So That Happened: #RAW Recap AKA #HijackRAW (03/03/14)

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RAW begins with Cult Of Personality!

Paul Heyman comes out instead.

After loud CM Punk chants, Paul Heyman taunts the fans and say “CM Punk deserves louder than that.” The chants get louder.

Paul Heyman gets in Punking position.

Paul Heyman says he came here tonight to tell the story of a rebellious Paul Heyman Guy, who was never truly wanted in WWE, who was too small to Main Event Wrestlemania, had too many tattoos and never had the right corporate look, too many tattoos. Heyman says that they don’t want this Paul Heyman Guy in WWE then and they don’t want him now.

Paul Heyman says that this Paul Heyman Guy had the balls to say what nobody had the balls to say.

Paul Heyman hypes up this Paul Heyman Guy further, saying that he was born, raised and still lives in Chicago. Heyman introduces himself then says this is his Pipebomb about the Paul Heyman Guy: CM Punk…who’s not here this evening.

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After loud boos and CM Punk chants, Paul Heyman says no one is more upset that CM Punk isn’t here performing than he is. Heyman says that if Punk was here, he would be proving his detractors wrong and he would also show the WWE Universe why he was The Best In The World.

Paul Heyman asks why nobody is talking about CM Punk anymore? Heyman says there is someone to blame for why CM Punk just wouldn’t put up with it anymore. Heyman points the finger at the WWE Universe, claiming that they’re the reason why CM Punk left the WWE.

Paul Heyman mentions that when CM Punk was with him, he was the Longest Reigning WWE Champion in the modern era, but when the WWE Universe took CM Punk away from him. Heyman says that not only did the WWE Universe take CM Punk away from him, they took CM Punk away from themselves.

Paul Heyman also blames The Undertaker for CM Punk’s departure, because Punk not being able to beat the streak is the reason Punk went into a downward spiral. Heyman vows revenge on The Undertaker and wants to take the Streak away from him. Heyman claims the one man who can conquer that streak, and that person is his best friend in the world, The Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar!

After Paul Heyman shows the footage of The Undertaker/Brock Lesnar last week, Lesnar takes the mic.

Brock Lesnar says unlike some people, he doesn’t make claims that he can’t back up. Lesnar claims that The Undertaker attacked him last week because Taker is scared of him.

Brock Lesnar calls out Shawn Michaels, Triple H and Chicago’s Baby Boy, CM Punk for trying and failing to end The Undertaker’s streak. Lesnar vows to conquer The Undertaker’s streak at Wrestlemania 30.

Brock Lesnar is about to leave the ring, but he is interrupted by Mark Henry.

Mark Henry starts to attack Brock Lesnar.

Brock Lesnar throws Mark Henry into the steps, then hits Mark Henry with the steps.

Brock Lesnar F-5’s Mark Henry through the table.

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Match 01: The New Age Outlaws vs. The Usos (WWE Tag Team Championship)

The New Age Outlaws tease their catchphrase, but the Road Dogg tells the WWE Universe that they don’t deserve his catchphrase.

The WWE Universe starts cheering on The Usos

The Usos start to get the upperhand.

Jimmy Uso hits the Uso Splash on Billy Gunn!

Winners and NEWWWWW WWE Tag Team Champions: The Usos

https://twitter.com/brokahontas/status/440661959323975680

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Backstage: WWE Divas hype Aaron Paul, and the fact that he’s giving Dolph Ziggler a ride later. Aksana mentions that she wants to ride with Aaron because she likes “fast cars.”

Match 02: Big E. vs. Cesaro

Cesaro catches Big E.

Jack Swagger tries to attack Big E., but Big E. hits him with a clothesline. Cesaro does the Giant Swing to Big E.

Jack Swagger comes in and hits a Vader Bomb on Big E.

Winner: Big E. (via DQ)

Post-Match, Cesaro argues with Jack Swagger. Big E. hits Cesaro with the Big Ending.

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