For those who are interested, I will be the Social Media Ambassador for Velocity. Can’t wait to see some William Regal/Dave Taylor shipping!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Jerry Lawler says he wants an apology from CM Punk after being kicked in the head last week.

News: Jerry Lawler still has his head. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

CM Punk comes out with a new look

Credit to WWE.com for photo

Punk is the lost Road Warrior! #Raw
— Mr.Jones (@Batman_Infinite) August 28, 2012

I have so many comments about the hair in the ring right now, I don’t know where to begin. #shoepolish #eddiemunster
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) August 28, 2012

@keepitfivestar It Can Grow Back In Time …
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Punk’s new haircut and facial hair is secretly a promotion for the create-a-player function in WWE13.
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) August 28, 2012

CM Punk apologizes to Jerry Lawler for being a failure in the ring and on commentary. This one’s worth checking out on your own!

Well, Jerry, You Know the Saying: You Can’t Always Get What You Want. But Sometimes, You Get a Kick to the Back of the Head.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Is this where Brian Christopher comes to defend his father? #BestInTheWorld
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Man! “Circus Seal” is the meanest name I’ve heard for Jerry Lawler this side of “Burger King”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

CM Punk challenges to Jerry Lawler to a match tonight on RAW. Lawler says “He’ll think about it.”

“HEY PUNK! ….I’ll think about it.” – Jerry Lawler (Nice comeback, Jerry… #DamnItJerry )
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Jerry Lawler vs CM Punk. Kiss my foot match. It has to happen. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Match 01: The Ryback vs Jack Swagger

*Sigh* Why does Jack Swagger show up? He knows how this is going to go.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

@timexiled Stick Stickly would actually be over.
— Josh Spears (@HoldOutSun) August 28, 2012

@timexiled How’s that sad? Stick Stickly is a badarse mofo.
— Josh Spears (@HoldOutSun) August 28, 2012

Image courtesy of memegenerator.net

Jack Swagger should show up with a third book. The Ryback can only read two books a month. Three books would weaken him.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Guys, at least it’s not Jinder Mahal. #RAW
— Shakil ♋ (@TheyCallHimKiD) August 28, 2012

Swaggets gets some offense in.

AttaBoy, Jacky!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Winner: The Ryback

Poor Swagger. Hey! At least he made TV! #RAW
— Linda (@LMitch87) August 28, 2012

The Nexus would still be on top if Ryback never got injured. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Look All I’m Saying Is That in TNA, The All U.S, All U.S. Jackson Smoothgroove won’t have to Job to Gunner.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Post-match, Jack Swagger claims “THAT’S IT” while fans comfort him.

“THATS IT” – Jack Swagger just confirmed that he is getting released this week. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Match 02: Layla vs Natalya

Divas’ Matches? In the First Hour? I Like It.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

@instantrandy The Night’s Still Young …
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

First Jack Swagger on RAW then Natalya?! Have we Quantum Leap’d back to 2010?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Vickie Guerrero interrupts the match and says she has an announcement to make.

Oh No! Dolph Ziggler’s Cashing in On Layla! He’s the next Andy Kaufman! It’s an Impromptu Jerry Lawler Appreciation Night!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Vickie Guerrero tells Layla and Natalya to hurry up so she can get to her announcement.

Layla and Natalya are dressed like the Yellow and Pink Rangers.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

@prettyheartless @keepitfivestar Does that make Vickie Rita Repulsa?
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

The WWE is trying Really Hard to Get a “Vickie is Not Impressed” Meme Going.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

#Thatawkwardmomentwhen Vickie Guerrero wants a quick Divas Match and the Divas have their longest match in recent memory.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Winner: Layla 

Post-match, Vickie Guerrero tells Layla to leave the ring then starts making claims about AJ Lee being a terrible GM. Vickie calls her “Mentally Deranged.”

SCREEECH SCREECH DOLPH ZIGGLER SCREECH SCREECH #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

That’s basically all I understood. #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

AJ Lee skips out

LET’S TWEET IT UP! TWEET IT! TWEET IT! TWEET IT UP!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Skippy McGoo is here #RAw
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

AJ is cool, but I could never take a boss seriously if they skipped around everywhere. #RAW
— Tyler Edwards (@Und3rAverageJoe) August 28, 2012

AJ Lee pounces on Vickie Guerrero and attacks!

