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
Match 01: The Shield vs. Mark Henry and The Usos
“YES! YES! YES-ierra. Hotel. India. Echo. Lima. Delta. Shield.” – The Shield’s awkward transition to the ring.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Vince McMahon disappeared from the ring as The Shield entered. Maybe he combusted. #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Mark Henry better be coming out in a color coordinated singlet with the Uso’s. If that means the 90’s green/purple surfer look… So be it.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
I dig the hell out of that Uso-mate Warrior face paint though. #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
I Just Realized that The Usos Repurposed All of Fatu’s “Make a Difference” Ring Gear.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Mark Henry and Roman Reigns go Face-To-Face.
Mark Henry facing off with Roman Reigns: The Silverback taking on the Samoan Lion.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Seeing Reigns getting manhandled is weird.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose Got Knocked Down by the Flying Usos. What Knocked Down Reigns? Mark Henry’s Roar!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Winners: The Shield
Post-Match, Mark Henry takes out The Shield.
WWE should have a Mark Henry ‘Over The Top’ invitational every week. People attempt to attack him, he just throws them out the ring yelling.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
Backstage: WWE Employees are in catering having a case of the Mondays.
Earlier tonight, some guys enjoy catering. #RAW
— Stacey (@LittleSherbie) July 30, 2013
Are we FINALLY going to see Ryder vs Catering? Impromptu match?
— Shay Mitchell (@ShayLMitchell) July 30, 2013
Ryback joins them in catering, then calls one of the employees out on having a problem. The employee says he doesn’t have a problem, but Ryback pushes him into a wall. Ryback asks if the employee has something to say to him and if he’s scared, but he doesn’t answer.
Hey, Ryback. That guy baked those nachos and brought them from home!
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
That catering table is both very posh and very small. No wonder Ryback is in a mood. #raw
— Kara (@karaadora) July 30, 2013
Ryback auditioning for Season 02 of Total Divas
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Ryback asks the employee if he’s hungry, then slaps him with a piece of tuna!
It’s Not Like the Ryback to Waste Food.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Ryback might be the first person ever to slap someone with a piece of Tuna.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Ryback grabs the employee then says he’s going to put John Cena through a table like this tonight then says he could put the employee through a table right now if he wanted. A few seconds later, Ryback slams the employee through the table!
Oh god not the flowers! #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
Hilarious how that guy was trying to look all hard while he had salad in his ear. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Stan Stansky and Arthur Rosenburg are currently filming an “It gets better” video for that random guy at craft services. #Raw
— Ramon Villalobos (@RamonVillalobos) July 30, 2013
Backstage: Kane walks up to Brad Maddox and asks where the Wyatts are. Maddox says they’re not here, but if he wants to send a message that he’s a monster and has that killer instinct, he should do it against his former tag team partner and good friend, Daniel Bryan.
How’s Kane Going to Send a Message to the Wyatts, Brad Maddox? Via Tout? Hey, Remember Tout?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
If Kane wants to attract the Wyatts he should turn on some generic getaway music.
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Match 02: Rob Van Dam vs. Fandango
Oh hey so I like RVD because his theme isn’t yelling his move set at me like it did in TNA. #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
.@Heinekenrana Thank god Jericho never went to TNA. That song would’ve been 30 minutes long. #1004 #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
What?!?! Rob. Van. Dam. Versus. Fan. Dan. Go!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
#EveryoneFandango
— Shay Mitchell (@ShayLMitchell) July 30, 2013
The Doctor of Dance, the Doctor of Thuganomics, all we need is a Janitor and we have WWE Scrubs. #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
These are 2 different examples of “Educated Feet.”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
“Which one is Fandango, him or her?” – mom. “Fandango is a way of life.” – me. #raw
— Crazy Eyes (@prettyheartless) July 30, 2013
RVD Looks Like a Dolphin Jumping Out of Water When He Does Rolling Thunder.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Fandango walks out of the match.
Winner: Rob Van Dam (Via countout)
RVD and The Ryback are like Before and After Pictures for Protein Shakes.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Post-Match, Fandango takes the mic and says his catchphrase.
“IT’S..FANNNNNNNNNNNNNNDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Why did you say that? There was no set up for that, Fandango.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Can Someone Teach JTG How to Dougie So He Can Feud With Fandango?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Backstage: AJ Lee complains to Big E. Langston about having to face Kaitlyn again and how she doesn’t want to get speared. AJ starts yelling at Big E. Langston for allowing Kaitlyn to spear her.
