So That Happened: 01/21/13

RAW starts off with an MLK Tribute Video. We have a video of our own.

Vickie Guerrero comes out arm in arm with Paul Heyman. Vickie says that it is her job to make sure the WWE Universe has a good time at her show. Vickie calls herself a leader and says leaders always do the right thing but not the popular thing, especially when it comes to The Rock.

Paul Heyman introduces himself and says he’s out here this evening in a show of unity with Vickie Guerrero. Heyman talks about The Rock defaming Heyman and Vickie’s characters last week. Heyman and Vickie show the footage of The Rock Concert last week then insults the WWE Universe for enjoying it.

Vickie Guerrero says that The Rock will not be insulting them tonight because he is banned from the arena. If The Rock tries to enter the building, he’ll be arrested.

Scotty The Segment Producer comes out and tells Vickie Guerrero that The Rock is here. The security guards tell The Rock that he can’t get in.

The Rock tells the Security Guards that there is no force stopping him from entering the arena tonight. Security tells him that if he tries, he’ll be arrested. The Rock says before you arrest him, he should arrest CM Punk for impersonating a woman (No testicles), Paul Heyman for not wearing a bra, but not Vickie Guerrero. Rock says to ask Vickie about her intestines because if she thinks The Rock’s not getting into the arena, she has her head clearly stuck up her ass. He also uses the term “Stink Pinkles.”

The Rock says that it’s not a matter of if The Rock enters the arena. It’s a matter of when. Vickie Guerrero yells at the WWE Universe for finding The Rock’s insults funny. Vickie says if The Rock enters the arena, the only song he’s going to sing tonight is “Jailhouse Rock.” Vickie Guerrero mocks The Rock by doing her own rendition of “If Ya Smell What The Rock is cookin.”

Beat The Clock Challenge is announced tonight. The winner chooses their Rumble number.

Match 01: Antonio Cesaro vs. Randy Orton (Beat The Clock Challenge)

Antonio Cesaro slides in the ring and glances back at the clock.

Randy Orton catches him with an RKO.

Winner: Randy Orton

Time To Beat: 11:36

Mick Foley’s Hall Of Fame Inductee Video:

The Shield Promo Package:

Match 02: Big Show vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Brad #HeartthrobRef Maddox on commentary)

Winner: Big Show 

Big Show says that he’s going to give us a preview of this Sunday’s Last Man Standing Match with Alberto Del Rio.

Big Show puts his foot on Zack Ryder’s chest then proceeds to count to 5.

Big Show gets angry at the “What?” chants then walks out.

Backstage: Paul Heyman is on the phone telling the person that there’s no way The Rock is getting into the arena tonight. Heyman is interrupted by Brad “Heartthrob Ref” Maddox filming his show. HTR reminds Heyman that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to have a job. Heyman tells HTR that he admires his initiative, and has a big enough heart to admit when he’s wrong and that if HTR sticks with Paul Heyman he’ll make sure they come true. The two shake hands as HTR ends the segment by saying “Back to you in the studios.”

Match 03: Ryback vs. Heath Slater

Winner: Ryback

Ryback takes the mic and says this Sunday is his first Royal Rumble match and that it’s a match he is made for and will thrive on. Ryback says the Rumble is a match that will lead him to the Main Event of Wrestlemania.

Backstage: The Rock continues to try and get into the arena.

The Rock says the Security Guards aren’t here to protect and serve Vickie Guerrero. They’re here to protect and serve The People. Rock tries to describe the electricity of the arena tonight. The Security Guard agrees with The Rock and says his wife and kid are out there right now, but he still has his ticket.

Vickie Guerrero shows up and tells security to get arrest The Rock for causing a disturbance. Security says that Rock’s not breaking any laws as long as he’s out here. Vickie tells The Rock that CM Punk will be out to address the people, and she’ll lift the band only if The Rock apologizes to her. The Rock asks Vickie if he wants her to apologize and Vickie says….

Rather than apologize, The Rock says he’ll get in the arena on his own terms and that Vickie Guerrero still looks horrible tonight. Vickie Guerrero storms off angrily as The Rock tells security that he has an idea.

CM Punk Addresses The People: CM Punk comes out to the ring then says he holds the WWE Championship closer to his heart than most men hold their own families. Punk says for 428 days, he’s proven that he’s the man, but he worked half his life to attain the WWE Championship. Punk tells the crowd that he refuses to let The Rock or any man to take it from him.

CM Punk says The Rock is here to sing songs and entertain, while he’s here to entertain and be the champion. Punk says he will not allow The Rock to leave as WWE Champion because the championship tis important and prestigious to him because he made it prestigious. CM Punk says that “The People” are prestigious to The Rock and that’s the most meaningless thing imaginable. Punk says Rock is proud to be The People’s Champion almost as proud as Punk is to be a real champion.