See, this is why AJ isn’t removed as GM. It’s not personal, it’s business. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

That’s my crazy, little adorable AJ. #RAW
— Linda (@LMitch87) August 28, 2012

Now we Know. Call AJ “Crazy:” Face Big Show. Call AJ “Mentally Deranged,” Get Slapped!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

I’m not sure if we just witnessed elder abuse or child abuse. #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) August 28, 2012

Can we just watch AJ attack various roster members for the next two and a half hours?
— Bobby (@SunnyDewhite) August 28, 2012

I think AJ’s GM style is similar to how she plays RPGs. She either talks, attacks or lets her party (Kane) handle it.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Triple H Is Important Moments (Pt. 1):

Triple H had great moments? #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Playing a video about how great DX was only makes me happier that HHH is on the shelf. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

You Know, Someone In the Back Should Really Take Down that “DX = Ratings” Note on the Storyboard. It’s Over. Find a New Faction.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Hearing the DX’s theme’s overly simple rhyme schemes make it clearly obvious that it was written by R-Truth #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

The only thing I remember from Triple H’s solo career is denim jackets with leather patches
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Daniel Bryan in Anger Management Pt. 1 (Also worth checking out):

It’s not Dr. Katz.. boo. #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

A kid comes in with a goat face mask and Daniel Bryan screams at him.

I was like WTF then I realized it’s a goat.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

You Know, I was Expecting Either a Man Named Glenn or a Guy in a Dentist’s Jacket to Walk Through That Door. Well Played, WWE.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

For you people that want the Attitude Era back, this is an AE worthy segment.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

Is Daniel Bryan going to the same anger management class that determined that Randy Orton has IED?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Jerry Lawler accepts CM Punk’s challenge

Get off the table, Jerry.
— Bob Sacamano (@TimExiled) August 28, 2012

Well, at least Dutch Mantell and Bill Dundee finally got mentioned on Raw.
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) August 28, 2012

Jerry Lawler is going to accept CM Punk’s challenge only after Macho Man persuades him. Then he’ll pour water over Michael Cole’s head.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Match 03: John Cena vs. The Miz

John Cena’s Wrestling Tonight? In the First Hour? Is This Reverse RAW?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Cena tells his BFF, Stu the Camerman “The Home of PBR! It’s Monday! Time to go to work” Stu’s confused if Cena’s going to work or happy hour
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

The Miz vs John Cena is now. The Rock better interfere again. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Josh Matthews is out for commentary:

Fact: Death fears Josh Mathews. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Josh Matthews is proof that YOLO is bullshit. #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

This Would Be a Good Time to Try WWE’s Newest Announce Team In Prime Time: Josh Matthews and Santino Marella!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Match:

@3manbooth Cena: “Hey, Bryan, was that move you used on me?” Bryan “…It was a headlock John…” Cena “Sweet, I’m gonna use it now”
— Randy Wilder (@InstantRandy) August 28, 2012

@cokescanseco Somewhere The Marines are Sobbing.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

This match will end when Randy Orton RKOs both John Cena and Miz, turning heel and declaring himself the “true” Marine, despite going AWOL.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

John Cena Could’ve Had an Intercontinental Title Shot but He Refused to Say that the Miz was “Pretty Good.”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Winner: John Cena

No matter how far The Miz has come, John Cena will always be there to make Miz feel like he’s back in 2009 again. #ShortsAndFedoras
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

RAWActive Poll for Jerry Lawer vs. CM Punk. It’s either a #WWENoDQ #WWETables or #WWECage

I Don’t Want a Tables Match but the Hashtag Should Really Be #WeWantTables
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Triple H Is Important Memories (Pt. 2)

I remember this! When Triple H tore his quad when he and Stone Cold Steve Austin fought Chris Jericho in a handicap match for the Tag Titles
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

#QUAD #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Triple H Has Really Set the Bar High for “Returning From Injury.” Rey Should Be Taking Notes.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Daniel Bryan in Anger Management Pt. 2 (Featuring Harold and Kane):

Scorpio Sky is ANGRY
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

So Far, Daniel Bryan in Anger Management is Better Than Charlie Sheen’s “Anger Management” and Matthew Perry’s “Go On”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

“While I’m stuck here with YOU people” – Daniel Bryan”What do you mean YOU people?” – Harold “Scorpio” Sky
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Kane shows up to Anger Management.