“Everytime she spears me, a baby cries and I lose a hero.” – AJ Lee
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Big E. Langston is about to speak, but AJ Lee starts laughing hysterically. AJ tells Big E. that she knows the reason Big E. stands there and watches is because he likes her and what she does in the ring. AJ tells Big E. that he never knows what she’s going to do next then skips off.
Poor Big E, the Milhouse to AJ’s Lisa Simpson.
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Match 03: Kaitlyn vs. AJ Lee
AJ Lee vs. Kaitlyn. These are All the Total Divas I Need on Monday Nights (And also Natalya).
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Is it possible for AJ to turn the sexy down a bit. I already took a shower. #RAW
— Dani (@JacksGuiltyPlea) July 30, 2013
Big E looks a bit like Carlton Banks sometimes. Is that unusual? #RAW
— Carlos Danger Mouse (@Heinekenrana) July 30, 2013
AJ Lee quickly countered that roll up. She’s studied more than enough Beth Phoenix matches!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Shining Wizard By AJ!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Good Divas match right here #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Kaitlyn hits AJ Lee with the spear!
Winner: Kaitlyn
Baby’s Cryin.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Kaitlyn spears AJ. All of a sudden, Kofi Kingston’s baby wakes up crying and Kofi has no idea why. Also, Goku died again.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
That was a great Diva’s match! Can never get tired of that.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
Post-Match, AJ snaps and starts throwing a tantrum in the ring.
Is A.J giving child birth? #RAW
— Stacey (@LittleSherbie) July 30, 2013
Dolph Ziggler’s theme plays and Ziggler comes out.
Did Dolph Ziggler just turn all of Mr. Perfect’s old singlets into tank tops?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
I Know AJ Ripped Up Ziggler’s Clothes on Smackdown But Why is He Wearing One of Her Tanktops on RAW?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Dolph Ziggler congratulates AJ Lee on her loss, then says her new friend, Big E., can be her shoulder to cry on tonight. After that, AJ can do Big E. a favor and be a shoulder for him to cry on, because Dolph wants a match with Big E. Langston right now!
AJ’s a walking wound and Ziggler has a ton of salt to throw on it.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Brad Maddox sighs, as he scratched out the return of Shawn Michaels from RAW’s schedule to allow this Ziggler/Big E match.
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Match 04: Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E. Langston
I Don’t Know How Dolph is Going to ZiggleWiggle His Way Out of This One…
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Big E. Langston keeps screaming that it’s his time while he beats up Dolph Ziggler.
“IT’S MY TIME! IT’S MY TIME! YOUR TIME IS UP!” – Big E. Langston picking the wrong time to sing Triple H and John Cena’s theme music.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
I Guess The Only Worse Than Being Trashed Talked to While Losing is Being Trashed Talked to With John Cena Lyrics. “Your Time Is Up!”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
AJ Lee gets in the ring then attacks Dolph Ziggler. AJ starts pulling at his hair.
WATCH THE WEAVE AJ
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
You better believe if AJ got a lock of that hair she’ll be doing some voodoo stuff with it.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
Post-Match, Big E. Langston yells at a screaming AJ Lee, who’s for interfering in the match. Dolph Ziggler sneaks up then takes Langston down with a Zig Zag.
A ZIG ZAG FROM OUTTA NOWHERE
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
I know AJ’s “crazy” but this whole segment Dolph comes off like an asshole and he’s supposed to be cheered for it. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
Backstage: John Cena is on the phone when Daniel Bryan interrupts him. Bryan asks John Cena if it’s true what Mr. McMahon said out there. Cena says that he wouldn’t believe a word Daniel Bryan said out there. Bryan says that good or bad, Mr. McMahon has always been honest with him. Cena asks Daniel Bryan if he’s calling him a liar, but Bryan doesn’t respond. Cena walks off as Bryan stares at him.
This is Not Promo Time. Cena! Daniel Bryan Came to You, Like a Grown-Ass Man, and Asked You a Question.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
You couldn’t just answer the question, Cena?
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Match 05: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio
Desperately Needs A New Shirt Christian vs Hyper Aggressive Carless and Ricardoless Del Rio
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Can’t #WWE get Christian a new shirt already. Doesn’t he have a birthday coming up? #poorchristian #raw
— Crazy Eyes (@prettyheartless) July 30, 2013
I’d buy a new Christian shirt but then again I’m a huge mark so who knows.
