RAW starts off with a familiar sound…
*GONG*
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) March 5, 2013
Undertaker’s showing up tonight. The bad news is, it’s Brian Lee. #WWE Old School #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
The Undertaker actually shows up!
OH SHIT.
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
HOLY SHIT!
— Angélica Andrade(@angie_chipz) March 5, 2013
Oh hey, My BFF Taker.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
The Undertaker signals that he’s ready for Wrestlemania
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND I’M HYPED. #RAW
— D. O’Brien (@Heinekenrana) March 5, 2013
You wanna take that reply back bruh? lol @keepitfivestar
— Jonathan Rosado (@jmrosad) March 5, 2013
Apparently Undertaker has been spending his paychecks at Hot Topic again. Hello the 90s.
— Kara (@karaadora) March 5, 2013
As happy as I am to see The Undertaker, is anyone else a little disappointed that he didn’t come out with gray gloves for Old School RAW?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
RAW does an old school opening. After a trip down memory lane, CM Punk’s music hits and he comes down to the ring.
CM Punk comes out with Paul Heyman. Paul Heyman’s wearing a Paul E. Dangerously like suit.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
The piss shirt is back!
— darth vader ◠‿◠✿(@RitaHepburn) March 5, 2013
Who else is missing the gargantuan cell phone in Paul’s grasp?
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
CM Punk says that he should be Main Eventing and defending his WWE Championship at this year’s Wrestlemania but he’s not. Punk blames the WWE Universe for the reason why he is not WWE Champion or Main Eventing Wrestlemania. Punk claims the WWE Universe screwed him and themselves because if he can’t be in the Main Event of Wrestlemania, there’s no point in him being at Wrestlemania.
I didn’t screw you, Punk. I’d remember.
— Kara (@karaadora) March 5, 2013
CM Punk says that what the world just saw gives him a purpose. The WWE Universe took from him, so he’s going to take from the Universe. Punk announces he’s going to take the streak from The Undertaker. Punk criticizes the WWE Universe for mocking his 434 Days but loving The Undertaker’s 20-0 streak. Punk ssays he has a new number for us: 20-1. The 1 is drug free, alcohol free, straight edge and the Best In The World and he is CM Punk. Punk says at Wrestlemania he beats the streak and tells the WWE Universe to deal with it.
Well there you go.
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
CM Punk is interrupted by Randy Orton. Orton tells Punk not to be so confident since he’s beaten Punk at Wrestlemania before. Orton mentions how close he came to beating The Undertaker 8 years ago at Wrestlemania. Orton says he’s no longer a rookie and asks the Universe who should face The Undertaker: CM Punk or Randy Orton.
Oh come Orton, you’ve been down this road. Taker kicked your ass and took your nickname. He took your nickname, son!!!
— Linda M (@MsSuperVillain) March 5, 2013
I swear to god if they leave it up to the Universe I’m going to punch Vince with my psychic powers.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
CM Punk and Randy Orton are interrupted by The Big Show.
#BigShowRuinsThings
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Not a true Old School Raw: Big Show is still bald.
— Gentleman Tom (@TomQWood) March 5, 2013
Big Show reminds us of his loss to The Undertaker at Wrestlemania, but says back then he didn’t have “this” and shows his fists.
Show, you’ve always had fists.
— Linda M (@MsSuperVillain) March 5, 2013
Big Show says in order to break the streak, you need to be more than a Viper or Straight Edge, You need to be a giant. Big Show claims he’s going to knock the Undertaker’s 20-0 streak right into oblivion. and this giant is going to knock The Undertaker’s streak right into oblivion.
I’d rather have Mae Young v Taker than Orton or Big Show involved in this.
— Kara (@karaadora) March 5, 2013
Sheamus interrupts the three of them out and states his claim to face The Undertaker saying he’s never faced The Undertaker before and that it’s going to take more than a Big Fist, a GTS or an to take down The Undertaker. Sheamus thinks maybe a Big Boot, a lot of heart and the luck of the Irish will be able to do the trick.
By this logic I’ve never faced Taker, so put me in coach, I’m ready to play. #OldSchoolRaw
— D. O’Brien (@Heinekenrana) March 5, 2013
Is Justin Gabriel gonna come out next and lay down the challenge?
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) March 5, 2013
Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that the person who beats The Undertaker at Wrestlemania and breaks the streak will cement their name as the greatest of all time. Vickie makes a Fatal-4-Way Match with CM Punk, Randy Orton, Big Show and Sheamus to determine who gets the opportunity to face The Undertaker at Wrestlemania!