Kane showing up in wrestling gear is just too funny. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Kane is SO good at looking out of place.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

Daniel vs Harold #raw #yesyesyes
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) August 28, 2012

Match 04: Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella

Either I’m hearing things or Heath Slater just got a pop…
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

I found the way Slater’s head just wobbled around in that Tout highly entertaining.
— Bob Sacamano (@TimExiled) August 28, 2012

Future Saturday Slam main eventers right here!
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) August 28, 2012

Waiting for Layla to run out and start dancing with Heath.
— Bobby (@SunnyDewhite) August 28, 2012

That’s How Heath Slater Plays Both Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero at the Same Time.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Slater is the modern Disco Inferno.
— Bob Sacamano (@TimExiled) August 28, 2012

Aksana’s music plays and she comes out on the ramp to distract Santino.

Hey! The Aksana Sex-a-ma-phone music is back!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Winner: Santino Marella

Dammit, Heath. #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

So the Cobra got a boner for Aksana. Heath interrupted, the Cobra wasn’t having that.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

They totally ripped this angle off from the time Socko fell in love with Sable.(Ok, I don’t remember that. I’m just assuming it happened.)
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) August 28, 2012

Match 05: Brodus Clay and Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow and Cody Rhdoes

Ever since Booker T went “Left side! Right side!” to Brodus Clay’s theme that one time, I can’t get it out of my head.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Those two wear less and less clothing every time.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

I hope Sandow attacks Sin Cara and screams him about how dangerous it is to wrestle in low lighting #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Sin Cara, the Red Ranger and his Zord, the Funkasaurus, teaming up tonight.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Sin Cara is going to have to dance with a bunch of kids taller than him if he wins. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Damien Sandow introduces his tag team partner Cody Rhodes

Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes! #thatsmorelikeit #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) August 28, 2012

It’s Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes! My new favorite tag team! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (HALLLLLLLELUJAH!)
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Damien Sandow holds the mic like a wine glass. #thelittlethings #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) August 28, 2012

Hey, My Cody Rhodes! And Sandow! As team? I LIKE this!
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

“So mystifying and alluring!” He jumps off of things, Josh Mathews. Gravity is not mysterious. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Winners: Brodus Clay and Sin Cara

And Team Mensa loses to the Red Ranger and his Zord…
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Post-match, Brodus Clay and Sin Cara dance with the kids.

Sin Cara botched Dancing. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

I’m Not Gonna Lie: The Kid Dancers Were Kinda Adorable This Week, Especially the Big One In the Middle. You Know, the One in the Red?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Credit to WWEGifs for dancing gifs

They don’t let young Sin Cara fans into the ring after his matches because they all try to blow out their knees just like their idol.
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) August 28, 2012

Daniel Bryan in Anger Management Pt. 3 (featuring Harold and Kane):

How can Daniel Bryan be a heel? He’s wearing Tom’s Shoes?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Kane is asked to share his feelings and he goes through his entire life story

Kane and Dr. Evil have a similar childhood. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

So Kane is literally listing all of his #Kanetradictions right now
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Kane says the “unmentionable.” No, not that guy. The other person:

Credit to actually-cmpunk for gifs

omg Katie Vick
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

They referenced it. They. Referenced. It.
— Bob Sacamano (@TimExiled) August 28, 2012

#KatieVick
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Wow they brought up EVERYTHING. Amazing.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

All this segment is telling me is that Kane has lead a rich, full life. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Kane’s backstory in 1 minute or less
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Anger Management concludes and Harold attempts to give Kane a hug. Kane almost chokeslam him.

Kane = Ron Swanson Harold = Tom Haverford #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Harold and Kane! I smell a sitcom!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Kane should write a book. I’d buy four copies! #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

This is how I picture wrestlers in everyday life, that Kane segment was on point.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

You Know, as a Therapist, That Guy is LEGALLY OBLIGATED to Report KANE to the Authorities. Just Sayin’
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Triple H Is Important Moments Pt. 3:

Forget Triple H. Kane should be getting all the praise tonight. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

They put the loud Triple H chant in the video package for 30 Seconds because they’re trying to subliminally get the crowd to chant for him
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Match 06: Daniel Bryan vs R-Truth

Brother Kofi.. and Troofus. #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

I can’t wait for the day Kofi Kingstun turns heel on R-Truth.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

The Best Thing About R-Truth Wrestling Singles Matches is Watching Kofi Sport his Suits. Lookin’ Sharp, Kofi!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

It’s Serentity NOW for D-Bry #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

@keepitfivestar Cesar Milan didn’t exist in those times
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Daniel Bryan and R-Truth fist bump.