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Take a sip every time Christian claps or bangs on something
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Don’t These Guys Have a Storied History? Isn’t Christian Responsible for Brodus Clay Hitting His Head and Becoming the Funkasaurus?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Last time Christian and Alberto Del Rio feuded, we were all experiencing Edge feels from his retirement.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Man, They NEVER Talk About Christian. Even During Christian’s Matches!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Even the tweets on the RAW Ticker have NOTHING to do with Christian. Christian’s the male Natalya. #PoorChristian #PoorNatalya
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
What are the crowd chanting? My sound is muffled it sounds like ‘Santino!’
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
To the fans chanting Mexico, you’re about a month too late. Del Rio’s heel now. Check back again in 6 months.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Alberto Del Rio is constantly using the Limb Targeting feature from the WWE Videogames.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Del Rio with the Si Chant and Christian with the Spear Chant. Both are Less Successful Versions of Other Chants.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Christian goes for the Killswitch, but his arm gives out. Alberto Del Rio goes for the Cross Arm Breaker, but Christian counters with a roll up!
What a Counter By Christian!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Winner: Christian
Well damn. Christian snuck in a win over Del Rio.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
@KeepItFiveStar McGilliChristian’s Roll Up > Axel’s Count Out
— Yo Gabba Gabba (@basedilluminati) July 30, 2013
Recaps on Caps on Caps: Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes and The Gulf Of Mexico
“Thank you for wasting my time you anemic, pathetic, piece of vermin.” – Damein Sandow saying what we’re all thinking about Sin Cara
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Damien Sandow stands in three feet of water and continues to declare that he can’t swim as the camera man films his death. Great wrestling.
— (@brokahontas) July 30, 2013
My money is on Sandow to win the Springfield Film Festival with that entry. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
Match 06: Wade Barrett vs. Cody Rhodes
Fun Fact: Every time Wade Barrett goes “BOOM!” he thinks about how his career spontaneously combusted.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
When did Wade Barrett become Zack Ryder?
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Is Barrett really saying “BOOM!” now? He really likes his theme huh?
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Cody! What’s going on with this moonsault, buddy? You need to start landing those, champ.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Cody Can’t Do the Cody-sault Anymore. His Mustache Makes Him Less Aerodynamic.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Wade Barrett goes for a Pumphande Slam, but Cody Rhodes counters with Cross Rhodes!
Winner: Cody Rhodes
That was a Nice Counter! Cody Rhodes Might Have the Best Counter to Finisher in the WWE!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Post-Match, Damien Sandow damns Cody Rhodes for throwing his Money In The Bank Briefcase in the Gulf Of Mexico, then tells Cody that he filed a complaint against him with WWE Management. Sandow says he tried to bring Cody up to his level of success, but all Cody Rhodes did was grow a mustache. Sandow tells Cody that it’s not his fault since he comes from a family a clowns instead of a family of scholars like Sandow.
Cody Comes From a Family of Plumbers, Damien! and … whatever Goldust is.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Cody challenges Damien Sandow to get into the ring, but Sandow declines claiming “Carny Folk” are beneath his constitution.
Sandow: “Carny folk are beneath me!” Kizarny: “:(” #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Now I Really Want to See Damien Sandow Face Goldust in a Match.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
That was maybe the best possible anti-Cody Rhodes promo anyone has ever or could ever cut. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
Match 07: Daniel Bryan vs. Kane
So Now Daniel Bryan’s Going to Wrestle for an Hour Again, Right? That’s the Deal We Made? Watch Total Divas, Bryan Wrestles for 1 Hour.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
I wonder which wrestling fan will be the first person to name their kid after a chant. Welcome to the world, “YES! WHAT? HUSKY HARRIS!”
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Dr. Shelby disapproves of this madness!
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
Dr. Shelby’s system is like Springfield Elementary’s buddy system. If it fails, we don’t know what to believe in!
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
If This is a Number 1 Contender’s Match for Kane, I Hope Wins and Bryan Wins at SummerSlam. I Can’t Watch Cena/Kane Again, You Guys.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Is Kane using his actual hair now? Is his wig gone? Did Mark Henry split it?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Basically, If You’re In the WWE, it’s Okay to Have Friends But NEVER Okay to Have Best Friends.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Bryan has no ruthless streak. I mean choking out announcers with ties? Not ruthless at all.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
Kane goes for a small package, but Daniel Bryan counters with a roll up
Winner: Daniel Bryan
@ShayLMitchell What a terrible nickname haha
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
When will wrestlers learn, don’t put your arms nor legs anywhere near Daniel Bryan ever for any reason. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
John Cena Might Have Basic Thuganomics but Daniel Bryan has Advanced Fundamentals!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Post-Match, Kane chokeslams Daniel Bryan.
That’s very rude, Kane.
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Kane goes for his fire trick, but The Wyatt Family’s music plays.