Sheamus has like 7 storylines. He’s feuding with The Shield, Wade Barrett, The Undertaker, 3MB, Zangeif, Lita, Some kid on Twitter. Pick one
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Match 01: Antonio Cesaro vs. Ryback
Cesaro has a new shirt? *purchased*
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
Antonio Cesaro Pre-Tape Promo:
Shortly after Cesaro finished that sentence, Poland fell. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
Back to the Match!
@keepitfivestar FEED. ME. COOOOOORRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNN!
— Mr. Kevin Sullivan (@Sullivan_Smith) March 5, 2013
BOWTIE REF! #OldSchoolRaw
— D. O’Brien (@Heinekenrana) March 5, 2013
Cesaro’s old-school straight-ahead style, in which he keeps trying to win the match. Unorthodox! #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
Winner: Ryback
booo
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
Oh Cesaro…you tried.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Post-Match, Mark Henry and Ryback stare down.
BEAT EM UP BEAT EM UP BREAK HIS NECK BREAK HIS NECK
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
Mark Henry just looked at Ryback like “pfft…white people.”
— billiondollarbaby♡ (@jinxi138) March 5, 2013
Ryback vs. Mark Henry. The storyline is Ryback’s insatiable appetite leaves less food for Mark Henry in catering. Henry is pissed.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Match 02: Mark Henry vs. Zack Ryder
Ryder you made it on Old School Raw. Now shut up.
— Linda M (@MsSuperVillain) March 5, 2013
Winner: Mark Henry
Hey Zack Ryder good to see yo-Oh. Well goodbye.
— billiondollarbaby♡ (@jinxi138) March 5, 2013
Ryder loses. THAT’S WHAT HE DOES. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
Zack Ryder should’ve just climbed into Mark Henry’s arms as soon he got into the ring. That’s kinda basically what happened.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
Glad to see Zack Ryder upholding the Old School RAW tradition of enhancement talent. Duane Gill and Jeff Hardy (Circa 1994) would be proud.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Match 03: The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler
Well hello there AJ. Look fine and sexified.
— Linda M (@MsSuperVillain) March 5, 2013
The Miz takes the mic, which wasn’t working, and says that since the WWE is personifying old school, allow him to introduce The Nature Boy, Ric Flair!
Hoping for Ric Flair to turn on The Miz and side with Dolph Ziggler.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
I hope Dolph looks at Ric and goes ” …. DAD?”
— Chris Riddle (@ChrisRiddle) March 5, 2013
Back to the Match!
Ric Flair: Hey baby! What are you into?AJ Lee: Pokemon. Gotta catch em all!Ric Flair: Pokemon? What is that? An STD? #AgeGap
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Big E. Langston interferes. Ric Flair throws his sports coat on Big E. Langston
SPORTS COAT VIOLENCE! #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
The Miz hits the Figure-Four on Dolph Ziggler
MIZ FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT! That was his something borrowed and old.
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
Winner: The Miz
The Miz and his crazy high school Science Teacher, Mr. Fargis win the match!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Post-Match, The Miz and Ric Flair celebrate.
WHY IS RIC FLAIR HAPPY? You just screwed over your son.
— Timothy Sillery (@ArmandoPayne) March 5, 2013
Somebody’s gonna make a gif of Flair air-humping the ropes, right?
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) March 5, 2013
The Rock vs. John Cena: Point Counter Point
Cena, Point: “POOP!Rock, Counterpoint: “KUNG PAO POOP!” Repeat. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
The Rock makes his entrance.
Was hoping for The Rock to show up as Rocky Maivia. Big Teeth. Goofy Smile. Doing that fists shaking hulk up thing that all faces do.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
The Rock? At 9? *wipes eyes*. Check you out! Showin’ up all timely. You go boy!
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
Glad The Rock showed up only 56 minutes late to work instead of 2 Hours and 56 minutes late.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
The Rock tells us about his trip to Panama and how warm it is, then tells us about packing for Buffalo and arguing about not bringing a jacket. The Rock continues his weather report by telling us how cold it is in Buffalo then segues into hi “FINALLY!” bit.
Uh-oh, The rock’s talking about the weather. At least it isn’t a cracky tale.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
The Rock: Wrestler, Movie Star, Weatherman.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) March 5, 2013
“The Rock doesn’t need a jacket! The Rock’s got electricity running through him.” You’re not Storm, Dwayne! Put on a jacket!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
I went to go and take cookies out of the oven. I come back and Rock is talking about jackets. What.