Fistbump of Honor #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Fistbump happens, Daniel Bryan immediately DQ’ed for using closed fist #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

R-Truth wants Daniel Bryan to pet Little Jimmy or something.

If Lil’ Jimmy’s In the Ring, Then It’s Interference! Disqualify That Man, Referee!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Kofi Kingston mentions Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel on RAW

Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel mention… +100000 points Raw.
— Bobby (@SunnyDewhite) August 28, 2012

R-Truth starts chanting “YES!” which pisses Daniel Bryan off.

And now R-Truth is doing a “YES” chant. I’m burning BOTH of my “YES!” shirts…
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

@kickstunner I too feel the shame of laughing at R Truth there
— Zoom Zoom Zoom (@SandoraElite) August 28, 2012

R-Truth Has No Respect For the Code! Don’t Trust a FistBump From That Man, Ever!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Daniel Bryan snaps and gets into an argument with “Brock Lesnar Guy.”

Seriously, How does Mark Out Guy get money to be at all these shows? And at front row? I need to know, what’s his job? Madd Money/Free Time
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

Winner: R-Truth by countout

Malcolm and Eddie( from Tekken) celebrate in the ring while Daniel Bryan loses it.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Triple H’s Decision Time:

TRIPLE H: THE DECISION #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Justin Roberts Just Sounded So Sad When Introducing Triple H? Is He Okay? Yes, I’m More Concerned about Roberts than HHH.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Time to play the game, well the game got Red Ringed of Death. #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Brock Lesnar Guy, You Can’t Hold Up a “Still The Game” Sign! You Made Your Pick; Now Hop With It!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Triple H needs to stop trying to start this pity party. Joey Mercury got his face knocked off by The Hardyz and he kept wrestling.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Triple H’s Early Goals were: 1. Compete in the First Ever Hogpen Match. 2. Become Shawn Michaels’ Best Friend.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

“Everybody comes to a crossroad in their career. I, on the other hand, will wrestle forever and you’re stuck with me.” #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Wait, This is the FIRST Time You’re At the Crossroads? What About the Time You Tore Your Quad? You Know, Either Time?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

See you at the crossroads so you won’t be lonely #HHH
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Triple H gets “You can do it” chants.

“YOU CAN DO IT! *Clap clap clapclapclap*” – Crowd”O.O *Eyes water up* Awwwwwwwwww! ;_;” – Triple H
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Is this an ACTUAL crowd or a paid audience?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

What is this? Waterboy? #YouCanDoEeeeet
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

Fun Fact: The WWE’s Been Showing Scenes from the Waterboy During Commercial Breaks.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Credit to Saturday Morning’s Main Event for photo

No RT @bitterforsweet: Is HHH still cutting to the chase?
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Triple H thanks the fans then poses:

Credit to WWE.com for photo

Aaaww, he did the pose with one arm
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

HHH should make room for the new H in town… Harold, duh. #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) August 28, 2012

Triple H never said that he was retiring. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Thanks Triple H. See you at next month’s DX reunion! #raw
— Victoria (@prettyheartless) August 28, 2012

So Triple H is reforming Fortune on Impact this Thursday, right?
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) August 28, 2012

Whew. I’m glad that HHH’s career is over and that we’ll probably never ever hear from him again or see him in a ring….right? #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Triple H cried, cut a promo about not wanting to hang around. Didnt say anything about retiring. Hes doing a Brett Favre.#wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

You Know Who I Blame for This Promo? Los Angeles! If They Had Acted Right at SummerSlam, We Wouldn’t Have These Videos & That Speech.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

“Triple H is “retiring” Enh.” – Me this week”Y2J is leaving even though I knew about it for months?! NOOOOOOO!!! :(” – Me last week
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Not-so cynical Triple H comments:

I will say this. The last RAW I’ve been to was Triple H’s return at MSG. It honestly was amazing.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

I remember when HHH returned to MSG, I was there. I cheered so hard, I almost lost my voice. Trips is one my favorites…
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

In All Seriousness, HHH’s Return at MSG was one of the Best Moments I’ve Had as a Fan. I’ll Relive It at HHH Appreciation Night Next Week.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Chris Jericho’s music hits but it’s NOT Y2J!