#Creepy #WyattFamily
— Shay Mitchell (@ShayLMitchell) July 30, 2013
Throw the buzzards at him!
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Kane tries to attack Bray Wyatt first, but gets attacked by The Wyatt Family
That was Awesome! Kane Learned After Last Time! Go Right for Bray Wyatt!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
The Wyatt Family takes out Kane, then Bray Wyatt hits Kane with his finisher.
See, Kane? If you didn’t Chokeslam Daniel Bryan, maybe you’d have a buddy right now!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Kane, this happened once before. Just get out of the damn ring next time? #RAW
— Stacey (@LittleSherbie) July 30, 2013
Bray Wyatt tells Kane that he likes to call himself the Devil’s Favorite Demon, but Kane is no demon. Wyatt grabs Kane’s head and says that he needs to let him in on a little secret: He needs to be careful who he says these things around because you never know who might be listening. Wyatt drops Kane’s head then laughs before screaming “Follow The Buzzards!”
Follow The Buzzards! Whatever the hell that means! #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
I’d let Bray Wyatt lead me to the edge if the universe #RAW
— Dani (@JacksGuiltyPlea) July 30, 2013
Those beards are so epic, they’re like Grandfather Beards. #respect #WyattFamily #raw
— Crazy Eyes (@prettyheartless) July 30, 2013
Daniel Bryan didnt help Kane because he respects The Wyatt Family’s beards. #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Backstage: The Bellas are talking to each other when they’re interrupted by Natalya who tells them they have a match tonight.
Hey, It’s the Star of #TotalDivas. Natalya! and her co-stars, The Bella Twins.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Brie Bella tells Natalya that she’s going to be a losing tonight, but that they’re all winners in Total Divas. Nikki says that in every good story there’s always an ugly duckling.
Poor Natalya #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Spoiler Alert: The Ugly Duckling turns into a Beautiful Swan. Also, The Swan learns how to put people in the Sharpshooter.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Match 08: Brie Bella vs. Natalya
Two—two divas matches?! #Love
— Shay Mitchell (@ShayLMitchell) July 30, 2013
Nattie Could Take on Nikki. Brie AND Vincent in a Match and Still Win.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
If Nattie kills The Bella Twins, at least 10,000 people would gladly help her hide from the cops.
— Crazy Eyes (@prettyheartless) July 30, 2013
Funny Enough, Nattie Got The Ring, Didn’t She, Nikki Bella? #ZINGO
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Natalya almost puts Brie Bella in the Sharpshooter, but Nikki Bella comes out and distracts Natalya with a duck whistle.
“Has anyone in this family ever seen a duck?” — Jason Bateman as Michael Bella. #Raw
— Chris Sims (@theisb) July 30, 2013
Brie Bella takes advantage and rolls up Natalya.
Winner: Natalya
Aw, Not the Roll-up!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Post-Match, The Bellas continue to mock Natalya with the duck whistle.
Natalya’s not the one doing duckface selfies on Instagram, Bellas. So take that duck crap somewhere else.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Still Got That Ring Though. Did Cena Get You That Duck Whistle, Nikki?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Match 09: R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Curtis Axel, Please Make Quick Work of R-Turth. He Should NOT Be Able to Kick Out of the PerfectPlex, Understand?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Paul Heyman says that he finds it ironic that his client is known as R-Truth, because Heyman’s truth is that he’s the greatest manager, agent and advocate in sports entertainment in history. Heyman starts hyping up Brock Lesnar, then claims Lesnar will end the career of Heyman’s former best friend, CM Punk at Summerslam. Heyman switches his gears to Curtis Axel and says that being a Paul Heyman Guy means that you’re among the elite circle of top, tier talent in history. A fact perfectly personified by Curtis Axel.
You Realize This Paul Heyman Promo Is Going to Be the Best Part of this Curtis Axel vs R-Truth Match, Right? Quit Booing, WWE Universe.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Curtis Axel takes the mic and says that his father, Mr. Perfect, won the Intercontinental Title in Texas. But despite that, he went on to become Mr. Perfect. As for Axel, he claims that he’s more perfect than perfect.
“Even more perfect than perfect.” Okay Cell
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
CM Punk runs out and attacks Curtis Axel.
Business Just Picked Up! Hit R-Truth Too, For Good Measure!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
CM Punk goes for Paul Heyman and almost gets him.
Curtis Axel tries to stop CM Punk, but Punk takes him out while Paul Heyman runs away.