— Kara (@karaadora) March 5, 2013
Beth Phoenix finally came back to Buffalo. You don’t see her making a big deal about it, Dwayne.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
The Rock begins to hype Wrestlemania, but he’s interrupted by John Cena.
John Cena tells his BFF, Stu The Cameraman, “This should be good.” Stu The Cameraman says, he’s seen this feud already & wants something new
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Cena not in the old school spirit either. Then again to Cena’s credit, he needs an Old School Smackdown. #NotGonnaHappen
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
John Cena apologizes for interrupting and says that he’s waited for this moment for a year and The Rock doesn’t know why because he’s “Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.” Cena puts over that The Rock’s conquered the WWE, Hollywood and WWE again, and says that the Rock doesn’t know what it feels like to tell the world that you have to do something and fail. Cena reminds everyone about his Wrestlemania promise and failure. John Cena tells The Rock that a failed promise like that makes you feel worthless as loud “Cena Sucks” chants break out.
“You haven’t failed at anything at life” Cena, The Rock made, Doom. Argument Invaild. #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
The Rock never failed at anything? He’s been in some baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad movies.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
The Rock knows what it is to feel worthless. Remember Rocky Mavia? That hurt made “The Rock” #dierockydie
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
John Cena said this moment sent his life into a tailspin, professionally and personally then blames The Rock for his collapse and says he’s responsible for Cena’s turn around. John Cena says there’s no coincidence that the night The Rock became WWE Champion, that he was able to win the Royal Rumble, and finally defeat CM Punk.
Uh-oh. John Cena’s admitting that wrestling’s fake.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Is Cena’s forehead getting larger or is his face shrinking? He’s one head-shave away from being Gus from Mission Hill. #OldSchoolRaw
— D. O’Brien (@Heinekenrana) March 5, 2013
John Cena but says that most people don’t even get one chance and now that he’s got a second chance, he’s giving Rock a 34 day notice that he’s not throwing this chance away. The Rock says he’s happy to see the fire and desire in John Cena and he says that he wanted to face John Cena at Wrestlemania. Rock says that he knows what this match means to Cena and that’s why no one has Cena’s passion, drive, fire and will to win except The Rock. The Rock says that he connects with everyone all over the world and in 34 days, John Cena isn’t getting redemption, he’s getting his ass kicked.
Cena watched that Simpson’s episode and had an eye opening moment.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
John Cena says he’d like to step back and quote one of the great philosophers of this era, Mike Tyson. Cena makes an “Eat his children” joke, then says “In order to be the greatest that ever lived, you have to beat everyone living.” Cena says he’s accomplished every single goal except for beating The Rock. Cena says at Wrestlemania 29, Rock’s time is up, but his time is now.
So Cena is going to bite Rock’s ear off to win at WrestleMania? #ChannelingTyson #OldSchoolRaw
— Tyler Edwards (@Und3rAverageJoe) March 5, 2013
I really think John Cena JUST learned the lyrics to his theme song because he keeps saying it.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
I want Cena to tell me who the franchise is and why they’re shining now.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
Someone remind John Cena it’s been “his time” for like 8 years now. #OldSchoolRaw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) March 5, 2013
The Rock says his time isn’t up but his time his just getting started. The Rock counters with a quote, “Winning is about heart. You just gotta have it in the right place.” The Rock said that was from Lance Armstrong, he was full of crap and so is John Cena.
Dueling motivational quotes! Take all my money now, fellas! #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
I honestly thought the rock was gonna quote himself.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
It took about two months, but The Rock got a good line in.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
@karaadora Haha so he’s pretty much only been at one RAW or PPV.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
John Cena compliments The Rock’s line but says that he makes history and in 34 days, he will become the WWE Champion. The Rock says that Cena just crystallized everything that if The Rock and John Cena. The Rock says that’s the biggest difference between The Rock and John Cena: Cena thinks he can beat him, Rock knows he can beat him and The Rock will beat him again. If you smell, what The Rock is cookin.
You’re Not Re-Writing History, John Cena. Wrestlemania 28 Still Happened. You Still Lost.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
See what happens when you come in to work relatively on time, Rock? You drop good lines.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
@yourboydrew They didn’t have the ball to do it.
