I Have ‘Til Five: Labor Day Superstars

 In I Have Til 5, 3MB will Pick a Topic and Discuss the 5 Finer Points of it

Labor Day is a day set aside to celebrate the social and economic contributions of workers. Wrestlers have certainly contributed to economy and social (media) but even still there’s a rarer category of wrestler: the double duty wrestler. Some Superstars have taken their original profession from the outside world into a wrestling ring, often with no time to change uniforms.

Image Courtesy of WWE.com

For example, Irwin R. Schyster barely had time to take off his glasses before a match, let alone his suspenders, ties and white button down t-shirt. In financial terms, these were liabilities: as distracting as his attire was to to his opponent, they were also easy ways to grab him, figuratively and literally stopping the IRS, a the delight of many fans. But taking the Taxman out of the cubicle won’t stop the tax tips from coming. Despite the tips, the unfortunate first name of Irwin, and his association with the most disliked government agency in existence, it’s remarkable that Irwin R. Schyster is a former 3-Time Tag Team Champion with, fittingly The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase.

There are several more choices. Check them out after the Jump

1. Duke “The Dumpster” Droese

Image Courtesy of WWE.com

The only thing you’d expect find in Mt. Trashmore, Florida is Majory the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock. But the WWF found Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, the garbage man hopped off the back of the garbage truck and straight to the ring, with garbage can in tow. The Sanitation Industry’s PR was in overdrive in the 90’s: They had Droese in the WWF and Roc, the Charles S. Dutton sitcom about a “Garbage Collector.” Neither Roc nor Droese lasted long but were memorable nonetheless: The Duke gave Hunter Hearst Helmsley (now Triple H, COO of the WWE) his first loss. Droese also defeated Hunter via disqualification at the 1996 Royal Rumble. The referees invoked the “Replay Rule,” a football condition, to catch Hunter’s cheating. Not too shabby, Trash Man.

2. Repo Man

Image Courtesy of Moonsault.de

Lets make one thing clear: Love him or Hate Him, his theme was awesome. Repo had the mannerisms to make you hate him: he wore a makeshift black mask that looks like it was cut from an old sweatshirt. It disguised nothing. He also crept around, like a rat and completed the similarities with a sniveling squeaky heckle of a laugh. Connor O’Brien should have been studying Repo’s tape. Repo Man is clearly a character that should have come back in recent years in one of two ways: he should have been the one taking away MVP’s entrance staging and pyrotechnics during that storyline. he should be the host of Spike TV’s Repo Games, leading into TNA Wrestling every week. Instead, all we get is Kane, ironically, repossessing Repo’s hook and Dakota Darsow.

3. T.L. Hopper

Image Courtesy of The Bleacher Report

If you thought The Garbage Man and the Repo Man were thankless jobs, then you missed the era of T.L. Hopper, the WWF’s plumber. Yep, a Plumber. Between a stained White Tank Top and Plumber’s Crack, there wasn’t much else that made you think “Plumber,” especially if you grew up with your mental image of a Plumber being a mustachioed Italian in overalls. Maybe that’s why the WWF gave him a plumber named Betsy that he would press over the faces of his defeated opponents. Maybe that’s why his the initials T.L. stood for “Toilet Lid.” Maybe that’s why T.L. Hopper’s Theme Song consisted a toilet being flushed repeatedly. Yep, all of this happened.

4. Issac Yankem, D.D.S.

Image Courtesy of UGO.com

Adults fear the IRS in the same way that children fear the Dentists: both have the ability to leave you in a huddled mess, weeping. Much like Irwin R. Schyster, Dr. Isaac Yankem, D.D.S. (unaccredited) was immediately met with a chrous of boos. It didn’t help that he came to the WWE recommended by Jerry The King Lawler – then feuding with Bret “the Hitman” Hart. It definitely didn’t help that Yankem is a lumbering near 7 foot monster, decked in a white dentist’s coat, conjuring up images of the dentist looming over you while you’re strapped in that chair, at their mercy. Isaac Yankem didn’t last for a very long time, probably due to the limitations of a white wardrob. Give him a Red Bodysuit, some long hair and possibly a mask and you may have the next level of Monster.

5. The Big Bossman and The Mountie

Image Courtesy of Strangekidsclub.com

This one a two-fer. Since law and order in the World Wrestling Federation is … “fluid,” not one but two men tried to become the embodiment of Justice: The Big Bossman and The Mountie. Unfortunately, they were both corrupted upon arrival. The Bossman eventually redeemed himself, living up to his theme music and Policeman’s … sash. His gear – used in post-match assaults – stopped being symbols of brutality. Instead, the twirl of the nightstick became for misdirection for a spinning right hook. The Mountie, conversely, never upheld the law, the exact opposite of his theme’s lyrics. Armed with a Cattle Prod, the Mountie ran about the WWF shocking … well, everybody, when he won the Intercontinental Championship.  Inevitably, these two “law enforcers” clashed in a dispute over US versus Canada jurisdiction, culminating with the Mountie spending a night in a New York City jail.

 Image Courtesy of Slam Wrestling

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