Just laughed out loud at Heyman desperately escaping from Punk’s grasp. #RAW
— Stacey (@LittleSherbie) July 30, 2013
Technically R-Truth lost.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Winner: Curtis Axel (via DQ)
Backstage: Triple H asks Mr. McMahon if he’s done “jerking Daniel Bryan around” and McMahon responds that he’s using reverse psychology on Daniel Bryan and maybe he actually wants Daniel Bryan to be WWE Champion. Triple H calls McMahon out on not being able to say that with a straight face then says he thinks Bryan can beat Cena. Mr. McMahon says he doesn’t want Bryan to beat Cena. He wants someone like Triple H to beat John Cena…only 23 years younger.
“I Want Someone Like You But 23 Years Younger.” Shockingly, That’s Only the Second Worse Thing a Wrestler’s Been Told On their Birthday.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Stephanie McMahon interrupts with an idea. Stephanie thinks Daniel Bryan needs a little bit of help and thinks they should give Daniel Bryan a Corporate Makeover. Mr. McMahon tells her Good Luck with That then walks off. Triple H says it’s worth a shot..
Corporate Makeovers didn’t work for Stone Cold and Mankind. They won’t work for Daniel Bryan.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Match 10: John Cena vs. Ryback (Tables Match)
Jeremy: Why are there so many tables?! Me: So Ryback doesn’t get confused.
— Diego Violence (@Miss_Dani_Baby) July 30, 2013
John Cena flat out ignores his BFF, Stu The Cameraman. This breakup is just as tough as CM Punk and Paul Heyman’s breakup.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
Ryback breaks the TABLE…by breaking it on the ringpost.
The Ryback! That’s NOT How This Works? Seriously, Has NO ONE Told The Ryback The Rules for a Table Match?!?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Seriously, Ryback. Watch ONE Tables Match. Watch from from #WWE13 for all I care. Just LEARN THE RULES OF A TABLES MATCH!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
To Be Fair, The Ryback Didn’t Know the Rules to An Ambulance Match. Maybe the Only Rules He Knows are Ryback Rules.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Ryback sounds like a chain-smoking grandmother who just banged her knee when he groans in pain. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
John Cena pulls out a table then tries to throw the table ON TOP of Ryback, but Ryback hides underneath the ring.
Did Cena just pull that table from under the ring? There is 20 tables in the aisle way all ready and setup!
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) July 30, 2013
John Cena and Ryback keep forgetting that this is a tables match. #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Wait. Does Cena Not Know the Rules to a Tables Match Either? Is That Why He Loses Most of Them?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Hornswoggle better not come out from under the ring
— Diego Violence (@Miss_Dani_Baby) July 30, 2013
It’s 11 pm and Cole just informed us that this is Monday Night #Raw. Otherwise I would’ve thought this ep of CSI was REALLY dragging. #WWE
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
John Cena and Ryback each pick up Steel Steps.
Dueling Steel Steps? There’s Too Much Muscle In This Match.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
John Cena and Ryback throw the Steel Steps at each other.
Well that was disappointing
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Who booked this match? The AI from #WWE13? They’re doing everything BUT trying to win the tables match.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
John Cena throws Ryback through the table with an AA.
Surprised Cena Didn’t Give The Ryback an Attitude Adjustment Off the Ring Post, Onto The Steel Steps, Into the Table. #NothingButTable
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) July 30, 2013
Winner: John Cena
Cena wins. Tuna ear Man has been avenged. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
Post-Match, Daniel Bryan comes out doing the “YES!” Chant. Bryan grabs the WWE Title then gets in the ring with it.
Pretend you’re gonna hug him then give him the World’s Strongest Slam, DB! #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) July 30, 2013
Daniel Bryan almost hands the title to John Cena, but Bryan pulls it away.
Bryan was all like SIKE! THATS THE WRONG NUMBER! to Cena.
— Tom (@TomQWood) July 30, 2013
Bryan: *Hands Cena the belt* Cena: *Reaches for the belt* Bryan: *Pulls it away* Ohhh! You almost had it! Gotta be quicker than that!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) July 30, 2013
John Cena snatches the title back from Daniel Bryan. Bryan starts doing the “YES!” Chant.
I like this Cena/Bryan feud. Im getting the Warrior/Hogan feud vibes from it. #wwe #raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013
So That Happened:
That Raw was silly.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) July 30, 2013
Average #RAW, not terrible. Only salvaged of course by Daniel Bryan. Aside from WWE title & Best vs Beast, not feeling much consistency.
— Stacey (@LittleSherbie) July 30, 2013
The Miz was not on #Raw. Show was a 10/10 #wwe
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) July 30, 2013