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
Match 04: Jack Swagger vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
SO MUCH AMERICA!!!!!! #USAUSAUSA #OldSchoolRaw
— Tyler Edwards (@Und3rAverageJoe) March 5, 2013
It’s not an Old School RAW without the trio of Duggan, Dusty and Slaughter.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
YO, did you see that? Hacksaw almost knocked Sargent Slaughter out with that 2×4.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
Jack Swagger attacks the legends with Hacksaw’s 2×4!
Jack Swagger Is Trying to Steal Their Real American Essence So He Can Become Super Swagger By Wrestlemania (Super Swagger Has No Lisp)
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Jack Swagger hits the ankle lock on Hacksaw!
“I would’ve come out to help, but I was a fan of El Matador Tito Santanaaaaa!” – Alberto Del Rio
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Swagger and Colter might hate Mexicans, but at least they never sympathized with Iraq?
— Gentleman Tom (@TomQWood) March 5, 2013
Match 05: Daniel Bryan and Kane vs. The Prime Time Players (with Ted DiBiase)
Ted DiBiase managing the Prime Time Players? DiBiase can’t pass up the opportunity of getting TWO Virgil’s force the price of one!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
A “We Want Virgil” Chants break out:
Crowd: “We Want Virgil! We Want Virgil” Trust Me, You Don’t …
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Virgil probably at the Soup Kitchen somewhere selling his 8 X 10s #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
The saddest thing here? DiBiase Jr. is grilling in the parking lot.
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
“I’ll be in your corner.” – Ted DiBiase Sr.”What about me, Dad?” – Ted Jr.”What are we gonna do? Grill burgers? You disgust me!” – Ted Sr.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Winners: Daniel Bryan and Kane
Post-Match, the Million Dollar Man puts a $100 bill in Darren Young’s mouth
Classic #MillionDollarMan
— Angélica Andrade(@angie_chipz) March 5, 2013
My favorite heel. GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
Look on the bright side, Darren Young. You’re 100 dollars richer
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Daniel Bryan comes back and steals the money!
…Or not.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
The economy is pretty bad… Get that dollar, D-Bryan!
— Angélica Andrade(@angie_chipz) March 5, 2013
If the Prime Time Players are pulling duty here then I’m guessing The Colons are jobbing to The Outlaws.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) March 5, 2013
I Kinda Want Daniel Bryan to Shave His Beard. Just So They Can’t Make Anymore Goat Jokes.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Backstage: Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter are proud of what they did to the Legends. Josh Mathews asks why he would do such a thing, but Jack Swagger gets attacked by Alberto Del Rio. The two get separated by security.
Alberto Del Rio’s Mad That Jack Swagger Attacked Sgt. Slaughter BEFORE The Sarge Signed His Vintage G.I. Joe Action Figure.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Match 06: Brodus Clay and Tensai vs. The Three Man Band
Man. Where’s Flash Funk?
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
Aw Man! I Was Hoping Tensai Would’ve Been “Lord Tensai” or “Giant Bernard” or “A-Train” or “Albert” for Old School RAW.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Brodus Clay and Tensai walk out looking like Ben Stiller in The Royal Tenenbaums
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
The Honky Tonk Man makes an appearance, but Heath Slater interrupts him and kicks him out of the ring.
Heath Slater, didn’t you learn ANYTHING from your feud with the Legends? You’re not gonna win this one, bro.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Elvis Impersonator! How Dare You, Heath! The Honky Tonk Man Is a Top Rate Wayne Newton Impersonator! Top Rate!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
BRING OUT ROCKABILLY!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Winner: Brodus Clay and Tensai
Post-Match, The Honky Tonk Man dances with Brodus Clay and Tensai. Heath Slater interrupts but gets hit with a guitar.
Special guest appearance by El Kabong. #OldSchoolRaw
— D. O’Brien (@Heinekenrana) March 5, 2013
There it is, folks. Honky Tonk Man is the leader of Aces & Eights. #WWE #Raw #TNA
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
Is It Weird That Tensai’s New Tights Fit As Snugly As His Old Lingerie Did?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
I wanna see Naomi and Cam’ron twerk to The Honky Tonk Man’s theme.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Match 07: Kofi Kingston vs. Fandango
YES! #FANDANGOTIME #FANDANGOMONDAY #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
OH NO KOFI!!!!
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
FANDANGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
Pronounced Fawn-Dawn-Go. Boy, I’ve been saying that all wrong.