Credit to WWE.com for photo

Ziggler-cho
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

LOL! Ziggler!!
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Ziggler really trolled me holy crap.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

Ziggler stealing Punk’s Jeff Hardy-mocking entrance, showing him NO respect. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Dolph Ziggler mocks Chris Jericho and says we’ll never E-EEEEEVVVERRRR see him again:

“Were You Expecting Someone Else?” – Dolph Ziggler. Not Really. Jericho’s In Poughkeepsie. He Just Tweeted It.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Match 07: Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton and Sheamus

BEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEP
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

Wow only two beeps? Del Rio’s pissed.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

IT’S A SCUMBAG THING! LOBSTER HEAD! #ScumbagSheamus
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

The Jerkass Faces vs Ziggles & ADR
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

They Tried to Record Randy Orton’s Anger Management Group But They Were in “Nap Time.” That’s What Orton Calls It When He RKOs Everyone.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

#3MBActive:

You Decide: The Team of Randy Orton and Sheamus Shall Be Known as Brogue and Skull or Skull and Brogues? #3MBActive
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

#RAWActive Doesn’t Work, You Guys. We Got 1 for Brogue and Skull, 1 for Skull and Brogues, 1 for Randy Lobster and 1 for Lobster Voices.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Winners: Randy Orton and Sheamus

*Sigh* #ScumbagSheamus was saved by his partner #GoodGuyRandy
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Kane comes down to the ring.

ITS KANE. Best thing about this #Raw #wwe
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

Kane without his tag team partner Harold?! Boooooooooo! #BringHaroldOut
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

The new anger-managed Kane uses his pyro to make S’mores. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Josh Mathews flees for his life.

I can honestly watch Josh get killed over and over. And Josh is there pissing himself.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

Josh Matthews returned from injury – what the fuck’s wrong with you Mysterio?
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Piss, that’s what’s running down Josh’s leg..Piss. #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

This is Josh Matthew’s Heidenreich Moment. “It’s Real Now.”
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Kane goes on commentary.

KANEMENTARY! #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

Kane on commentary? #IHaveToBakeACake
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

I bet Kane is better than Lawler on commentary. #RAW
— Shakil ♋ (@TheyCallHimKiD) August 28, 2012

Remember when Kane used a voice box? Now he’s commentating. Kane, you’re a PHONY, A BIG FAT PHONY! #fraudulentgimmick
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

Match 08: Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga (With Kanemmentary)

OH RADIOOOOO! TIME TO JOB OUT ON THE SHOW!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Zack Ryder should pull a Josh Mathews and get away from Kane.
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

David Otunga Theme Appreciation:

OHHHHHWEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOO OHHHHHHHWEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOHHHHH >.<!!!!
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

>.< OH WEEEHHH, OOOOOOOO!!! It's all about me, it's all about the power!
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

OOH AYYY OOOOO! #Bowtunga #RAW
— Yacht Rockerman (@WellYoureWrong) August 28, 2012

O-WEH-OHHHHHHH! OH-WEH-OHHHHHHHH! When you’re standing next to me! Yeah you know that I’m a jobber (I’m very busy tonight with jobber jokes)
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

When that happens a Horowitz gets his wing…ed eagle belt RT @instantrandy @keepitfivestar When a jobber wrestlers a jobber, who wins?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

NOT accompanied to the ring by his goatee, David Otunga. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Match:

C’Mon Ryder! You’re Letting Otunga Get Offense on You? Are You Serious, Bro?
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Winner: Zack Ryder

Did Zack Ryder really get a win on Raw whilst The Big Show was nowhere to be seen?
— Not Regal (@RegalSays) August 28, 2012

Post-Match, Kane grabs Zack Ryder by the throat.

Kane’s not trying to chokeslam Zack Ryder. That’s just the way he shakes hands.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

I Think This is How Kane Makes Friends.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Kane puts Zack Ryder down then chokeslams Davis Otunga instead.

“*About to chokeslam Ryder*…Is this baby oil I’m stepping in? *Drops Ryder then chokeslams Otunga* >.< You use too much baby oil!" – Kane
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

CM Punk is backstage preparing for his match against Jerry Lawler.