CM Punk says he’s looked into The Rock’s eyes, saw all the way down to his soul and sees why he’s so proud to be The People’s Champion. It’s because The Rock can’t be the WWE Champion. Punk said a long time ago, he had a choice between hypocrisy and honest arrogance. Punk chose honest arrogance while The Rock foolishly chose the people. Punk says you can call The Rock “Electrifying,” “The Brahma Bull,” and “The Great One” but what you can’t call him is “Champion.” CM Punk says he’s earned the right to be called “Champion.”

CM Punk tells The Rock that in 6 days, he’s on a collision course with CM Puk, so he wants The Rock to enjoy being the People’s Champion for 6 more days. Punk says he’s unlike The Rock because unlike The Rock, he realized long ago that the people don’t matter. Punk says in 6 days, it doesn’t matter if he smells what The Rock is cookin’. All that matters is that what the people can’t give Rock, the WWE Championship. Punk ends the promo by saying the title will remain around the waist of the Undisputed WWE Champion, CM Punk.

Match 04: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz (Beat The Clock Challenge)

Big E. Langston shoves The Miz.

The Miz locks in “The Figure-Four” on Dolph Ziggler, but AJ Lee distracts the ref while Big E. Langston helps Dolph reach the ropes.

The Miz is distracted by Big E. Langston long enough for Dolph Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler 

Time To Beat: 10:56 Seconds

Daniel Bryan and Kane’s Anger Management Graduation Ceremony:

Dr. Marian Shelby welcomes the WWE Universe to the Anger Management Graduation Ceremony. Shelby says he’s so proud of Daniel Bryan and Kane, then brings them out. Daniel Bryan and Kane reluctantly come out wearing cap and gowns.

Dr. Shelby compliments Daniel Bryan and Kane on their growth, saying that when Kane first started, he was a maniacal mask wearing monster that preferred hurting to hugging. While Daniel Bryan was a tightly wound little man-child that would snap if anyone said anything about Bryan’s goat face or that his beard looked like a hotel for rats.

Dr. Shelby says Daniel Bryan and Kane are ready to graduate. Shelby tuns their tassels to the left, then tells Team Hell No that as a final exercise, he is going to let them choose who they think should be the valedictorian. Of course, Daniel Bryan and Kane argue with each other until a Dr. Shelby breaks it up. A loud Dr. Shelby chant breaks out!

After the arguing, Dr. Shelby asks Daniel Bryan and Kane if a hug would make them feel better and they reluctantly agree. Shelby suggests what if everyone, everywhere hugged at the same time.

Kane asks if Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler will hug. Dr. Shelby says they’re going to hug, and Cole and Lawler hug. Daniel Bryan asks about Justin Roberts and Dr. Sampson and Dr. Shelby says they’re going to hug. Justin Roberts and Dr. Sampson hug. Daniel Bryan and Kane pick out fans and Dr. Shelby makes them hug.

Dr. Shelby says that everyone, everywhere will now hug then group hugs with Daniel Bryan and Kane.

Twitter Reacts To The Hugging:

Match 05: Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox

Kaitlyn hits the spear on Alicia Fox.

Winner: Kaitlyn

Backstage: Paul Heyman has a luxury skybox set up for CM Punk because he wants Punk to see Heyman’s personal message to The Rock. It’s not a “Pipebomb” but a “PaulBomb.”

Paul Heyman’s “Paulbomb”

Paul Heyman says this Paulbomb is for CM Punk. CM Punk is shown in the skybox.

Paul Heyman says he’s not only the Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless, but he’s also CM Punk’s friend, advocate, strategist and advisor. Heyman says he noticed that CM Punk’s previous message to the WWE Universe went over everyone’s heads, so as a service to CM Punk, Heyman will be Punk’s interpreter tonight.

Paul Heyman says that The Rock will not defeat CM Punk at the Royal Rumble. Heyman claims Vince McMahon is desperate for someone, anyone to defeat CM Punk for the WWE Championship and that The Rock is January’s “Flavor Of The Month.” Heyman says if The Rock is concentrating on insulting Paul Heyman, then he’s not concentrating on CM Punk. Heyman says that just like the people, The Rock is “STUUUUUUUUUPIDDDD.”

The Rock shows up through the regular entrance holding the security guard’s ticket.

The Rock takes the mic and thanks the San Jose Police Department for the ticket.

Paul Heyman tries to stop The Rock, but The Rock calls him “Twinkie Tits” then forces him to leave the ring. The Rock tells CM Punk that for 428 Days, Punk has been WWE Champion and that Punk has earned the right to call himself the Best In The World. However, it does not change the fact that tonight on RAW is Punk’s very last night on RAW as WWE Champion. Rock says Punk is obsessed with how The Rock is proud to entertain and be the People’s Champion.