— Linda M (@MsSuperVillain) March 5, 2013
Fandango tries to get Justin Roberts to say his name right.
Johnny Curtis is a damn genius.. Vince probably thinks Fandango is a clever name, Johnny is probably getting free movie tickets. #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
@yourboydrew even stole his and Melina’s entrance pose.
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
I feel like this would be a perfect chance for Finkel to come out
— Chris Riddle (@ChrisRiddle) March 5, 2013
Fandango refuses to wrestle until Justin Roberts gets his name right.
Fandango is a shoutout to those kids in school who never got their name right.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
I wish Fandango came out with Emma. Now that girl knows how to dance!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Seriously, I LOVE This FAN-DAN-GO Bit. It’s Hilarious.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
That’s technically a win for Kofi right?
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
Winner: Kofi Kingston?
Triple H addresses Brock Lesnar:
Triple H has a new short haired tron… You know with all his clips…. From last week.
— Chris Riddle (@ChrisRiddle) March 5, 2013
Damn he looks like a man having a mid life crisis who happens to be a big Triple H fan.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
In Triple Haitch mood lighting, he looks normal.. Then the lights come on then you’re like..Oh..#RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
With That Lighting, I Thought Trips Was Wearing a Jabbawockeez Mask for a Second In His Entrance.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Disappointed Triple H didn’t come out to “My Time” or better yet, this Triple H theme song classic: youtube.com/watch?v=pcF3j9…
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
I Wanted Triple H to Come Out To My Time … The One That Edge and Christian Played on Kazoos. #ReekingofAwesomeness
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Triple H reminds us of Brock Lesnar breaking his arm and his “retirement” speech and says he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince the WWE Universe or him. Triple H tells us once his cast was off, he was back in the gym training every day, but with no goal in mind. Triple H says even though he cut his hair and continued his “jaydob,” he ended up being in the best shape of his life and was just waiting for a reason.
Dude! We ALL Thought This Was Done After SummerSlam. What Were the TWO Standing Ovations For Then?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
@tomqwood Ironman. Businessman is the day job, superhero is the when needed/when I feel like it job.
— Zombie Moxley (@BadassMaknae) March 5, 2013
You Know. When Samson Cut His Hair, His Strength Was Depleted. Just Saying, Triple H #TakeTheHint
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Triple H tells us about the day Mr. McMahon had hip surgery. Triple H says he put aside the fact that Mr. McMahon created the WWE, that his wife, Stephanie and his kids were crying because on the inside he was smiling because he finally found his reason and all he needed was an opportunity. Triple H found his opportunity when that “crazy ass old man” challenged Paul Heyman to a fight, because he knew Heyman would bring out Brock Lesnar.
Triple H calls Vince Daddy, I just know it.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
Triple H tells Brock Lesnar that if he thinks they were done at Summerslam, touch his 12 staples because he’s just getting started. Triple H says there’s 5 weeks till “The Big Dance (Wrestlemania)” and calls out Brock Lesnar. Triple H wants to finish this at Wrestlemania and says The Asskicker, The King Of Kings, The Game is back. Triple H asks Invisible Brock Lesnar if he’s going to show up and fight? Or sit there and bleed?
Triple H is the King of Kings but he’s not the Kenny Kang of Kaaangs! #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
“The Ass-Kicker Is Back!” We Know, Hunter. The Undertaker Showed Up At the Start of RAW.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
HHH should’ve just kicked Lesnar in the intestines #GameOver
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) March 5, 2013
The Shield Video Promo:
The Shield talks about The Undertaker and trying to make history by facing The Deadman and reminds everyone they’re undefeated. The Shield calls out The Big Show for knocking out Roman Reigns, but claims it will never happen again. The Shield wishes the Superstars good luck in their match tonight and says no one can beat theme.
I’m pretty sure that the Shield can afford a tripod at this point.
— Gentleman Tom (@TomQWood) March 5, 2013
Why is Seth Rollins all up in Dean Ambrose’s face? He’s taking these Tumblr ships too seriously.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Big Show joins The Shield; his way of apologizing for what he did to their dad, The Big Boss Man
— Luke Starr (@over_as_hell) March 5, 2013
Match 08: Alberto Del Rio vs. Wade Barrett
ALBERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) March 5, 2013
DEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOO
— darth vader ◠‿◠✿(@RitaHepburn) March 5, 2013
Del Rio and Wade Barrett Are Nailing These Kicks on Each Other!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Alberto Del Rousey over here.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Post-Match, Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger have a staredown.
Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger do a pre-recorded promo on Political Correctness:
Every camera shot on RAW should start off zoomed in on Zeb Colter’s beard and mustache.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Match 09: The New Age Outlaws vs. Primo and Epico:
Every time I hear the edited version of the Road Dogg’s opening, I die a little inside.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Omg, Billy Gun’s hair.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
It Looks Like The Only Thing Billy Gunn Learned From the Movie The Wrestler is How to Cut His Hair.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
The New Age Outlaws do their bit, but Road Dogg modifies it by making a Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis “Thrift Shop” reference.
Wait. Is The Road Dogg the Inspiration for Macklemore?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
The colons! Called it.
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) March 5, 2013
Epico and Primo might the tag team version of Kofi.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
You know, the right thing to do would be to put over the young talent Primo and Epico. But it’s not gonna happen 😦
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Winner: The New Age Outlaws
Wow the New Age Outlaws haven’t lost a beat. They’re better than most of the tag division still. #OldSchoolRaw
— Tyler Edwards (@Und3rAverageJoe) March 5, 2013
#WasteofPrimoAndEpico
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
I kinda wanna see Road Dogg do a verse on the Thrift Shop song. Just throwin’ that out there.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to join the WWE Superstars in wishing Mae Young a Happy Birthday:
Gene Mean! #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
Drippin’ all over the cake. RT @keepitfivestar Bo Dallas GET YOUR ASS IN THE BACK!
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
I hope Henry gets that cake cake cake cake…
— Angélica Andrade(@angie_chipz) March 5, 2013
Bo Dallas is Melt Man from Action League Now.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
CM Punk interrupts Mae Young’s birthday celebration:
OMG GREATEST HEEL HEAT EVER
— Chris Riddle (@ChrisRiddle) March 5, 2013
You guys should know better than to do a birthday party when CM Punk is around.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
This Isn’t The First Time CM Punk’s Interrupted a Birthday Party… #HappyBirthdayToTheGround
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Michael McGillicutty is the only person celebrating CM Punk’s actions:
Match 10: CM Punk vs. Randy Orton vs. Big Show vs. Sheamus (Winner faces The Undertaker)
Big Show’s Coming Out. That Cake Better Be Gone!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
@yourboydrew IT’S NOT AN IRISHMAN, IT’S JUST A CHICKEN!!!
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
So this is what The Streak has come to…
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) March 5, 2013
CM Punk’s The Best. That Quick Reaction After Backing Into the Big Show was Perfect.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Punk is CLEARLY the star of this match.
— Henry ‘Hank’ McCoy (@Osito1034) March 5, 2013
Big Show Wasn’t Taking a Nap? I Thought He Sugar Crashed After Eating Mae Young’s Cake.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
The Roommate on Randy Orton: “What do they call him? The Lizard?”
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) March 5, 2013
I can’t decide if Big Show’s camo tights mean he’s for or against Jack Swagger. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) March 5, 2013
Sheamus Brogue Kicks Big Show. Randy Orton RKO’s Sheamus. CM Punk kicks Randy Orton in the head and hits the GTS for the win!
Winner: CM Punk
Punk wins! ❤
— darth vader ◠‿◠✿(@RitaHepburn) March 5, 2013
CM Punk you are brilliant!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
This Makes The Streak The Equivalent of a Championship Title, Huh? Makes Sense.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
The Undertaker’s theme plays and he shows up for the 2nd time tonight.
Imagine If The Undertaker Came Out With Frosting On His Face Right Now …
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
The Undertaker and CM Punk stare down.
And now CM Punk has to face Shao Khan…
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
Taker is coming out to let CM Punk know he’s accepting his hand at the wrestlmania dance.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013
Has Taker got a corsage for Punk? Be a gentleman towards your Mania date, Taker.
— Kara (@karaadora) March 5, 2013
The Undertaker to CM Punk: “You Ever Dance With the Devil In the Pale Moonlight?” #OldSchool
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) March 5, 2013
Fun Fact: The Undertaker makes that same face when Michelle McCool forces him to watch Shahs of Sunset.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) March 5, 2013
So That Happened:
I approve of the Punkertaker match #RAW
— Meme Gene Okerlund(@WellYoureWrong) March 5, 2013
Seriously though, CM Punk vs Taker! That’s AMAZING. Excited for that. (He better not take is streak though! lol)
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) March 5, 2013