I bet that’s how CM Punk gets his snacks out of vending machines too. *Kick* *Kick* *Kick*
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

Josh Mathews announces the RAWActive is a steel cage.

Hey! Josh “Skedaddle” Matthews is Back!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

“Dundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundun” Cage Music
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

The Cage lowering music will never stop being awesome. #wwe #Raw
— Ryan Shell (@DAsharpshooters) August 28, 2012

How Awesome Would It Be If They Lowered Both the Cage AND the Disco Ball? It’s Be a Studio 54 Match! #WWESTUDIO54
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

AJ Lee’s music hits and she skips out. She has an announcement to make.

LIGHT IT UP! JBJWCJHUB CHBWBCIB LIGHT IT UP! AJBAJBCW BCBIUBWCJUWBCKJWBULC. LIGHT IT UP!
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

Uh-oh! AJ Lee is loose! Who’s she going to attack next?! RUN! STU THE CAMERAMAN!
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

AJ Lee chooses John Cena as CM Punk’s opponent for Night Of Champions.

So instead of Punk choosing Cena. AJ chooses Cena FOR Punk.
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

Match 09: CM Punk vs Jerry Lawler

Is CM Punk losing more hair every time I see him?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

I guess this is the ideal time to suggest you all watch Jerry Lawler’s epic “Bad News” music video. youtu.be/QT-mUa4cYo0
— David Shoemaker (@AKATheMaskedMan) August 28, 2012

You Know What This Jerry Lawler / CM Punk Battle is REALLY Over? Coca-Cola versus Pepsi.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

I’m Glad Jerry Lawler Didn’t Try to Climb Out of the Cage. Go for the Door, It’s the Smart Play.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

CM Punk must’ve watched Man On The Moon this past weekend.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

The crowd in Milwaukee just sat in shocked silence as Cousin Phil beat up Grandpa during dinner. #WWE #Raw
— DonnyBrook Boys (@donnybrookboys) August 28, 2012

Hey Lawler, You don’t have to go for the pinfall. The referee will open the door should you near it.
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Now CM Punk’s bleeding. Fun Fact: Blood was huge in the Attitude Era. CM Punk’s trying really hard to promote #WWE13
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Wow! Blood and Aggression in a Jerry Lawler Match! For One Night, Memphis Wrestling Is Back!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Winner: CM Punk 

Post-match, CM Punk locks himself in the cage with Jerry Lawler then asks Lawler to call him the Best In The World. Lawler disagrees and gets pummeled.

This Happens Often Enough that the Bolt Cutters Guy Should Be At Ringside Before the Match Starts.
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

John Cena runs down to save Lawler. He tries to get the door open but can’t.

What’s the matter, muscles? Can’t rip the door open?
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Why don’t you just climb the cage, Cena?
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

Oh No! Climbing! John Cena’s Only Weakness!
— ThreeManBooth (@3ManBooth) August 28, 2012

Cena was probably afraid he’d have to forget the AA if he decided to learn to climb. #moveset #pokemon
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

John Cena tries to get one of the tech guys to raise the cage.

Why didn’t Cena just bust the lock open w/ Kryptonian strength Leap over the cage in a single bound? Our Bright Sun gives him that ability.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

Magilla Gorilla can’t climb cages.
— Bill S. Preston, Esq (@Miss_Dani_Baby) August 28, 2012

“YOU’RE WAY OUT OUT OF LINE! GET! THE CAGE! UP!!!!”
— Max Hunter (@KickStunner) August 28, 2012

@3manbooth “Hey hey hey hey! WHAT is going on here?” – Principal John Cena.
— Berko (@TheSecondDavid) August 28, 2012

The cage is raised as John Cena checks on Jerry Lawler. CM Punk walks off triumphant.

I hope CM Punk doesn’t play #WWE13 ‘s Universe Mode. When his character “turns his back on the fans,” all hell is gonna break loose at THQ.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

So, That Happened:

Finally RAW is done, I can go poop. I mean…Uh, Do my taxes.
— hates rednail polish (@YourBoyDrew) August 28, 2012

Best part of RAW? No Big Show.
— Langdon Alger (@KeepItFiveStar) August 28, 2012

Credit to ilovewrestlinggifs