The Rock says he’s waited 10 Long Years for this WWE Championship Match, and that he worked his ass off for 10 long years for this shot, The Rock has put his blood, sweat and respect into this opportunity.

The Rock says that just like Dr, Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, The Rock has a dream to go to the mountain top and go to the promise land one more time and become WWE Champion. The Rock says that he promises to beat CM Punk at the Royal Rumble for the WWE Title, and once that’s done, every man, woman and child, will say “Free At Last. Free At Last. Thank God Almighty! We Are Free At Last.” The Rock ends the MLK “tribute” with his “If Ya Smell” catchphrase.

The Lights go out then The Shield attacks The Rock

The Rock tries to fight back, but The Shield gets the upperhand. The Shield ends up hitting The Rock with the Triple Powerbomb.

CM Punk tells The Rock that on top of the mountain, there’s only room for one man. Punk says The Rock has to pay a price for his freedom and that it’s cute that Rock has a dream, but eventually he has to wake up for them. Punk says when Rock wakes up, he’s going to have to realize “The Great One” wasn’t great enough to beat “The Best In The World.”

MLK Video Tribute 2:

Courtesy of PSD-Dreams and the dream of all of us

Match 06: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett

Sheamus gets ready for the Brogue Kick but Dolph Ziggler, AJ Lee and Big. E. Langston run down to distract him. AJ gets in the ring and skips around.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Backstage: Dolph Ziggler gloats in front of Vickie Guerrero then makes out with AJ Lee then mocks the Eric Clapton song. Vickie Guerrero says that Dolph Ziggler doesn’t get to choose any number. He has to choose between number 1 and number 2.

Backstage: Paul Heyman and CM Punk are leaving. Mr. McMahon shows up and asks if they’re clever. Punk says that he has nothing to do with The Shield. McMahon says if The Shield gets involved in the match at the Royal Rumble, he will make sure to punish CM Punk. Paul Heyman tries to argue that The Shield interferes in other matches, but it doesn’t work. Mr. McMahon says if The Shield interferes, Punk will be stripped of the WWE Championship.

Match 07: Alberto Del Rio vs. Tensai

Alberto Del Rio hits a second rope Moonsualt!

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Post-match, Del Rio says he’s going to win the Last Man Standing Match. Del Rio says that the peole are going to count Big Show out in Spanish, then starts counting in Spanish.

The second inductee in the 2013 WWE Hall Of Fame is….

John Cena Addresses The WWE Universe:

John Cena takes the mic and puts over how lively the crowd is. Then John Cena proceeds to do a standup routine about Sundays. John Cena picks out a kid and talks about how the kid spends his Sunday playing videogames. Cena mentions that this is the kid that beats him in Call Of Duty: Black Ops II.

John Cena also says his username is Skidmark23 or something like that then talks about how he plays videogames, and eats Fruity Pebbles.

John Cena turns his attention to the ladies next. Cena makes a joke about a “Ladies Night,” including Facebook, Yoga, Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj and some guy she met last night, but the guy is a portly gentlemen.

John Cena targets the portly gent next making jokes about Jagerbombs, Blow Up Dolls, Judge Joe Brown, and another Penis Joke.

John Cena finally addresses The Royal Rumble and talks about how it will be an unpredictable, all-out war. Cena says this Sunday, the world will find out what he already knows: John Cena will win the Royal Rumble. Cena gets ready to leave but Sheamus’ theme plays.

Sheamus says Cena gave a very bizzare, passionate speech, but the winner of the Royal Rumble will be Sheamus. Sheamus is interrupted by the Prime Time Players.

Titus O’Neil questions Sheamus winning the Royal Rumble. Darren Young says the line of the night…

Randy Orton cuts them off and says that they’re looking at the man who is going to win The Royal Rumble. The Miz comes out next doing his “Really?” routine then says he’s going to win the Royal Rumble and Main Event Wrestlemania again because he’s “The Miz” And he’s…interrupted by Daniel Bryan and Kane.

Daniel Bryan and Kane talk about everyone arguing about the Royal Rumble match until they start arguing about the winner themselves. Antonio Cesaro comes out next and says they’re all wrong because he’s gonna win the Royal Rumble. Cesaro says he’s going to dedicate his victory to his home away from home, the United States Of America.

3MB comes out next and says they’re going to win the match next.

The Superstars come out from the back and a brawl erupts with Royal Rumble Participants…and others.

So That Happened:

Don’t forget about our Snapshots Caption Contest! The winner will receive a Fan Snapshot on our page AND these Vintage WWE Trading Cards!

Also, we are opening up the contest to Twitter! Enter by using the hashtag #3MBSnap and tell us your funniest caption for the photo. 

Contest ends Saturday, January 26th EST at 12:00 AM. Meaning you have till the end of Friday to enter. Can’t wait to see the results and Thank You for entering!

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